Society Guy just tried to fight me at the coffee shop

Discussion in 'The Off-topic Lounge' started by Filthy, Mar 13, 2019.

  1. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    Drive-thru line had backed up and was blocking my car in. Most folks let you out, some folks don't pay attention.

    There was a sheriff's deputy blocking me when I got in my car, he pulled forward, car behind him didn't leave me room to get out, but it happens. Guy behind him is in a big ol' lifted Chevy diesel, and gets RIGHT UP ON that guy, basically being a dick because he thought it was funny or could compensate for his small weiner in ways the truck could not.

    Whatever.

    I back it out slow, its tight but not impossible. So my window is right by his and he yells down at me "DERPA DERP!" as I put it in gear and roll out.

    I replied that he should try eating a bag of male genitals.
    He yells about fucking me up and opens his door to deploy whatever ladder/elevator he uses to get in and out of his truck.


    Leaves truck in gear.

    Rear-ends car in front of him.
    Glorious sound of crunching plastic and glass.
    Sheriff steps out and I call out as I slowly pull away
    "Enjoy the rest of your day,"
     
    #1 Filthy, Mar 13, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2019
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  2. conor mcgregor nut hugger

    conor mcgregor nut hugger King beyond the Wall

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    So you ran away?
     
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  3. Ricky Bobby

    Ricky Bobby I apparently look like a Jewish accountant

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    anyone who uses derpa derp is a pussy
    Does he have any idea how many different ways you could ensure he got crippled for life?
     
    #3 Ricky Bobby, Mar 13, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2019
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  4. MovinOn

    MovinOn Canis lupus familiaris

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  5. Outlaw Shit

    Outlaw Shit No Comment
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    describe his appearance to complete mental image
     
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  6. Jdog93

    Jdog93 Grrrrrrrr..

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    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled Dad motherfucker of the planet

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    This really happened? Either way a great story. BIGWHITESEXY alive and well.
     
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  8. PND (loves chicken tacos)

    PND (loves chicken tacos) Jimmy Carr is a genius

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    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled Dad motherfucker of the planet

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  10. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    Replace with a white ball cap and a goatee and you nailed it.

    And short. When he stood on the running board his head was barely taller than the door.
     
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  11. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    100% legit.
    It was the dutch bros on imbrie road, Hillsboro, OR.
    Look it up, I was parked on the east side, furthest spot out.

    Some chick was taking the order from the car that got hit.

    Call the stand and verify, sure it's all the talk.
    Happened just before 2PM
     
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  12. Outlaw Shit

    Outlaw Shit No Comment
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    Dutch bros bro
     
  13. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    Dutch Brothers if you're an O.G.
     
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  14. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled Dad motherfucker of the planet

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    If you say it really happened that's good enough for me. Great story with a happy ending. If you were in a Prius it would be perfect.
     
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  15. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    Rental.

    Kia Optima.
     
  16. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled Dad motherfucker of the planet

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    My Gf was in the Medford/Ashland area for a bit. Didn't get up to the Portland area much.
     
  17. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    I'm up here for work at least once a month. Used to live here, but I don't miss it much. Ashland is nice, some decent off-piste skiing.
     
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  18. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    And I come up on the Corp jet, which is way better
     
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  19. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled Dad motherfucker of the planet

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    Baller status!
     
  20. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    it's a double-edged sword.

    If it wasn't so convenient, they wouldn't send me so often. I also support teams in WA and CA (Frisco and LA). Now they're talking about wanting me to support teams in France, Malaysia, England, India...

    But I've got 3 little kids, and I ain't about that travel life right now.
    But I'll finish my grad degree this term (hopefully) and then I'll take a couple months of sabbatical and figure it out.
     
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  21. Outlaw Shit

    Outlaw Shit No Comment
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    too close to portland...they are all divide and conquered up there
     
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  22. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    and it's not as baller as it sounds.
    It's nicer than commercial, mostly because it doesn't involve getting groped by min wage strangers, but it's not James Bond shit.
     
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  23. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled Dad motherfucker of the planet

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    I told my GF your story. She said she likes Human Bean better. :)
     
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  24. Filthy

    Filthy Too dumb to win, too tough to Ignore

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    I sauntered forth from a flawless victory.

    I can wrestle, I don't have to run.
     
  25. ConorMcGregorsBeard

    ConorMcGregorsBeard The Face That Runs the Place

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    TL: DR version.

    1) OP gets bent because guy won't let him in.
    2) OP cuts guy off.
    3) Guy yells at OP for being a dick.
    4) OP yells back at him for some inexplicable reason.
    5) Guy isn't very smart and his vehicle hits another.
    6) OP flees scene of an accident.
     
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