I said I wouldn't speak to her til she stopped...I dont want to leave we've been together 25years
Bro. You're gonna fuck this up. You shouldn't. That's a long marriage that is likely worth you changing on this.
I live in the most hard-hit area in the country for opiates and have had four people close to me die from them I should be dead a hundred times over but somehow I survived... it would be one thing if she needed them for pain or what have you but that's not the case
she doesn't need them for pain. She needs him for opiate addiction per your OP.
You are setting her up to become one of those deaths.
but at least now I'm seeing you getting to the where you're actually hurting instead of just externalizing rage to cover it and trying to regain control.
You obviously love her and are fearful that you will lose her on the current track.
You think that somehow continuing the Suboxone represents her on a gradient to those losses that you've already had.
That's what it sounds like to me.
And I totally get that. I grew up with alcoholics. I'm sometimes too sensitive about it with my wife. I don't drink alone and I avoid casual drinking in the middle of the week. I try to avoid modeling alcoholic addiction behaviors so that I don't fall down that slope. Even though and in it's own right it means nothing, I would be more highly alerted than usual and probably most people if I came home to find my wife drinking alone in the middle of the week for these reasons.
But you need some context dude. You need to quit learing all of those traumas and pains and losses into your relationship. Your wife isn't going to OD on Suboxone. She's much more likely to OD on opiates following your rules. She's not going to quit Suboxone under your ultimatum. she's much more likely to try to say yes to both things in her life that she can't say no to.
If you reframed your thinking you would be less angry and less frustrated and less hurt... And ironically if you were to simply calm down let her go back on Suboxone and ask her what her horizon is and And if she ever plan to get off. If you ask questions and got buyin from her she might decide she wants to get off of it.either way your current tactic has failed so I'm much more likely to succeed than your current direction.
She poisoning herself for no good reason
She's not.
By using loaded words like poison you are framing your control as saving her. But you're not.
By saying no good reason you're discounting her reasons as being no good.
These are not healthy ways to approach your partner. And for my pragmatic standpoint it's not a good way to get your goal in any situation that involves convincing others.