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General I was described as disabled

Discussion in 'The Off-topic Lounge' started by mysticmac, May 19, 2017.

  1. mysticmac

    mysticmac First 1025

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    Yesterday, I was at a work conference and my ass was asleep. The metal chairs they had at this event were a pain in the ass, literally, so I was standing in the back of the room slowly pacing back and forth to wake my ass up when one of the event workers told me that I couldn't stand there because the fire marshal would give them shit.

    She was cute, so I didn't wanna say, "but my bottom hurts!", so I told her I was having back problems and couldn't sit. She told me that I could get an ADA (American disability act) event badge, then I could stand wherever I want and the fire marshal wouldn't give a shit.

    I realized that meant I would also get to cut every line, so I went and got one.

    I was standing in the back of another presentation when someone else decided to follow suit. The event staff promptly told him he couldn't stand, and he replied with, "Well why does he get to stand?" while pointing at me. The event staff guy said, "Sir, he's disabled." The guy apologized and sat down.

    FRAT version: asleep ass is a serious condition that affects millions of Americans.
     
    #1 mysticmac, May 19, 2017
    Last edited: May 19, 2017
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  2. Mix6APlix

    Mix6APlix The more you cry, the less I care.

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    I describe all fans of the Irish guy the same.
     
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  3. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    "Well why does Andrew get to get up? He gets up. We'll all get up. It'll be anarchy. It's out of my hands."

    "That's very clever sir. But what if there's a fire. I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career sir."

    "Ok. What are you doing with this? Get this out of here for Pete's sake. You know I expected a little more from a varsity letterman."
     
    #3 Hauler, May 19, 2017
    Last edited: May 19, 2017
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  4. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    Sorry. I'm bored as shit. Stupid conference calls.
     
  5. Mix6APlix

    Mix6APlix The more you cry, the less I care.

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    I don't think I have to sit here with you fucking dildos.
     
  6. Chief

    Chief Miesha is p4p GOAT
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    Haha. I'm dying over here.
     
  7. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    Do you see this? That looks like the size of a cigar. DO I STUTTER?!? You see, this is what you get at my house for spilling paint in the garage.
     
  8. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    She lives in Canada. I met her at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know her.

    -Ever laid anyone around here? Oh...you and Claire did it.

    What are you talking about?

    Nothing. Let's just talk about it later. Just drop it.

    No, drop what? What are you talking about?

    -Well, in addition to the numerous girls in the Niagara Falls area, that currently you and he are riding the hobby horse.

    You little pig!

    No, I'm not. John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn't. That's all that was said.

    -Well, then what were you motioning to Claire for?

    You know I don't appreciate this very much Brian

    He is lying!

    -Oh, you weren't motioning to Claire?

    You know he's lying right?
     
  9. Passive Jay

    Passive Jay Not Worthy

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    mitch hedberg did a joke about this.

    security guy told him he could not stand where he was because he was blocking a fire exit... like if there was a fire he was not going to move? If you are flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit!
     
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  10. HEATH VON DOOM

    HEATH VON DOOM TEAM LEE

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    May as well apply for your handicap parking permit since your ass hurts so bad
     
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  11. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    Oh and wouldnt that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet.

    -You wouldn't know anything about it f@ggot. (Got ya @Splinty@Splinty) You've never competed in your whole life.

    I know. And I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.

    -You'd never make it. You don't have any goals

    Oh but I do. When I grow up I want to be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights.

    You wear tights?

    No I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.

    Tights.

    Shut up!
     
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  12. KWingJitsu

    KWingJitsu Well-Known Member

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    That explains your posts...
     
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  13. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    Ok. Conference call is almost over. Sorry for shitposting this thread.
     
  14. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    Lol, What's going on in here?
     
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  15. Filthy

    Filthy Sex and a Car Wreck

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    nothing, mom. we're going to sleep.
     
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  16. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    SHIT!!!!! IT'S A MOD!!!!

    [​IMG]
     
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  17. Song2

    Song2 ATM 3 Champion.Chief Regulator.
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    I once got in trouble in Spain. I just got off a flight there which I'd decided I should try a bottle of champagne. When we got off they herded us together while we were waiting for the immigration booths to open so I said fuck this and opened a fire escape at one of the gates and went out for a smoke. Well some other passengers saw me and enquired if this was the smoking area. Sure is I said. We got about halfway down out cigarettes before the airport security ran over like we was isis and told us off.


    Can't remember where I'm going with this. Maybe don't open fire escapes at airports to go for smokes
     
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  18. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    No worries. It fits right in with the flow of this thread so far.

    Not OPs fault by the way. I'm not one to make fun of the disabled.
     
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  19. Song2

    Song2 ATM 3 Champion.Chief Regulator.
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    Not to his face at least
     
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  20. mysticmac

    mysticmac First 1025

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    [​IMG]
     
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  21. Song2

    Song2 ATM 3 Champion.Chief Regulator.
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    Looks like he has a hearing disability
     
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  22. Hauler

    Hauler Unknown Member

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    And delusions of pugilism
     
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