General The death of my daughter has impacted my career

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Wild

Zi Nazi
Admin
Dec 31, 2014
85,004
123,331
Been in sales for the past 12 years. Always been the guy that the company could count on to wine & dine clients and carry the conversation with just about anyone I met. Since my daughter passed, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to talk on the phone and try to communicate thru text as much as possible to avoid it. I’m sitting outside of a restaurant right now, trying to motivate myself into walking into this business dinner with a client I’ve known for 20 years. I don’t want to answer questions about how my family is doing. Selfishly, I don’t want to hear about theirs. All I want to do is be left alone and spend time with my wife and other daughter. I know this is what I signed up for, and get paid to do, but I dread it now.

So here I go. Two to three hours of putting on a smile and acting interested. Cant even get drunk because I have to host these guys in the office at 8am tomorrow for 6 more hours of bullshit.
 

ShatsBassoon

Throwing bombs & banging moms
First 100
Jan 14, 2015
18,555
33,607
Dude, that's heart wrenching.
I couldn't begin to pretend to know how to cope.
Know that I think about you, and hope you're holding onto the memories and good things in your life.
 
M

member 1013

Guest
Been in sales for the past 12 years. Always been the guy that the company could count on to wine & dine clients and carry the conversation with just about anyone I met. Since my daughter passed, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to talk on the phone and try to communicate thru text as much as possible to avoid it. I’m sitting outside of a restaurant right now, trying to motivate myself into walking into this business dinner with a client I’ve known for 20 years. I don’t want to answer questions about how my family is doing. Selfishly, I don’t want to hear about theirs. All I want to do is be left alone and spend time with my wife and other daughter. I know this is what I signed up for, and get paid to do, but I dread it now.

So here I go. Two to three hours of putting on a smile and acting interested. Cant even get drunk because I have to host these guys in the office at 8am tomorrow for 6 more hours of bullshit.
Brother I know I’m a shit head and you don’t really like me but let me tell you something: you’re doing so much better at staying strong than I think 98% of people I’ve known would, including myself.

What happened absolutely devastated your entire existence; the emotional and personal struggles are unavoidable. I can’t even begin to imagine.

Maybe take a sabbatical if everything is wearing on you too much, I’m sure your instinct is to bury yourself in work to distract yourself but it sounds like that may not be what you need.

Luv ya buddy.
 

Filthy

Iowa Wrestling Champion
Jun 28, 2016
27,507
29,834
i don't have any advice, just know that it sucks to hear that it sucks.

but you'll get through.
 

digthisbigcrux

Dreams are free, motherfucker
First 100
Jan 17, 2015
1,612
2,429
You are suffering from depression, bro....and understandably so. On top of all the COVID shit
of 2020, I'm dealing with a divorce and loss of a parent, and it fucked me up big time. Still, nothing
like losing a child (as I can imagine.) Take care of yourself and give yourself the time to grieve and mourn.
Hopefully your clients and employers will understand.


You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself. Again, my condolences.
 

The Pendulum

AI Posting
Dec 30, 2015
1,381
1,252


Don't have any advice, just good vibes.

Like Thoros reckons, maybe time off is a good idea, if you can. Family time togeher may be exactly what you, and your closest need.
 

BJTT_Kiwi

My member is more well known than yours
Jun 25, 2015
3,268
5,866
Wild @Wild Sorry to hear you are in that space mate.
Please prioritise looking after yourself, and your mental health.

I do "sales" too and know how those feelings impact things after a loss.

Maybe address it with your Dr (if you haven't already), consider SSRI, and get regular appointments with a Psychologist just to talk?
This helped me immensely after my Mother and then a close mate died inside 6 months of each other last year.

Happy to chat if and whenever you want.
 

gangsterkathryn

저승사자
Oct 20, 2015
17,319
20,573
Take some time. Maybe look into something you can do that doesn’t require conversing with others for awhile. No one expects you to heal, so don’t apologize for your feelings. Know you don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to. Anyone who doesn’t understand, isn’t worth your time.

I’m truly sorry. Sending you and your family lots of love.
 

Thuglife13

✝👦🍕🍦🍩
Dec 15, 2018
20,385
27,213
Sending good vibes bruddah. Lost a real close family member last year around this time and because of Covid restrictions it was hell. Had it been Momma Thuglife or a Lil Thuglife no doubt I would've been arrested. All I can say is you do you brother and don't care about what anyone else thinks about how you're dealing with your loss...

