My wife used to really like sexual chicken and was going to send him a pic of her melons but she said he’s nothing but a bully so no pics......
General Grandpa knocks out some young gangsta
- Thread starter Ted Williams' head
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A simple check of my profile page would tell you I do no such thing.
You finally get your phone back from your wife and think you're all tough.
Let me know when she lets you take your balls back from her purse.
Fixed for Ferguson and Colby
I have wrestled ara abrahamian. One leg kick and your wife will put you in the nursing home.
That was heart warming.
This is the real life Mike Lombardo.
And Epic Beard man deserves an appearance in this thread as well.
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I'll answer that:
1- it was December 2003 and I had just moved back to Poland. I was staying with a friend in the city of Kraków, but not the nice, historic city centre area. It was a suburb and it was cold and in 2003 Poles were still more commie than free-market. Anyhow, I was taking my friend's dog for a walk, and fuck me Poles can be so god damned obstinate when it comes to common sense that they'd sooner die than admit they made a wrong move. Some dumb ass broad decides she's going to walk on Nemo's (the dog's) side of the pavement. She could have walked on my side but no, no, she's a Polish woman and a Polish woman does whatever she wants. I tried telling this woman that the dog wasn't good with people (he damn near tried to kill me a half dozen times before we finally got on with each other) but to no avail. Despite my efforts to warn her and distance myself and the dog from her, she plowed ahead, threading the needle between Nemo and the brick facade of some building.
Nemo lunged, she freaked out, he shook the shit out of his own head and slobbered everywhere.....no harm done and the stupid woman fucked off.
The walk continues....10 minutes later, in the distance I see some guy with his son, who appears to be a toddler...and two large fuck off dogs, one of which was a Ovczarka Caucasia, I think the other was a Husky. It was winter, I was walking Nemo through an alley which opened up onto a field (covered in snow and frozen at this time) and neither of the man's dogs were leashed. I tried to hustle us through there but of course someone woofed and the asshole's two dogs made tracks for me and Nemo.
Great, just fucking great, I had on my hands a very large Boxer (fucking MASSIVE head and neck on this specimen) that wanted to fuck up everything and then these two winter-bred dogs came bounding over to let him know what's up. So I maneuver us over to some properties under construction. I get us up some concrete steps so at least we have the high ground (fuck you Anakin) and our back is covered. Nemo was going ape shit while the other two dogs were at the base of the stairs expertly doing their job.
They were basically shouting "yeah stay up there ya fucking pussy!" "we'll gut you."
Nemo was shouting back in dog with "Fuckin Cunt" "Fuck you" "Bitch" "C'mon!" "C'mon!" "fuckinghuuuuumangetoutoftheway!" etc
Eventually dumbass comes over and tries to lecture me about not being so tough (like wtf you stupid arrogant fuckwad, you are not your dogs) and I give him some sarcasm back.
He's like "oh yeah, I'm sure."
I"m like "yeah fuckwad, remember your kid?!?"
Then dipshit remembers he's got a little kid running around somewhere back in field and getting farther out of sight.
Idiot!
So I'm finally headed back to my friend's place when we are approaching 3 little dogs, unleashed and yappy as all hell.
I would have crossed the street but the fact of the matter is Polish drivers were much huger cunts than they are now. It was 2003 and half the cars were still fiat 126's, everyone on the road had this hyper-inflated ego that they were driving and NOT taking the bus and therefore stopped for NO lowly pedestrians. We had to keep going straight.
So of course the old man walking them couldn't have cared less about it, he was some old miner type who had paid his communist dues slaving away in the mines and wasn't going let anyone affect how he did anything. As we get closer the tension rises, and I get us off to the side as much as I can. The little dogs were not having any of this lumbering beast being on their turf, and they started to or kind of surrounded Nemo and began their provocations. And poor Nemo had no choice but to respond by going absolutely ape shit. He was lunging here and there, doing his best to snap up one of the little fucks and shake the shit out of them. He almost got one too but I quickly booted the Chihuahua out of harms way, much as one might with a soccer ball.
Well that did it! NO PUNK was going to touch the old man's dogs! Up until then he was mute and useless as tits on a boar, maybe even entertained by the whole scene.
He starts swearing/growling/muttering at me in Polish (of course) and is posturing up. Maybe he saw me as an easy target, he was bigger after all.
I was fucking fit back then but still that dog was a fucking handle so I was tired, cold and I rather perplexed at how he had failed to recognize I had SAVED his dog from being eaten. He walks up on me and Nemo lunges for the guy's face!
