I usually don't get terribly personal on here but I just wanted to share some things in the hope that it shows a turd can truly be polished up!
I dropped out of college when I was about 19. Too much time spent drinking and having sex and a high tuition my parents couldn't afford since they were in bankruptcy sent me back home feeling ashamed and stupid. Within a year I was thrown out of my house and spent some time moving around before eventually ending up homeless on the streets of San Diego, having routine seizures from epilepsy I couldn’t afford to get medication to control.
I was fortunate then to have friends and family to bail me out of that jam. I moved back east and lived with my grandparents for a few years before going off on some other adventures, during one of which I met the woman I'd marry. I moved with her to New York City and worked as a journalist for awhile, covering MMA in the early Zuffa days and working for regional papers. Eventually I had to get a "real job" because journalism paid (and pays) poorly. That journey took me into the nonprofit industry helping kids in the South Bronx. I worked my way up, but being a dropout, there were hard limits to what I could accomplish.
Eventually, I had children. From the moment I knew my firstborn was coming, I knew I had to be someone else, someone better than I was. Unfortunately, in the process of that rising self-awareness, I lost sight of being a good partner and present father. My marriage ended. Shortly thereafter, I lost my grandmother who had been my closest family member. In time my ex would move the children with her about 8 hours away leaving me utterly alone.
I broke. I think of that time in my life and I can truly say I was emotionally lost. I became reckless and made a few mistakes that nearly cost me dearly. But I made one smart move: I went back to school.
As an older student, I was nervous that I either wouldn't be able to keep up or that I would lose my mind to tedium because school had never been my favorite place. Amazingly, the exact opposite happened. The program I went to, a small one in a larger public university, enriched me and saturated my mind with ideas. I became a straight-A student and finally was able to fill in several gaps in my understanding of life and the world. Along the way, I decided I wanted to devote myself to academia so I really customized my classes for the area I wanted to focus on and was fortunate to be given the latitude to do so. I ended up graduating Salutatorian and receiving numerous scholarships and awards and even having work published. I managed to do this while working full time and still being an involved father, albeit a remote one.
Despite finally having a degree, I still found myself in less than satisfying jobs as my experience was in one area, but my interests had shifted. About 7 months ago, I was laid off from my job due to lost funding. Finding a job in either a new industry or my old one was much harder than I expected. These past several months have been a true test of my resolve as I've struggled to even move out of bed lest I burn what few calories I had in my stomach. I also suffered from an odd injury called a frozen shoulder that had me in constant pain and discomfort for much of the last year. To top it all, I've had to deal with family drama as my mother's house was shot up by persons still unknown just last month.
But through it all, I've continued to work on my mind at least, continually researching and learning in hopes that I might be able to get an opportunity to step onto a different stage. For those of you who wonder why I sometimes bloviate in lengthy posts on here (as I'm doing now), it's in part because it helps to keep me sane. It's also just kind of how I am.
This past Wednesday, an email alert flashed on my phone. I got closer to the wifi as my service had been shut off a month ago and the message had to load some graphics. When it finally opened, I discovered that I had been accepted as a PhD candidate at an Ivy League university with full funding, research monies, healthcare and an annual stipend! I'm not ashamed to say I broke down in tears. I called or texted everyone I knew, including some old professors who I tearfully thanked. Two days later, emboldened, I went on a job interview and this afternoon I learned I was hired.
There are still yet things to achieve and problems to be solved in my life, but I will say that this moment feels wonderful. And it is not just my success, but the success of everyone who helped me get here, including my family here on TMMAC. The debates, the jokes, the community building, the spats, the links to interesting offsite content and even the occasional trolling have literally given me life throughout this difficult time and will continue I hope for as long as I draw breath (and beyond). Seriously, thank you.
If there is any moral to this story, it isn't that you should keep hope alive or that things always work out. If anything it's that in spite of it all you persevere because you never know. You wring whatever you can from life, even in the bad times, because the good times have a way of sneaking up on you. And you recognize that every mistake or setback can be overcome if you keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope to do TMMAC proud in the academy because I take all of you with me. Thank you, truly, for being my community.
Edit: Wanted to add that one community member in particular is responsible in a major way for this success. Always being my confidant, my biggest encourager, pushing me to do my best and keeping it real with me when I was living on front street.
@peter_weyland has been my brother from another mother for almost 24 years. I would not be here today if not for his support and his having the kind of drive I've always striven to emulate.
