General Advice Needed: Teen 16 Girl struggling with depression - meds

[LoveSomeOreos]

Hello everyone, I could really use some info on the situation. My daughter has had a rough ride over the years and seems to have a lowered emotional set point from it. We are doing therapy regularly (been monthly but changing to weekly) and she has been trying a ton of the advice / activities / life style changes recommended. I believe she really is giving it a hard effort and sometimes she is happy / in the moment but tends to return to that lower setpoint.

I'm highly considering medication of some sort. She's already involved in sports and exercises regularly. I do feel like she is on instagram a lot looking at stupid videos, and plan to monitor / curtail that. She has a fair amount of friends and has fun with them, but the general feeling of "life can just be really hard and I'm not up to it" which leads to some suicidal thoughts remains.

Nicotine (which we did not condone) helped a lot, she said it made all the difference in the world to have a little from time to time. That's a big reason why I feel some sort of medication would help.

Please share your thoughts and experiences, my heart is broken thinking about how she feels and how hard she is trying.

 

[oldnslow]

I don't have any advice, but I wish peace and happiness for her and your family.

Does her therapist know about her suicidal ideations and have any advice for you?

 

[PoopStripe]

At that age, friends and peers are everything. Makes it tough for a parent because teenagers dont feel you can relate or understand.

Its easier said than done when its not your kid, but medication would be my first thought if my son was suicidal. Every kid is different and you know your own daughter better than anyone, so go with your gut feeling.

Its definitely a positive that shes trying and taking advice, though. Maybe, focus on things shes passionate about and do more of it? I wish I had more for you.

 

[Wild]

Man, I am no expert at all, so take anything that I say on the subject with a grain of salt. First, I would get her off of social media. Instagram, Tik Tok, Snapchat are all so toxic and influential for teenagers, who are easily impressionable. Here's a Google search that might give you some ideas on how to go about it, if that's something you decide to do:

how can i remove social media apps from my daughters phone - Google Search

Secondly, I would help her find something that will give her purpose and motivation. Martial Arts, Animals, a certain sport, cheerleading, gymnastics, hiking...I dunno. But every kid needs something positive that they are passionate about, because so many things around them are negative and toxic. From reality shows, to social media, to music. They're being bombarded with shit that can make them depressed.

I wish you the very best. I've pinned this thread to hopefully help it gain visibility.

 

[bigchief]

Hormones play a much bigger factor in emotional regulation at that age with girls than boys. Medication can help, but that's a fine line to walk with a still developing brain, especially in girls.
Social factors also play a huge role at that age, again to a larger degree with girls. I wish I could be of more help.

 

[LoveSomeOreos]

Thank you all for everything, I'm in tears and very appreciative. She means everything to me and I feel in my heart I have done the best that I can, I pray a lot that its going to be enough. I got her into volleyball, which she has loved in previous years, to deal with some bumps in the road, but as of late that has ben a large part of the stress / negative worldview. She's been really taken advantage of and the politics / mean girl crap that goes on is crazy. I almost feel like she needs something new to work on as the volleyball is not a help, almost a hinderance.

We just switched to a private school to get away from the craziness of public stuff, and I'm really hoping this different environment will pull her up out of it some. I just hate to se her suffering in the mean time.

Thank you for the sticky note, and again thank you everyone for help. I'm going to keep checking in as we move forward on this thing. I think she's just been depressed for quite a while, sometimes worse then other times.

 

[sparkuri]

She is young enough that if she requires meds, they should be very mild.
I've dealt with this for a decade.
The primary cause, is that MOTHERFUCKING PHONE.
It IS, a weapon of war.
My strategy regarding that was to cancel their service, & have them use wifi calling where they're at, with the excuse of current budget difficulties.
Then cut off the wifi at a certain time in the evening, dinners together, phone & TV off.
I slso planted videos to make them aware of their rotting brains, such as google & facebook expats not allowing their kids phones.
Introduce disciplined & structured use of her phone for learning games, like duolingo for the family.

Regarding meds, avoid them like the plague. Out of the frying pan, into the fire, know that well, do home/naturopathic research.
Even though her vitamin d levels are probably normal, FORCE an uptick of D3, At LEAST 5000mg/daily, and it's partner K2(MK7 is quick bioavailability).
My oldest was actually admitted yesterday.
I won't go into that.
But take my advice, implement these suggestions ASAP.
Get a support animal if you can, spend time each day learning about it.with her.
See if you can get her a plant & learn.

