General Confess some IRL behaviours you have, that you know make you an asshole.

[John Lee Pettimore]

For instance, I jaywalk all the time. I'm a real prick for that. The kind of wanker who looks you right in the eye while he bolts across the road in front of you. If you're the first in a long line of traffic and you would need to speed up to hit me, then I'm crossing.

Also, if you have any authority in the business and I'm buying five or more of something from you, I will attempt to negotiate a discount or a freebie of some sort. I don't care if you shoot me down instantly. I'll give it a shot. Fuck it, I'm cheap like that.

Also, when I get into bed I do it fully clothed. Then I strip down and push the discarded clothes down to the foot of the bed. Three days later, I have a massive pile of clothes covering the bottom half of the bed. Every girlfriend I've ever had has complained bitterly about this small habit.

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[John Lee Pettimore]

So that's a start.

What kind of behaviours can you admit to, that make you an asshole in real life? Even if you're generally a great guy, as I obviously am, everyone has some things like that.

What kind of asshole behaviours do you find you randomly share with other likeminded assholes on here?

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[John Lee Pettimore]

Oh yeah - I also donate blood, and there is not a single person I know who doesn't know that I do that. To the extent that later this year I'm planning on throwing a party to celebrate my 50th donation, so that all of my friends can gather and be forced to congratulate me about what a great person I am.

I'm an asshole about it to the extent that many times, my friends have accused me of only doing it so that I can skite about it. Which is not 100% true, but it isn't 0% true either.

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[Jesus X]

I tell homeless people to fuck off immediately if they ask me for cash.

I tell religious folks to fuck off immediately if they ask me to go to their church or speak to me about their religion.

I used to handle those situations with more kindness and let them waste my time but I value time more than money now as I get older.

Besides those situations im usually not a dick.

 

[Jesus X]

I tell solicitors to suck a back of dicks and get off my property immediately if it were actually legal in CA I would brandish my shot gun at them because I am so annoyed by them at this point.

 

[Speaker to Animals]

I'm a magical spirit of purity with no personality flaws. That really bothers some people.

 

[FINGERS]

If someone on a tube train has their bag on the seat next to them I will make them move it and sit next to them even if there are other empty seats available.

 

[Kingtony87]

I open every cupboard door in my kitchen and then leave the room.

I then return later and get mad that someone left them all open only to realize it was me.

 

[BrunoMcGyver]

I have a “No Junk Mail” sign on my mailbox. Still some businesses - particularly real estate agents - put their advertising shit in there. When that happens I Google their name then give a one-star review.

Sure, they’re just drumming up business and I could just throw their shit out, but if you think you’re above “No Junk Mail” you’re probably an arrogant self-important cunt, so I’ll be one right back.

I have two one-star reviews to give tomorrow.

 

[SongExotic2]

If someone on a tube train has their bag on the seat next to them I will make them move it and sit next to them even if there are other empty seats available.

"Is your fucken bag tired? Fucken move it then because I am!"


It's a golden goose when this happens

 

[Freeloading Rusty]

I use public toilets, and I piss on the seat

 

[Freeloading Rusty]

I walk around in the Summer time, saying, "How about this heat?"

 

[Freeloading Rusty]

Sometimes, I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces

 

[Freeloading Rusty]

View: https://youtu.be/UrgpZ0fUixs

 

[The Big Guy]

If I see someone going way over the speed limit and weaving inbetween cars I try my best to speed up or slow down to block them behind me and another car. I will then go the exact same speed as the car next to me to block the asshole from passing for aslong as possible.

Years ago I used to smoke cigarettes and wherever someone had all their windows down to blast shitty music across the city I would try and flick a lit cigarette into their backseat through the window. I got really good aim and it translates over to flicking cigarettes long distance. I must have tossed 50 lit Marlboro reds into backseats blasting shit music

 

[The Big Guy]

I also use about 4 glassess a day. I will drink water out of a glass and after a few hours I'll set it on the kitchen counter and get a new glass. I also force women to do all the dishes

 

[Big Dummy]

I don’t swerve to miss animals running into the road, nor do I swerve to hit them, but I’ll brake if I have to. I leave it up to fate.

 

[HEATH VON DOOM]

I whistle every song in the radio at work, then when a commercial comes on I continue to whistle the previous song until a new one comes on.

 

[kneeblock]

I troll my children hard because they're easy marks.

 

[The Big Guy]

I troll my children hard because they're easy marks.

While my son was eating mashed potatoes he asked me how they got mashed and I told him "people chew potatoes and spit in the bucket"

He almost puked. Kids are dumb

 

[John Lee Pettimore]

I whistle every song in the radio at work, then when a commercial comes on I continue to whistle the previous song until a new one comes on.

This guy is hands down the worst prick in this thread so far.

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[John Lee Pettimore]

I troll my children hard because they're easy marks.

My grandfather used to do that to me all the time. Him being Dutch made it easier - he could tell me whatever he wanted about the old country, and I would believe it unquestioningly.

I thought he knew everything, and when I asked him a weird question he would always say "I will look into it for you." Which I now realise was pre-Internet speak for "ah, this is a question that I want my answer to troll the shit out of you, but I also want to buy myself some time to come up with some ridiculous bullshit that will amuse me to sell to you."

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[SongExotic2]

This guy is hands down the worst prick in this thread so far.

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I can assure you he's an absolute cunt

 

[SongExotic2]

And that's coming from me. His friend

 

[John Lee Pettimore]

If someone on a tube train has their bag on the seat next to them I will make them move it and sit next to them even if there are other empty seats available.

Does anyone ever complain about that?

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