General I need opinions on me Porn Novella for Kindle

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Cameron Tiger

Well-Known Member
Feb 27, 2019
191
389
Hey fuckers what's up? Long time no see.

Me mate told me he's making 500 quid a month from selling his smutty kindle books on Amazon so I thought it sounded like easy money. I started writing this short story about a bitch who likes to flash her cunt to blokes. But before I waste too much time on it, I need to know if it's any good. I'm going to post here what I've written so far so you cunts can give me your opinion.
 
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1372

Guest
Hey fuckers what's up? Long time no see.

Me mate told me he's making 500 quid a month from selling his smutty kindle books on Amazon so I thought it sounded like easy money. I started writing this short story about a bitch who likes to flash her cunt to blokes. But before I waste too much time on it, I need to know if it's any good. I'm going to post here what I've written so far so you cunts can give me your opinion.

 

Cameron Tiger

Well-Known Member
Feb 27, 2019
191
389
Alright then, this is it so far.

In my first year at College I loved teasing the Professors as they would conduct their boring lectures. Mr Addicott was a man in his late 40s I would guess, and he looked like a cast member from the 80’s movie Revenge Of The Nerds. He had thick black rimmed glasses with lenses that looked like they were made from the bottom of two soda bottles. At the end of the semester I decided to give him a show that he would never forget.


That morning I found my shortest mini-skirt and my sheerest white thong panties, they had a clear window of thin white mesh to cover my pussy but they left nothing to the imagination. They were also very thin and my pussy lips protruded from either side. I made myself so horny just thinking about what I was going to do that day that I peeled the panties to one side and masturbated in the car on the drive to College. Listening to the truck horns that were being blasted as they drove by, and seeing the bus load of school boys all hanging out the bus window and cheering me, made me cum so hard that I almost crashed.


When I arrived at College, I could see Manuel, the gardener tending to the lawns in the parking lot. I strategically parked where he would have full view of me getting out of my car, and I opened my door and put one foot on the ground, opening my legs and revealing my wet cunt, only partly covered by my tiny panties. Manuel noticed immediately and he was trying to stare discretely but I was ahead of him. I leaned back into the car and reached over to the back seat to get my bag and books. As I did this I opened my legs further and fumbled around, leaning into the back seat pretending to look for something. I could see Manuel out of the corner of my eye, just staring at me in sheer awe, mouth wide open. My cunt was ready to explode, it made me so horny to know he was watching me.


I was almost late for Mr Addicott’s lecture but fortunately there were still some seats in the front-row and he was still awkwardly preparing his notes. I found myself a front-row seat that would be virtually in front of him during the lecture. When he had finally prepared his notes in order he looked up at the auditorium and as he did this I “accidentally” knocked my books onto the floor, making noise as I did it, and he noticed. When his eyes turned towards me I leaned down to my left side to pick up the books and opened my legs at the same time, my cunt was so wet by this stage that the panties were probably completely see through. He couldn’t help but stare directly between my legs but I pretended not to notice, it would be our little secret. As he began his lecture, I crossed my legs, revealing thigh right up to my ass, and maybe my cunt was on display as well, I’m not sure. Mr Addicott had noticed and he was desperately attempting to look anywhere except in my direction, I tested this by “innocently” sitting with my legs open and I was surprised by his will-power, I wondered if he felt like he was cheating on his wife by looking, but I had seen his wife and no one would blame him for looking at other women, the guy is a saint for marrying her in my opinion. Then I started to suck on my magic marker, with my legs still open, and staring at his cock. He kept stealing quick glimpses of me and hoping he’d gotten away with it, I let him think that he had. I noticed a bulge in his trousers now, and he was obviously hard. His cock looked to be bigger than I thought, considering he was such a dork, and for one fleeting moment I actually fantasized about him fucking me in the hall after the lecture. My pussy was dripping now and I had to take this to the next level, I readjusted myself in my seat, like I was trying to be comfortable, while at the same time giving him more thigh and ass, and I could feel the cool air on my wet cunt lips, so I knew he could see them as well.


Mr Addicott to his credit, is a professional, and he made it through the lecture like a trooper. Afterward I approached him and handed in a piece of work that was due, he greeted me with a smile and said he would mark it that night. He asked me my name, “Jessica Hure” I told him, and he checked to see that my name was on the work, then we said our goodbyes and went on our way.


On my way home, I stopped off at the public swimming pool that I visited each week. They had a hot tub which was usually filled with middle-aged eastern-European men. I loved to tease them. I went into the women’s change rooms and as I undressed, I noticed a woman that was obviously a butch lesbian checking me out. I pretended not to see her as I bent over and gave her full view of my pussy, then I ran my hands over my breasts before pulling on my sheer white one-piece bathing suit. The suit had a warning on the label, “not suitable for swimming, may become see-through when wet”, which is the reason I purchased it.