Support groups. Looks into NAMI, and look into support groups anywhere you can find them, kids her age. Activities scheduled with them. How to cope pisitively when plans fail.
Get that vit. D & k2 asap.

 

[Homeslice]

I'd suggest something VERY simple. Like, just go fishing with her. Nice and easy, fun, father-daughter time.

You anywhere near Houston/Pearland perchance?

 

[MountainMedic]

Hello everyone, I could really use some info on the situation. My daughter has had a rough ride over the years and seems to have a lowered emotional set point from it. We are doing therapy regularly (been monthly but changing to weekly) and she has been trying a ton of the advice / activities / life style changes recommended. I believe she really is giving it a hard effort and sometimes she is happy / in the moment but tends to return to that lower setpoint.

I'm highly considering medication of some sort. She's already involved in sports and exercises regularly. I do feel like she is on instagram a lot looking at stupid videos, and plan to monitor / curtail that. She has a fair amount of friends and has fun with them, but the general feeling of "life can just be really hard and I'm not up to it" which leads to some suicidal thoughts remains.

Nicotine (which we did not condone) helped a lot, she said it made all the difference in the world to have a little from time to time. That's a big reason why I feel some sort of medication would help.

Please share your thoughts and experiences, my heart is broken thinking about how she feels and how hard she is trying.

Vitamins and protein.

Kid bodies and brains need constant influx of building materials. They cannot get enough.

Only read OP, but she seems like she's active. That's important. You won't have to beat a new lifestyle into her.

Go get extensive lab work. Odds are she's simply outrunning some important building block. She's burning it all up.

I could go on a diatribe about "what worked for me" but that's useless to you and your girl.

Talk to your doctor about pulling ALL the labs, not just the routine.
Talk to a nutritionist if that's something viable for your family.

I guarantee she's low in a couple areas, and too high in at least one.

Its super easy to call "diet and lifestyle" from 1,000 miles away, and I'm not trying to do that. I'm saying go get a bunch of labs done to rule out things that can be fixed by diet and lifestyle.
Then tread into the world of mood stabilizing medication.

I am not a strict "no psych meds, ever!" guy. They are valuable tools in the right circumstances. I believe that to be true.
But they are over used and under respected.

Brain chemistry is an ever-changing cauldron, changes almost daily between 15-22. So a drug that worked yesterday is the worst thing today, and it's nobody's fault that this is true.

Get labwork done.
That will tell you what ISN'T the problem.
Go from there.

And get her off the vape ASAP.
Its literally healthier to smoke cigarettes.

 

[MountainMedic]

I almost feel like she needs something new to work on

Thats a healthy way to look at it, she probably does.

 

[TheAwkwardTitan]

You're going to need to start hitting her with a stick while reciting gaelic hymns. If that doesn't work make another one.

 

[TheAwkwardTitan]

Jokes aside medication is often times unnecessary and can lead to worse outcomes. Do some serious research before making that decision together. Also make sure she has a therapist who's actually helping her work through things. Not one who just has her ruminating on negative thoughts.

The nicotine thing is dumb btw. Yeah it takes the edge off from time to time. It doesn't mean she would need or benefit long term from Prozac.

 

[Diedinacarwreck]

dude talks about how fucking terrible screens and facebook/insta-ho/tiktok etc are you the developing mind...just my 2cents


View: https://youtu.be/aOqId5ObMi4?si=qZ-E-xWwsoX93h4g

 

[MountainMedic]

You're going to need

Not one who just has her ruminating on negative thought

This is critically important.
Therapy is basically 1 assholes experience compared against their patient.
There are incredible therapist out the, doing real nitty gritty day in day out work for small rewards.
But the majority of them are waaaay more messed up and broken than your average OGer.

 

[MountainMedic]

You're going to need to start hitting her with a stick

Like he hasn't?
That's 8th grade shit?

