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Wild

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I sucked Stillmatics WOODley;n29407 said:
When I was in my early 20s I had a good size crew of buddies who all got into street bikes, at the time I was riding a 1998 TL1000R. We liked to head down to an area in Fort Langley were there is a section of short but very tight and fun set of turns and just bomb around after getting super baked.

So this time out its me 3 and good friends going and it usually turns into a sort of competition once the turns start. I'm in the front as the corners come up so i get focused and push myself in hopes to get as much space between me and them strictly for bragging rights. As I'm coming into the sharpest turn of the bunch, a left hander, another bike appears coming in the opposite direction and I see him right before the apex and we both acknowledge each other for a split second, bad idea.

Now if anybody here rides you know that the bike goes where you look,period. I wiggle a bit coming out but I'm still feeling fast and I know the next few turns are not as tough so I hammer it on and keep going. Once the turns are done and the road straightens out I look in my mirror and see nobody so I'm thinking " fuck ya, I smoked them....." all while smiling under my helmet. 5 seconds later still nobody so again my head swells. The 3rd mirror check is followed quickly with a shoulder check and i see nothing, I know I'm good but my buddies can ride just as good.

I slow to almost a halt and look over my shoulder again confused so I do a 180. As soon as I straighten out I see a small black cloud of smoke coming just beyond the trees I was riding through. VISOR DOWN AND THROTTLE FULL!! As I approach the scene becomes clear. Its one of my best friends on his back writhing in pain as his R6 is engulfed in flames and the bike right beside it is the guys who eyes I met with minutes before.

Flames are at least 20' high, my buddy looks to be a mess, the other rider is standing motionless beside his wreck of a bike and my 3 other friends are trying to figure out what to do while tires and the radiator are bursting from the heat. My one buddy was aspiring to be a firefighter at the time so he was pretty calm considering and was just keeping my friend who's hurt talking to see what he was feeling and do his best to assess.

Now out come the neighbors and this is a farming community so they look like inbred hillbillies and they are certain that its a good idea to remove the helmet, WRONG. thankfully they called 911 as they came over so fire and ambulance were on the scene in a decent amount of time and we follow Nick to the hospital behind the ambulance. He checked out just fine and only needed 4 stitches or something but his bike and helmet were destroyed and the doctor had to cut his leather jacket off.

The officer involved now is a female so she goes right onto mother hen mode starting to lecture us on how deadly these bikes are and what were we thinking and so on. I was concerned about my friend obviously so I had to call her out, can't remember what was said but she left us alone quickly.

TBH the worst part was me making the phone call to his mom and being all "Hi Patty......Ok just stay cool here ok? I'm here at the hospital with your boy and someone almost killed him but he's going to be just fine" At first she lost it but after a minute of reassuring her she got it together and was just happy he didn't die. We had awesome times on bikes for years, I'll try to put up another one later.

Damn that is a crazy story Bird, Your buddy is lucky man. Fuuuucccccckkkk bikes. I never liked them...not because I didn't think they were cool or fun, but because I didn't trust other people's driving.
 

La Paix

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I Wild Each It;n29447 said:
^^^ Splinty check out Birdwatchers complaint there. Not sure what's up with that.
I thought he fixed it the other day as I couldn't replicate it at the time he was helping. It hit and miss tbh.
 

La Paix

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D241;n29460 said:
BW, tell us an anecdote about your hot wife :)

Lol. OK here one but its not what your thinking I bet.

I have two young kids, daughter is 5 and son is 3. About 18 months ago I'm waking up to my beautiful naked wife so I decide to start my day right with her. 5 minutes in and were in the spoon fuck position with a good pace going. Now to go back a bit my wife was pretty adamant on us getting a high bed as the one we had previously was an Ikea malm bed which sits super low, like a foot off the ground. So this bed we are fucking on is about 3' or so to the top. So as I'm doing my thing I peer over a bit as I love to see her big titties bounce as the sheets are at our knees and before my eyes get there I see the top half of my daughters face with eyes the size of diner plates about 2 feet from her mom who's looking up in pure extasy I assume. The second I stop Big Bird freezes, I grab the sheets and slowly pull them up and say "good morning princess...." No words comes out of the 4 year old, she just slowly exits the room and then I hear the TV turn on.......I wait for my wife to laugh first to make sure I'm not a horrible dad which she does and then I go back to reminding her why we decided to make kids in the first place, it just feels too good not to try.
 

Wild

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I sucked Stillmatics WOODley;n29468 said:
Lol. OK here one but its not what your thinking I bet.