I dropped out of college when I was about 19. Too much time spent drinking and having sex and a high tuition my parents couldn't afford since they were in bankruptcy sent me back home feeling ashamed and stupid. Within a year I was thrown out of my house and spent some time moving around before eventually ending up homeless on the streets of San Diego, having routine seizures from epilepsy I couldn’t afford to get medication to control.
I was fortunate then to have friends and family to bail me out of that jam. I moved back east and lived with my grandparents for a few years before going off on some other adventures, during one of which I met the woman I'd marry. I moved with her to New York City and worked as a journalist for awhile, covering MMA in the early Zuffa days and working for regional papers. Eventually I had to get a "real job" because journalism paid (and pays) poorly. That journey took me into the nonprofit industry helping kids in the South Bronx. I worked my way up, but being a dropout, there were hard limits to what I could accomplish.
Eventually, I had children. From the moment I knew my firstborn was coming, I knew I had to be someone else, someone better than I was. Unfortunately, in the process of that rising self-awareness, I lost sight of being a good partner and present father. My marriage ended. Shortly thereafter, I lost my grandmother who had been my closest family member. In time my ex would move the children with her about 8 hours away leaving me utterly alone.
I broke. I think of that time in my life and I can truly say I was emotionally lost. I became reckless and made a few mistakes that nearly cost me dearly. But I made one smart move: I went back to school.
As an older student, I was nervous that I either wouldn't be able to keep up or that I would lose my mind to tedium because school had never been my favorite place. Amazingly, the exact opposite happened. The program I went to, a small one in a larger public university, enriched me and saturated my mind with ideas. I became a straight-A student and finally was able to fill in several gaps in my understanding of life and the world. Along the way, I decided I wanted to devote myself to academia so I really customized my classes for the area I wanted to focus on and was fortunate to be given the latitude to do so. I ended up graduating Salutatorian and receiving numerous scholarships and awards and even having work published. I managed to do this while working full time and still being an involved father, albeit a remote one.
Despite finally having a degree, I still found myself in less than satisfying jobs as my experience was in one area, but my interests had shifted. About 7 months ago, I was laid off from my job due to lost funding. Finding a job in either a new industry or my old one was much harder than I expected. These past several months have been a true test of my resolve as I've struggled to even move out of bed lest I burn what few calories I had in my stomach. I also suffered from an odd injury called a frozen shoulder that had me in constant pain and discomfort for much of the last year. To top it all, I've had to deal with family drama as my mother's house was shot up by persons still unknown just last month.
But through it all, I've continued to work on my mind at least, continually researching and learning in hopes that I might be able to get an opportunity to step onto a different stage. For those of you who wonder why I sometimes bloviate in lengthy posts on here (as I'm doing now), it's in part because it helps to keep me sane. It's also just kind of how I am.
This past Wednesday, an email alert flashed on my phone. I got closer to the wifi as my service had been shut off a month ago and the message had to load some graphics. When it finally opened, I discovered that I had been accepted as a PhD candidate at an Ivy League university with full funding, research monies, healthcare and an annual stipend! I'm not ashamed to say I broke down in tears. I called or texted everyone I knew, including some old professors who I tearfully thanked. Two days later, emboldened, I went on a job interview and this afternoon I learned I was hired.
There are still yet things to achieve and problems to be solved in my life, but I will say that this moment feels wonderful. And it is not just my success, but the success of everyone who helped me get here, including my family here on TMMAC. The debates, the jokes, the community building, the spats, the links to interesting offsite content and even the occasional trolling have literally given me life throughout this difficult time and will continue I hope for as long as I draw breath (and beyond). Seriously, thank you.
If there is any moral to this story, it isn't that you should keep hope alive or that things always work out. If anything it's that in spite of it all you persevere because you never know. You wring whatever you can from life, even in the bad times, because the good times have a way of sneaking up on you. And you recognize that every mistake or setback can be overcome if you keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope to do TMMAC proud in the academy because I take all of you with me. Thank you, truly, for being my community.
Edit: Wanted to add that one community member in particular is responsible in a major way for this success. Always being my confidant, my biggest encourager, pushing me to do my best and keeping it real with me when I was living on front street.
@peter_weyland has been my brother from another mother for almost 24 years. I would not be here today if not for his support and his having the kind of drive I've always striven to emulate.
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