?
 

Splinty

Shake 'em off
Admin
Dec 31, 2014
44,116
91,095
As men we are often really bad at grieving. We are usually fixers and providers. And when something happens that we can't fix or provide we get stuck in our own heads. We become islands unto ourselves. This withdrawing and isolation can make us bias and lose perspective stuck only on the problem that we infinitely cannot fix. Things will appear much worse than they are with no light at the end of the tunnel. And with that the withdrawing gets worse. This is a vicious cycle that can result in a lack of self-care and depression.

This is a place that women tend to be so much better. In times of crisis they're much more likely to reach out to a social network and get help processing everything.

As men this can feel like weakness. And we're really good at hanging on to sadness's bodyguard anger.

Please consider looking for some grief counseling in your area. You're a great guy who does a great job for his family. An old school way might be to look at this suggestion and think of it as going to talk to a shrink or weakness. I'd think of it as being as resilient and healing as much as possible as you can for your family. Something like grief counseling would be an act of providing for not just yourself but for your family.

If you aren't sleeping regularly, and I suspect you might not be, think about talking to your doctor. None of us heal and none of us process if we aren't sleeping.
 

MMAPlaywright

First 100
First 100
Jan 18, 2015
6,030
10,714
I’m sorry.

This is just me talking, and maybe I am wrong. I have done talk therapy, admittedly not for the loss of a family member, and it was helpful. I can’t even tell you exactly how it is helpful, but I swear it was helpful for me.

I want you to get better and feel better.
 

MMAPlaywright

First 100
First 100
Jan 18, 2015
6,030
10,714
As men we are often really bad at grieving. We are usually fixers and providers. And when something happens that we can't fix or provide we get stuck in our own heads. We become islands unto ourselves. This withdrawing and isolation can make us bias and lose perspective stuck only on the problem that we infinitely cannot fix. Things will appear much worse than they are with no light at the end of the tunnel. And with that the withdrawing gets worse. This is a vicious cycle that can result in a lack of self-care and depression.

This is a place that women tend to be so much better. In times of crisis they're much more likely to reach out to a social network and get help processing everything.

As men this can feel like weakness. And we're really good at hanging on to sadness's bodyguard anger.

Please consider looking for some grief counseling in your area. You're a great guy who does a great job for his family. An old school way might be to look at this suggestion and think of it as going to talk to a shrink or weakness. I'd think of it as being as resilient and healing as much as possible as you can for your family. Something like grief counseling would be an act of providing for not just yourself but for your family.

If you aren't sleeping regularly, and I suspect you might not be, think about talking to your doctor. None of us heal and none of us process if we aren't sleeping.
Yeah, this came in while I was writing mine. This really says it well.
 

Enock-O-Lypse Now!

Underneath Denver International Airport
Jun 19, 2016
11,737
19,619
I feel ya Wild @Wild ...losing loved ones is the hardest thing to deal with while we are here in the physical world ...everyone deals with it differently ..something that works for me (may not for you but worth a try IMO) is to go out for a long run or walk or Bike Ride ...push yourself the most you can and really go all out ..even if it's just a few blocks or a mile ...and during this ...think about all those great times you had with her while she was here ...remind yourself you are still alive - live the rest of your life giving everything you have in her honor and make her proud.

As a Christian I believe our spirit leaves our body at the moment of death - eventually we will reunite with our loved ones in a world we can not fully understand right now...so I don't hold onto the pain as much as maybe others do because I have the mindset that we will reunite in that other place when it is our time to leave this realm ...so in mean time keep her memory alive and live life to the fullest. (That maybe mean you have to find a new profession where you no longer have to put on the show.)

In the words of Tupac: "Keep ya Head Up".


View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EhXhSzSxv2s
 

SC MMA MD

TMMAC Addict
Jan 20, 2015
5,715
10,841
As men we are often really bad at grieving. We are usually fixers and providers. And when something happens that we can't fix or provide we get stuck in our own heads. We become islands unto ourselves. This withdrawing and isolation can make us bias and lose perspective stuck only on the problem that we infinitely cannot fix. Things will appear much worse than they are with no light at the end of the tunnel. And with that the withdrawing gets worse. This is a vicious cycle that can result in a lack of self-care and depression.