I have two young kids, daughter is 5 and son is 3. About 18 months ago I'm waking up to my beautiful naked wife so I decide to start my day right with her. 5 minutes in and were in the spoon fuck position with a good pace going. Now to go back a bit my wife was pretty adamant on us getting a high bed as the one we had previously was an Ikea malm bed which sits super low, like a foot off the ground. So this bed we are fucking on is about 3' or so to the top. So as I'm doing my thing I peer over a bit as I love to see her big titties bounce as the sheets are at our knees and before my eyes get there I see the top half of my daughters face with eyes the size of diner plates about 2 feet from her mom who's looking up in pure extasy I assume. The second I stop Big Bird freezes, I grab the sheets and slowly pull them up and say "good morning princess...." No words comes out of the 4 year old, she just slowly exits the room and then I hear the TV turn on.......I wait for my wife to laugh first to make sure I'm not a horrible dad which she does and then I go back to reminding her why we decided to make kids in the first place, it just feels too good not to try.

LOL, been there. So then we started locking the doors EVERY time, but it never seems to matter. It's like my youngest gets an auto alert on her phone, anytime ole dad is about to get some pussy because there's always a knock at the door. "what you all doin' in there". Never fails. "Folding laundry! Now go watch some TV!"
 

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CRAZIEST SPRING BREAK EVER...FRAT WARNING




It was my junior year in high school so me and some of my bros Matt jaggers,Nathan Pickle mind you nate is 25 and was our "Chauffeur" Lol he was a big homie who is like a big brother and a coach for us cuz he was a stud wrestler from new castle and wrestled also at IU...our families all knew eachother cuz around here wrestlling families stick together...Any ways were load up jaggers aunts van with 7 of us meat heads...we all head to Panama city beach...


On the way were are smoking trees and stop at a gas station..I get some donuts and get back in the van after few hours i pass out stoned only wake up about 2 AM...in waking i start looking for my donuts in which gave fallen under my seat..i rummage around and get them and smash3 of them immediately...mind you it's dark i can't see shit so i start licking the icing off my fingers..Hmmm this fucking icing is gritty and nasty... turn on the light And see fucking bearing grease all over my face...when searching for my donuts i had been touching the seat rails under the seat..which i assumed was icing and ate like a fucking idiot..




yea im a fool lol So few hours later were arrive at Panama and we get our hotel in which had to many people for...so we snuck all of us in...by day2 we had ripped the head board of the walls and the toilet was broke..yea my friends are destructive lol..any ways me and jaggers set of to get breakfast one morning...walk in front of this truck load of hillbilly jocks who start talking shit jaggers bout his sandals..this is before jaggers ever fought and was just a stud wrestler 213-11in high school be exact..i walk to the truck and ask what the fucking problem is..before the driver can respond i knock the ever loving shit out of him...he slumps forward and begins moaning..the passenger gets out we square up and i blast double him into his truck and drop him on his head..mean while jaggers is standing there in shock..i get off dude cuz theres a crowd gathering and we gingerly walk off as those turds speed off....



Fast forward day 5..we all get cleaned up and are going to the largest club in the US club La Vela...its huge place and all get in some, got fakes..18 was minimum had few under that... we all had pre drank and are feeling good..I start dancing with two fine ass Hawaiian girls who are in fact Bi sexual..I'm having time of my life dancing as fondling and being fondled by these two gorgeous falls..we all broke the number one rule when going out in a foreign place NEVER GO ONE ON ONE WHEN YOU HIT THE CLUB..


Im going to get a drink for me and my sure fire fucks that night as i see a friend from NC who wasnt in my group but was a friend, arguing with another Lurch looking fucker. They are on a stage and i can see them bickering so i make my way over to see what's up...well my buddy jumps off on the opposite side of where I'm at and this fucktard jumps of right in front of me...He begins to jump around like a fucking ape saying inaudible things..its dark lights are strobing..I say what's your problem and he makes a upper cut motion towards me..he barely punches me and takes off running...(he must have been ready to stab Cory)...


