Respectfully, all of this talk of unity and being opposed to fighting is very fashionable these days, as it was in 2009 and before that in 1993. There is a tendency for unity and can't we all just get along talk to somehow rise to the surface in the aftermath of the destruction that the Republican party wreaks on not just the country, but the world. Then we get into a lot of both sidesisms and false equivalencies when they truly aren't equivalent at all. American conservatism has been ideologically and programmatically poisonous since at least 1976, though you could probably date it back to 1964 or even the early 1930s when Hoover's disastrous economic policies worsened the pain of the Great Depression. The Democratic Party, when they weren't outright the party of slavery or segregation, largely congealed into a new form in the aftermath of the New Deal that they ended up mostly chucking out around 1973 in favor of being a basic center right party that gave only lip service to working people. Partisanship isn't driven by the party leadership so much as it reflects the most powerful coalitions holding the party institutions together.
Also, the idea that none of us is part of the in crowd that holds power is resignation. There are many loci of power in a society. Many of the loudest boosters of the prior administration going into 2016 or the latter day apologists for the chaos of the last few years on this forum are also the highest earners. They cloaked their concerns in logical sounding critique occasionally or in moral questions about the direction of society, but at the end of the day they were mostly concerned with their tax bill and their financial investments. They played the hand they were dealt in a sense. This is a capitalist society and everyone wants the best life available to them. There are other people on here who don't meet that income criteria, but wish they did and that wishful thinking keeps them defending policies that actively screw them as much as anyone. And they rightly feel they have no alternative sometimes because the Dems seldom present one that's persuasive. But there are other ways to take power besides buying your way into it. It's a lot harder, slower and more painful, but building movements and political parties that are truly representative of what working people need and want is achievable. It's been done at many times in history and in many parts of the world, though wealth has always fought back with all its might. But this is a forum devoted to watching people (consensually) fight. If there's any place where fighting should be not just tolerated, but encouraged, it's here. Obviously, just like the sport we watch, our fights have rules and so long as folks abide by them, everyone should be free to die on their hill. Some discussions can't help but be adversarial, especially when they deeply affect people's personal lives, though I will agree with you that intelligence has nothing to do with it.