Perfect.
Lisa: Hi, I'm here to drop off my lease return.
CEO of Angry Beard Motors: Well, we don't really have anyone to check it in because we had to layoff 80% of our staff, we don't really have the space to store everybody's lease returns here, and normally we would send them to auction, but we can't right now because they're closed.
Lisa: Well, but my lease is finished and I need to return my car.
CEO: Okay, I'll tell you what. Let's get you into your next car, and I'll deal with what I'm going to do with yours later. It's going to mean a pain in the dickhole for me, but your business is worth it.
Lisa: Wellllll, I don't really want a car anymore. I get to work from home for the time being so I want to stack those papers into my own bank account instead of someone else's.
CEO: That's understandable. But, the same way you're looking out for your bottom line I need to look out for mine. Technically, according to that giant contract you signed that no one reads, it says you have to get it back to our head office in Nunavut. When we told you to bring it back here when your lease was up, that was back in good ole' 2018 when things were normal, but now they're not.
Lisa: Well, but you said!
CEO: Yes, but the contract supersedes anything a dipshit salesman tells you. When we take back a lease return and send it back to base before it's sent out to the auction it's something we're doing that as a solid to the customer. Some guy in China accidentally let a deadly virus out, errrr... I mean, definitely ate some bat soup and completely flipped the board over. Now the lease return mechanism is broken at least for the time being. Do you want to just keep the lease going for the time being?
Lisa: Not really. Muh papuhz.
CEO: Well, Lisa you need to understand that you're attempting to increase your bottom line directly at my expense so I'm not that inclined to do you any favors and I'm kind of inclined to call the other members of the dealer association and black list you and your husband from buying new cars going forward.
Lisa: Well, that seems harsh and I don't want to be blackballed. What should I so now?
CEO: I guess you'd better start driving to Nunavut to get that car back. Because it needs to be back by tomorrow and if it isn't I'm calling the cops on you for grand theft auto.