I start after him and i get the sharpest pain on my rib cage..i look down and see a softball sized knot squirting blood a foot out of my stomach..i am in shock and walk over to Nathan and he put his arm around me unaware I'm stabbed..i point down and i see a black man's face turn white in the dark... He gets a club employee and they drag me back into a room where they lay me down and i and laying in a puddle of blood in which mildewed the tongues of my shoes i bled so bad...as they are wheeling me out i see all my friends teared up yelling were gonna fucking get him Johnny..something out of the "Outsiders"...


welp the Bastard fled and was not caught hum in Ohio 6months later..that's a whole different story I'll tell yall after this novel sometime..In turn I arrive at the hospital in shock where the doctor finds out o have a approximate 7 to 9 inch puncture..it collapsed my lung,went through my liver and diaphragm...i was so lucky i was in good shape or death would have got me..i was hospitalized for 9days...funny party is it happened on April 1st and put parents thought it was a prank..shit i wish...Ill post pics of my scars...


a month later i was having itching on my scar and i snag my finger on something sharp..i realize the doctor left a staple in so i dig out out with needle noise pliers..that was my second beat death experience..Ill tell yall my spider bite story sometime also lol..all my friends say i should pout my life stories in a book... I tell you guys my past cuz you all seem like great guys and fans on the sport i love..its the least i can do for you REAL guys who are the reason I loved fight in the first place..I had no other choice guy...what else would a crazy bastard like me do..I had a wrestling scholarship and was Accepted to every college i applied to..and was 30th in my class of 270..i may seem like a nut but trust me i have a good head on my shoulders..I was emancipated at 16 and been on my own..Jaggers family pretty much took me in..i got so many stories this thread will go on for forever...Its a pleasure talking with you guys...
 

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I sucked Stillmatics WOODley;n29623 said:
I can fap to this....
Lol did you read the story behind it..it could help your fapping imagery..
 

La Paix

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^^^^ I read it out loud to a group of coworkers. Once the pics came up I asked to be excused.
 

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Hahaha you rotten fuck...
 

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I left out the party where the house keepers found out weed...when we're came back we were locked out off our room..upon getting gour electric key reactivated, the hotel notified the police and they showed up lol..dumped our liquor and weed..we got lucky really..hell if we would have got in trouble i might not have gotten stabbed..lucky me
 

D241

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I sucked Stillmatics WOODley;n29468 said:
Lol. OK here one but its not what your thinking I bet.

I have two young kids, daughter is 5 and son is 3. About 18 months ago I'm waking up to my beautiful naked wife so I decide to start my day right with her. 5 minutes in and were in the spoon fuck position with a good pace going. Now to go back a bit my wife was pretty adamant on us getting a high bed as the one we had previously was an Ikea malm bed which sits super low, like a foot off the ground. So this bed we are fucking on is about 3' or so to the top. So as I'm doing my thing I peer over a bit as I love to see her big titties bounce as the sheets are at our knees and before my eyes get there I see the top half of my daughters face with eyes the size of diner plates about 2 feet from her mom who's looking up in pure extasy I assume. The second I stop Big Bird freezes, I grab the sheets and slowly pull them up and say "good morning princess...." No words comes out of the 4 year old, she just slowly exits the room and then I hear the TV turn on.......I wait for my wife to laugh first to make sure I'm not a horrible dad which she does and then I go back to reminding her why we decided to make kids in the first place, it just feels too good not to try.

Good story.

When it comes to making babies, my motto is practice makes perfect.

I have two kids who also are two years apart, 2 years and 12 days to be exact. Both boys. 8 & 6. I love them lots.
 

D241

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crazy story Johnny. You're one wild crazy sob man. Wilder than me no doubt.
 

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D241;n29750 said:
crazy story Johnny. You're one wild crazy sob man. Wilder than me no doubt.
Lol..lookin back on stuff the shit I've experienced its not normal lol...Turtle at the zoo story tomorrow..its short and funny...
 

Wild

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Johnny is a fucking madman lol. Glad you're still here with us bud...that's some scary shit. Been in many scraps in my day, and wonder sometimes how lucky I was something like that never happened to me. Very easily could have.
 

D241

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I have a fight story. I'm not a fighter and have no training but I got in more fights than the average person, but probably less than most of you all.

Setting UFC 103 weekend-FIRST UFC EVER IN DALLAS
All my friends KNOW how huge of an mma fan I am.

Friday, go to the weigh ins. Sit next to Tyson Griffin's manager's wife and made small talk.

On the way home, 5 o'clock traffic on george bush freeway, i change lanes to the far left lane. There was a car in front of me so i had to slow down, but this asshole in the far left lane about 50 yars behind me creeps up on me, gets right behind me, and then passes me shaking his fist like he was mad that I seemingly cut him off.
Knowing if i hadn't have changed lanes, he still would've had to slow down anyway for the car that was in front of me, so knowing I was innocent, I started to mock his anger. My friend did too. Friend was giving him the ole Fuck you hand sign, where as I was instigating a little further doing the mocking "sucking dick" sign.