This is a place that women tend to be so much better. In times of crisis they're much more likely to reach out to a social network and get help processing everything.

As men this can feel like weakness. And we're really good at hanging on to sadness's bodyguard anger.

Please consider looking for some grief counseling in your area. You're a great guy who does a great job for his family. An old school way might be to look at this suggestion and think of it as going to talk to a shrink or weakness. I'd think of it as being as resilient and healing as much as possible as you can for your family. Something like grief counseling would be an act of providing for not just yourself but for your family.

If you aren't sleeping regularly, and I suspect you might not be, think about talking to your doctor. None of us heal and none of us process if we aren't sleeping.
Sorry you are going through this Wild @Wild

I was going to write something more or less the same as what Splinty @Splinty said.
 

Mace

Prophet of poon
Oct 29, 2015
321
463
You are a good dude I'm so sorry you are going through what most consider the worst loss possible. I have unfortunately been in the role of your other daughter, when my sister was taken too young and too early. All I can say is please don't feel like you need to put your own grief aside to be strong for them. At first my dad did and it fucked him up. Each of you will feel the grief differently than the others since a mother's bond differs from a fathers and again from a sibling. Make all three equal and communicate openly with each other. It helped us to know we could discuss anything we were feeling. All the cliches are bullshit, it doesn't get better, you don't get past it, it doesn't get easier. Those are unattainable. You do accept you can't change it and in time feel fortunate for what time and memories you did get. I think about her every day, sometimes positively and sometimes with deep sorrow. Communication helped us a lot because it allows you to get your feelings out but it also makes you appreciate that listening to theirs is helping them, even if in miniscule increments. We relocated about 3 hours from you so I mean it when I say if you need anything please ask, even if it's just someone to vent to. I know you like cars so if you'd ever like to just go for a cruise in a super car and let out some steam let me know. I've she'd a few tears for your family typing this and just asked my sister and dad to welcome your daughter into heaven with a big hug and some new friends. Fuck. I'm sorry Wild.
 

RaginCajun

The Reigning Undisputed Monsters Tournament Champ
Oct 25, 2015
36,970
93,842
Been in sales for the past 12 years. Always been the guy that the company could count on to wine & dine clients and carry the conversation with just about anyone I met. Since my daughter passed, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to talk on the phone and try to communicate thru text as much as possible to avoid it. I’m sitting outside of a restaurant right now, trying to motivate myself into walking into this business dinner with a client I’ve known for 20 years. I don’t want to answer questions about how my family is doing. Selfishly, I don’t want to hear about theirs. All I want to do is be left alone and spend time with my wife and other daughter. I know this is what I signed up for, and get paid to do, but I dread it now.

So here I go. Two to three hours of putting on a smile and acting interested. Cant even get drunk because I have to host these guys in the office at 8am tomorrow for 6 more hours of bullshit.
You are understandably probably going through some grief related depression. It might be helpful to talk to a professional.
Love ya man.
 

Tiiimmmaaayyy

First 100 ish
Jan 19, 2015
7,990
9,940
I’m sure I’m stating the obvious here, but there are some things we can’t bounce back from. Your life has been changed forever. I don’t have the answers that will make it better or easier, but i would be glad to talk if you ever need it. Message me if you need the number.
 

Miesha's Taint

Miesha's Taint
Dec 3, 2018
5,352
11,794
Always here for you mate and I know you don't feel like talking but maybe we can do it when drunk?

You know my number and have my socials...Maybe just a drunken text fest where we can talk about rimming.

《3
 

kneeblock

Drapetomaniac
Apr 18, 2015
12,435
23,026
Nothing much to add that others haven't said well enough already other than that I continue to wish you well and hope you and your family can find a way to heal. If that means putting aside work for awhile, so be it if you can afford to. I'm more than willing to kick in cash to a help Wild take a break fund, particularly considering all you've done to make this space for us here.
 

Qat

QoQ
Nov 3, 2015
16,385
22,624
Yeah man sounds like you need some time off and/or some counsel.
I can't know what you are going thru but I wish you the best.

Interestingly I saw a Tina Turner doc last night, she had a turbulent life and even lost a son to suicide. She still says she is the happiest she has ever been now (was 2018 I think).
It will get easier I'm sure.