 

[The_Maxx]

At the least have her do resistance training. Exercise is great, but particularly resistance training is very beneficial for the brain. Do a few quick YouTube video searches on that subject, I’m sure you’ll see some stuff summed up quickly in some videos. Also vitamin d3+k2. Social media fucks with the heads of females. These platforms hire psychologists to make it addicting and target the female brain.

 

[Vindell]

Meds that alter the way people think should always be the absolute last resort. To make someone go from unhappy to all of a sudden happy just by taking a pill means it is altering their brain. 99 times out of 100 there is something causing this. Spend time with her and have conversations while doing it.

Two things she is 16 and going through hormone changes. Second at that age life in high school seems so life shattering. All adults say none of that crap matters but we've all been there and while you are in high school it matters a ton.

" I do feel like she is on instagram a lot " This is a big one also. Staring at a screen as much as many kids do now is not healthy for the mind or the body for so many reasons.

 

[Jamie999]

I will never tell people no medications ever.. But I just want to put out a quick warning because of the situation I went through. I was on an SSRI and it created suicidal ideations for me right around day 11. I went to ER and they kept me inpatient for a couple days whole I detoxed off the SSRI and everything went back to normal. Never had a suicidal ideation before or after that event.

Suicidal ideation from medication is much more likely in teens and early 20s so if you go down that route watch her like a hawk that first month. If it does happen it's almost always the first couple weeks after a new prescription or change in the prescription. It's an emergency if it happens and go to the ER.

I wish you luck. Personally I would exhaust all options before going med route but do what you feel is best for your family.

Sounds like you're doing the right things. A lot will be hormonal at that stage. I think it's ok for a teen girl that age to feel depressed. Very normal. But yeah obviously suicidal thoughts probably need some intervention.

 

[Hauler]

I don't have any real advice as I don't have kids, but I'd shy away from meds unless there is no other resort.

The social media is such a big deal, imo. Especially for girls. I wouldn't ban it, but I'd certainly discourage the use by trying to fill that time with something positive instead.

I like the ideas of weight training. Hiking in the woods. Martial arts would be solid. No idea what her interests are outside of typical teen shit, but I'd pick a positive one and lean into it.

Best of luck to you friend. I can only imagine how helpless that situation would feel.

 

[1wolfman]

Doing something for others that are in a bad situation can maybe change her view on her own life.
Volunteer work?

 

[Ramon Maroni]

sounds like social media to me

good luck OP

 

[kvr28]

My daughter went through the same thing at that age. Panic attacks to the point where I had to take her to the hospital.

Her doctor wanted to put her on meds which I was against. We tried everything, blood panel, Vit D was low, Thyroid was wonky, etc. Got her on vitamins and meds for those.

Therapy once a week for over a year.

Nothing was working, she was basically locking herself in her room.

When she was 18 she decided she wanted to take medication. I told her she was an adult and could make that decision herself.

Doctor put her on a low dose generic zoloft, took a while to get it dialed in correctly.

Within a year or so she got a job, then got her license finally. She bought her first car and was actually driving herself more than a mile from our house.

She moved out and got her own apartment which shocked my wife and I.

She's 27 now, still taking the low dosage, I've spoken to her about trying to wean off it under her doctor's supervision but she's comfortable where she is at so I don't push it.

Best of luck brother, I know what you re going through. It's scary, you hate seeing what your child is going through and want to help but don't know how.

One of the things that did help my daughter from the therapy was coloring books and basically tactical breathing. . Therapist had her do those when she was feeling anxious or like a panic attack was coming. They helped some. I will ask my daughter for some other things to suggest when she comes into work this morning.

 

[sparkuri]

I forgot to mention.

Look into professional makeovers monthly or bi-monthly with healthy gatherings immediately thereafter.

 

[Robbie Hart]

I have a 12 year old and pay tons to put her through private school in England while I’m here in Florida
I make sure we talk everyday to see if she’s ok
I feel for OP as I don’t wish that anyone goes through this issue
I hope everything works out for the best

 

[CasketCaseZombie]

We just switched to a private school to get away from the craziness of public stuff

I hope this helps. Two of the four I raised (3 steps and 1of my own) went to private school, stepdaughter 9-12 and son 4-8 grades. I think the two who went to public school ultimately fared better. The social stuff was actually worse at the private school. But that was here, and 30 years ago. May be totally different now and in your area.