This guy was LIVID. I am the opposite. I just had an Awesome experience at my first weigh ins, was on cloud 9.
He motions for me to "pull over", to which I match that motion with my own hands like "go on, lets pull over".

I had no intention of pulling over or getting out, but this asshole cut in front of me, and came to a complete stop-On The Highway during 5 o'clock traffic.

This dude gets out of his truck, and I see him, and I think to myself..."Fuck Me". The guy was pretty big. I'm 5'10 185ish, this dude was 6'2 or 6'3 at least 235lbs. Muscular, like one of the dudes at sand volleyball courses that show off their muscles to the girls. Basically I could look like that if I was a work out nut.

Anyways, this angry dude close to my age, mid-late twenties, gets out of his vehicle and comes over to mine. I get out, and ....

Like Nick Diaz, I ain't no bitch. However, that being said, I was not in a mood to fight, I was happy for 1. 2, this guy honestly was a musclular bigger dude and I'd been in fights and won, but never against someone with that size advantage. I tried to play off the situation like Allen Iverson, "we talking about practice, not a game, but practice?" Only I was saying, "We're talking about traffic, not a race, not a race, we're talking about....T-r-a-f-f-i-c."

I suggested we both just get in our vehicles and drive away. That's when he took my niceness as me being a punk or a bitch. and said "alright, get in your car first and drive away then". He may have added a "punk" comment at the end. I can't remember but the tone was he was trying to make me look like a bitch by commanding me to get in my car and drive off, and sorry, I have too much pride to be talked to like that....

So I said, "no, you get in your car first". Then, he pushed me-HARD. I hit the driver side door that was shut. It jolted me, and in most any other circumstance, it'd be ON at this point. Him being as big as he was, me not being quite in fight mode yet, I still tried to calm the situation and said with my hands up, "Dude really?"

At this point he shoved me again! Just as hard. At this point, my disrespect meter was going off bigtime. This was the line. If I do nothing, I am a bitch and a coward and walk away having to live with a cowardice move.

So I clinched my fist, thought of what I was going to do(not box this big ass mother fucker), I swung an overhand right and IMMEDIATELY went for a double...sure enough-I got it!!

I was on top of this guy, on the far left lane of a highway between the lane and the shoulder. We scrambled and we ended up in north/south position with me being on top. I quickly went for a chock but this guy knew to duck his chin plus he had this Huge thick neck. I realized I couldn't sink it in and wasn't going to waste the strength, and he scrambled back up to his feet.

Again, big ass angry muscle dude who wants to rip my head off, I wasn't trying to have a striking exchange on the feet. I went for another takedown, sure enough, I got that again!(I have no wrestling experience except for grappling with friends and many years of studying-not practicing-mma).

This whole entire time cars are passing us on the shoulder, honking their horns. After the 2nd scramble my friend was like "guys, come on someone's gonna call the cops I do not want to get arrested for this stupid shit".

i said to the guy-"Are we done or do you want to go somewhere else"? He said "I'm done".

I walked to my car a few feet away. His truck was further ahead, but I stopped. I purposely waited for him to open his door first and get in. When he did, I felt like a bad ass mother fucker! I turned to him and said, "you got 50lbs on me and didn't do shit". He stopped and looked back and said "what"?
"I said, you got at least 50lbs of muscle on me and you didnt' do SHIT". He just shrugged his head and got in his truck-FIRST.
 

D241

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the extra to the story-
I was wearing flip flops, and had my g/f's pink camera in my shorts pocket the entire time this fight was happening.

This guy was so pissed off, he approached me, yet the entire time of the scuffle, I do not recall one time him even throwing a punch let alone landing one. Very odd being I was the fight avoider and he was the fight instigator.

The only bad part, is because I was wearing flip flops, when I went for one of the takedowns on the cement freeway, I popped off my big toe nail. Honestly with the adrenaline it didn't even hurt. I'd tell you if it did but it looked way worse and uglier than it was. Also with all the grappling, I got real bad carpet burn/road rash on my knees. That actually hurt the most as the next days when it scabbed over, when my knees would bend from bent to straight, it'd hurt a little.

But Fuck it man, I got a bad ass story to tell, wasn't a bitch, and felt good about the overall situation.