Luckily, I do a little lunching/lurching of my own and get both arms around the retarded animal (dog) and kinda catch him and hold him down. At that moment I see the old fucker palm some heavy-ass key-chain he was carrying. I was still holding Nemo down and thinking "he's not going to..." WHAM!
Blood is streaming freely out of my nose...
I tie Nemo up.
Square up with the old guy to make sure he knows.
Take him down and start wailing on him.
He makes old-man "poor me, poor me" sounds.
I Feel disgusted with myself.
I Get up off him
As I'm untying Nemo, the old fucker gets up and starts beaking off and laughing.
My mind says "fuck that" and make sure the second time is methodical...it ends with him laying there while I continue to hoof his limp body wherever.
The only thing I regret is not choking him unconscious the first time.
*side note* the summer prior, the old dude had been maced by some kid because of a somewhat similar incident.*
The second time is a different story.
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Where did you copy-pasta that frat from?
I'm an old fucker now, but I was recently forced into a fight or flight situation against a much younger Maori guy wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, in his 20's who was 6ft 2' and built like a brick shithouse.
I was driving home in the rain and an idiot pulls out in front of me and he's towing a trailer, I brake hard and then blast my horn as I drove past him. The next thing he is tail gating me and blasting his horn, it is pouring with rain and I'm approaching some traffic lights and they are red, I have to stop at the lights and the next thing I know this guy is running up to my car, he rips my door open and starts punching down on me.
I'm sitting in my automatic car with the foot on the brake, and if I had taken my foot off the brake I would have rolled into the intersection.
Beaten, and bruised, I put my car into park, unclipped my seat belt, and stepped out of my car.
I'm 6ft 3 and 240lb, without too much of a gut, with a shaved head and goatee, and have traned UFC on and off for many years but not so much when this happened, lol. Still, I could see this giy kind of take second look and think, oh shit. So this guy is standing in front of me like something out the movie of once were warriors and for some dumb reason I just looked at him like 'give me your best', and he did. That fucker hit me so hard to my temple that I saw stars, then something kicked in and I ducked down and went for a single leg whilst grappling with his other arm. I took him down and landed on top of him on the road and mounted him. I started to pound the fuck out of him but then later realised that he had hit his head on the road and was unconscious. Then I sense this other person (I was in such a state that I couldn't see anything expect to defend or kill), and they ran at me so i kicked them in the stomach only to find out it was his girlfriend, a big Maori woman who was screaming at me "please have mercy, he didn't know what he was doing", it was only then that I looked at him realised that he was knocked out by hitting his head.
Anyway, the moral to the story is that sometimes the old fucker can surprise the fuck out of you, so choose your battles wisely.
I was driving home in the rain and an idiot pulls out in front of me and he's towing a trailer, I brake hard and then blast my horn as I drove past him. The next thing he is tail gating me and blasting his horn, it is pouring with rain and I'm approaching some traffic lights and they are red, I have to stop at the lights and the next thing I know this guy is running up to my car, he rips my door open and starts punching down on me.
I'm sitting in my automatic car with the foot on the brake, and if I had taken my foot off the brake I would have rolled into the intersection.
Beaten, and bruised, I put my car into park, unclipped my seat belt, and stepped out of my car.
I'm 6ft 3 and 240lb, without too much of a gut, with a shaved head and goatee, and have traned UFC on and off for many years but not so much when this happened, lol. Still, I could see this giy kind of take second look and think, oh shit. So this guy is standing in front of me like something out the movie of once were warriors and for some dumb reason I just looked at him like 'give me your best', and he did. That fucker hit me so hard to my temple that I saw stars, then something kicked in and I ducked down and went for a single leg whilst grappling with his other arm. I took him down and landed on top of him on the road and mounted him. I started to pound the fuck out of him but then later realised that he had hit his head on the road and was unconscious. Then I sense this other person (I was in such a state that I couldn't see anything expect to defend or kill), and they ran at me so i kicked them in the stomach only to find out it was his girlfriend, a big Maori woman who was screaming at me "please have mercy, he didn't know what he was doing", it was only then that I looked at him realised that he was knocked out by hitting his head.
Anyway, the moral to the story is that sometimes the old fucker can surprise the fuck out of you, so choose your battles wisely.
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Would have also works.
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No sir, "would have" is not used in creating the condition.
It works as to communicate a hypothetical consequence e.g. If he had knocked out the camera man, the police would have got involved.
M