I walked up to the hot tub and as usual the middle-aged men were there. I could feel every eye looking me over and they shamelessly stared at my body. A man squeezed over to allow me room and I entered the water, my bottom half was under water but I pretended that the water was too hot and stood back up for a moment, the soaking wet cloth revealing my shaved pussy to them. This bathing suit left nothing to the imagination when it was wet, and my pussy was also wet, and now swollen. My clit was erect and could clearly be seen, I was in heaven.


I then slid back into the water which barely covered my tits, so I could sit up at times and flash my nipples to the men, I noticed that all of the men now had one hand under the water and out of view, and I imagined that they were all stroking their cocks as they fucked me with their eyes. This caused me to reach down and start to rub my clit and pussy lips as I watched them discretely jacking off to me. Parents were walking by with their families, a staff member was restocking a drink machine 30 feet away, and none of them had any idea what was going on in the hot tub right before their eyes. Then I sat up on the edge of the hot tub, opening my legs just enough for the guys opposite to see my cunt lips and clit, with my tits on full display and now the view between my legs, I could tell by their faces that they were cumming. I then stood up, making sure that they all got a view to remember, and went to the change room. I drove home with only my bra on, and as always with my skirt laying at my feet in case I had to suddenly pull it up. I had been pulled over for a speeding ticket once and I managed to barely cover my snatch by pulling down my t-shirt before the female cop walked up to my window, this taught me to always be prepared. Tonight a guy driving a UPS van nearly ran into the back of a car when he was driving alongside me and looking down into my car at my open legs and wet cunt. It had been another good day.
 

Cameron Tiger

Well-Known Member
Feb 27, 2019
191
389
Where the fuck do I say Vagina?


I really wrote that shite btw, atrocious as it probably is, and I'm trying to sound like an American and I used spell checker 50 million times.
 
M

member 3289

Guest
I'm trying to sound like an American
I read through about half of it and skimmed the other half looking for things that might give you away as a Brit trying to sound like a Yank (bc it's more than just spelling, it's often word choice).

Besides the word "sheerest" I didn't see anything.
Even that isn't too egregious, but changing it to "thinnest" would probably be better.

A lot of comma splices though. British English tends to be more tolerant of these than American English. I'd recommend replacing about half of them with periods or, if you don't want to sound too choppy and abrupt, subordinating and/or coordinating conjunctions.
 

La Paix

Fuck this place
First 100
Jan 14, 2015
38,273
64,597
I read through about half of it and skimmed the other half looking for things that might give you away as a Brit trying to sound like a Yank (bc it's more than just spelling, it's often word choice).

Besides the word "sheerest" I didn't see anything.
Even that isn't too egregious, but changing it to "thinnest" would probably be better.

A lot of comma splices though. British English tends to be more tolerant of these than American English. I'd recommend replacing about half of them with periods or, if you don't want to sound too choppy and abrupt, subordinating and/or coordinating conjunctions.
 

BenAskrensStrikingcoach

Formerly formulating formally
Jan 30, 2015
4,753
5,118
Dudes, who want a quick wank and only read a few pages.
They don't exist.

No "dude" is reading that shite, I made it about 10 lines and I don't want to have a wank, even if I did I wouldn't be reaching for Vutus latest peddaling story.

if you are using the same adjective more than once in 2 sentances, change it, other than that I can't be fucked giving you an opinion because you'd be better off writing that shit on a jax roll.

Great thread, keep it up.
 

redneck

First 100
First 100
Jan 18, 2015
999
1,513
The porn thing on kindle is getting huge though, I don't know why and I don't know who reads it, but it's the fastest growing category in the kindle store. Someone must be reading it. Maybe try to target the lonely and bored housewife who is at home through the day, market, Put a Fabio looking fucker on the cover and write about mysterious and romantic men who treat women like goddesses. Let's face it, most men don't read anything more complex than a comic book. Women are more likely to read "erotic literature".
 

Cameron Tiger

Well-Known Member
Feb 27, 2019
191
389
So basically you are all saying that my work is lame, okay I accept that.

But you cunts don't realise that I researched this before I wrote anything, and what Amazon wants is crap erotica that people will buy for .99 cents and then move on in life. They say that there are a lot of people who don't have access to video porn and they lap this shit up. I deliberately used the words pussy and cunt because blokes don't cum as quickly when you write 'vagina'.