The BEST PART-Tyson Griffin's manager's wife that I was sitting next to at the weigh ins, one of the small talk conversations we had was that she said sometimes the UFC gives fighters camps free tickets, but many times they aren't good seats so they purchase their own. I followed up with-"What do you do with the other tickets just try to sell them?"

She said, "Oh no, no, we would never sell tickets the UFC gave us. We just usually give them away".
Well, I was with two friends and she was by herself so I wanted to make her feel comfortable as I'm an mma fan and just want fellow mma fans to enjoy the experience. She really felt that from me and before it was over she said, "let me get your # in case we end up having a ticket to give away".

I gave her my # and sure enough the next day, she called me telling me I can have an extra ticket!!

Not only did I get to go, but I got to sit with Tyson Griffin's family and camp!!! This was UFC 103 when Tyson OBLITERATED Hermes Franca, arguably the best performance of Tyson's career.(Hermes was extremely hard to finish up to that point).

Tyson's brother was super respectful, mom was super nice. I talked to his coaches and even informed them about some mma news they weren't aware of.

Friday-Weigh ins, I get in a bad ass fight
Saturday-I get invited to UFC 103 with Tyson Griffin's family
Sunday-Dallas Cowboys New Stadium Home Opener. ALL that had to happen for this to be one of the greatest weekends of my life, was the Cowboys needed to beat the Giants in the first game at the new stadium. Giants won-fuckers.
 

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D241;n29856 said:
the extra to the story-
I was wearing flip flops, and had my g/f's pink camera in my shorts pocket the entire time this fight was happening.

This guy was so pissed off, he approached me, yet the entire time of the scuffle, I do not recall one time him even throwing a punch let alone landing one. Very odd being I was the fight avoider and he was the fight instigator.

The only bad part, is because I was wearing flip flops, when I went for one of the takedowns on the cement freeway, I popped off my big toe nail. Honestly with the adrenaline it didn't even hurt. I'd tell you if it did but it looked way worse and uglier than it was. Also with all the grappling, I got real bad carpet burn/road rash on my knees. That actually hurt the most as the next days when it scabbed over, when my knees would bend from bent to straight, it'd hurt a little.

But Fuck it man, I got a bad ass story to tell, wasn't a bitch, and felt good about the overall situation.

The BEST PART-Tyson Griffin's manager's wife that I was sitting next to at the weigh ins, one of the small talk conversations we had was that she said sometimes the UFC gives fighters camps free tickets, but many times they aren't good seats so they purchase their own. I followed up with-"What do you do with the other tickets just try to sell them?"

She said, "Oh no, no, we would never sell tickets the UFC gave us. We just usually give them away".
Well, I was with two friends and she was by herself so I wanted to make her feel comfortable as I'm an mma fan and just want fellow mma fans to enjoy the experience. She really felt that from me and before it was over she said, "let me get your # in case we end up having a ticket to give away".

I gave her my # and sure enough the next day, she called me telling me I can have an extra ticket!!

Not only did I get to go, but I got to sit with Tyson Griffin's family and camp!!! This was UFC 103 when Tyson OBLITERATED Hermes Franca, arguably the best performance of Tyson's career.(Hermes was extremely hard to finish up to that point).

Tyson's brother was super respectful, mom was super nice. I talked to his coaches and even informed them about some mma news they weren't aware of.

Friday-Weigh ins, I get in a bad ass fight
Saturday-I get invited to UFC 103 with Tyson Griffin's family
Sunday-Dallas Cowboys New Stadium Home Opener. ALL that had to happen for this to be one of the greatest weekends of my life, was the Cowboys needed to beat the Giants in the first game at the new stadium. Giants won-fuckers


bet he was gassed and nervous after you took his bitch ass down..fighting bigger guys in the street always seemed easier cuz once I dumped they were beached whales and ripe for bows and soccer kicks..also higher guys are easier to sub for me cuz i put them in muck cranks lol I dropped down to a calf crusher on this Ball state line man in a fight and i start he was hitting high notes.like Mariah Carey ...sneakers guys are are wirey..but 99 out if a 100 it didn't matter..its like a a decent nba player goin the school yard..CHILDS PLAY
 

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D241;n31468 said:
found an old pic i took of my toe nail popped off

Ewwww.bet that smelled wonderful
 

Lamont Cranston

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One time Dan Henderson saved me from a psychotic stripper at a Las Vegas bar who wanted to f*ck me.
 

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Dougie;n31618 said:
One time Dan Henderson saved me from a psychotic stripper at a Las Vegas bar who wanted to f*ck me.
Lol that's hilarious..was you happy or sad?