General I'm fuming right now

Discussion in 'The Off-topic Lounge' started by Toelocku, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I know all about suboxone I was on it for years and know that it's easy to get off of if you actually want to
     
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  2. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I'm not giving up
     
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  3. yuki2054

    yuki2054 graded martial artist

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    Well then quit whinging to the lowest common denominator on the Internet. Call your wife. Apologise to her. And tell her that you will stand by her side no matter what. That's what you need to do now, okay?
     
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  4. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    She doesn't want to stop that's the problem and she will be prescribed them for the rest of her life if her doctor sees fit they aren't taking people off of them anymore like they should got to keep the money rolling in

    It is a sickness I know that but lying to someone for 6 months is not tolerable either
     
  5. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    your primary goal of stopping all prescription medication is an arbitrary one in the end.

    In some ways you have now apply that same arbitrary goal to her stopping her medications.

    You have actually addressed the one portion where I would have a concern that she was on big doses trying to get high legally. but she isn't. She's on a tapered dose under the supervision of an addiction specialist that's probably psychiatry.

    Yes it's psychological. But addiction is psychological. And psychology is still rooted in biology.


    I would leave an addict wife that did not get help.
    I would not be quick to ruin my marriage for an addict wife who got help.

    What will be your response if she gets high cholesterol, something that is predominantly a genetic drive as we age? Will you rage that she simply could not diet enough to overcome her genetics? Every time she eats the same fried chicken tender that you eat, will you see it as one little piece a failure because your cholesterol stays normal?

    If the only thing is a war against pills I really would highly suggest you seek therapy yourself and look at reframing your view on the world. Change your inner storm before you burn the house to the ground. Your expectation of no prescription medicines for everyone forever is unrealistic and quite arbitrary. You will pass up a lot of really great partners for this goal that isn't really focused on whatever it is you're most desiring. The pill simply represents some superficial nature. What do you really want? Someone with control? Someone was self-confidence?
    The pills aren't the problem with your marriage.
     
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  6. JonJonesBeard

    JonJonesBeard The Face That Runs the Place

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    I'm giving you the best advice I was ever given when it came to dealing with addicts. It was also some of the hardest for me to accept.
     
  7. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    Apologize lol she lied to me...fuck that soy filled shit

    I'm not whinning I'm looking for good ideas
     
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  8. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    She lied, not because she's an addict, but because he demanded something without getting her buy in first. He talks about tough love and of course the only response to that will be hiding for fear of losing the relationship and fear of confronting his rage.
    Yes she's an addict. But this is the response to any relationship in which somebody suddenly demands something without getting by in from the other partner. The other person might say yes and there is in amount of fault to the lying. But the dynamic here seems to be that he demands and she acquiesces.

    I hope the OP will see that this is a self-defeating type of maneuver when the relationship is not you versus them but you as a team trying to get stronger.

    Yes she was hiding it but take some responsibility that she was never bought into it and you forced it on her first. Go to counseling alone and then together.
     
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  9. yuki2054

    yuki2054 graded martial artist

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    She's lied to you? Big deal... Like I said already man up (and deal with it).
     
  10. The Boatman

    The Boatman <------=<
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    Keep it friendly y'all...I know all mean well

    great advice though...I am reading and learning
     
    #35 The Boatman, Aug 12, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2019
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  11. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    Did she have the option to say no?
    Would you have left her?
    Does she know that?

    I'm going to give you some tough love... Soy-filled shit is you not taking responsibility for your portion and creating this.

    I like you man, but I hope you don't burn your marriage down here. I'm telling you like I would tell a friend, you weren't totally in the right here. She wasn't totally in the wrong. Accept your peace and how you cause this and quit maximizing your victimhood. She hid what she was already doing. She never wanted to stop and it doesn't sound anywhere like this was a joint decision.
     
  12. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I never said stop all prescription medicines... I don't think that's wise... sometimes they are needed but in this case they are not

    Analogizing poisonous opiates to fried chicken is weak sause dude

    What's funny is doctors used to wean people off of opiates all together with suboxone which is an excellent treatment option but once they found out that the money train from keeping them on Suboxone was just as good as prescribing them opiates all of a sudden the treatment protocol changed...funny how that happens
     
  13. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I've been patient for 5 years my patience has run out
     
  14. JonJonesBeard

    JonJonesBeard The Face That Runs the Place

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    That's not how marriage works.

    If your patience has run out and you want to leave, that's your decision to make, but remember it's your decision.
     
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  15. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    It's not.
    Youre not clear about your intent and views.


    This is such a naive and layman's understanding of an incredibly complex topic that has multiple strategies...and the basis that there has been such a shift is inaccurate anyway.
     
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  16. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I said I wouldn't speak to her til she stopped...I dont want to leave we've been together 25years

    I live in the most hard-hit area in the country for opiates and have had four people close to me die from them I should be dead a hundred times over but somehow I survived... it would be one thing if she needed them for pain or what have you but that's not the case

    She poisoning herself for no good reason
     
  17. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I'm not leaving but I'm gonna get her to stop
     
  18. RaginCajun

    RaginCajun The UFC Belt Is A MacGuffin

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    It seems his real issue is that she lied about continuing to get pills and what the pills have made her. That is a valid concern imo.
     
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  19. JonJonesBeard

    JonJonesBeard The Face That Runs the Place

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    The definition of insanity...
     
  20. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I've studied the med and been a literal subject of it and in my state the protocol changed, instead of weaning off they keep people on indefinitely
     
  21. jason73

    jason73 TMMAC 2020
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    you cant make the decision to stop suboxone for her. she has to make that decision on her own. best of luck to you brother but this is not something you can force another person to do
     
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  22. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    Maybe...maybe not
     
  23. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    Bro. You're gonna fuck this up. You shouldn't. That's a long marriage that is likely worth you changing on this.

    she doesn't need them for pain. She needs him for opiate addiction per your OP.
    You are setting her up to become one of those deaths.
    but at least now I'm seeing you getting to the where you're actually hurting instead of just externalizing rage to cover it and trying to regain control.
    You obviously love her and are fearful that you will lose her on the current track.
    You think that somehow continuing the Suboxone represents her on a gradient to those losses that you've already had.
    That's what it sounds like to me.
    And I totally get that. I grew up with alcoholics. I'm sometimes too sensitive about it with my wife. I don't drink alone and I avoid casual drinking in the middle of the week. I try to avoid modeling alcoholic addiction behaviors so that I don't fall down that slope. Even though and in it's own right it means nothing, I would be more highly alerted than usual and probably most people if I came home to find my wife drinking alone in the middle of the week for these reasons.
    But you need some context dude. You need to quit learing all of those traumas and pains and losses into your relationship. Your wife isn't going to OD on Suboxone. She's much more likely to OD on opiates following your rules. She's not going to quit Suboxone under your ultimatum. she's much more likely to try to say yes to both things in her life that she can't say no to.
    If you reframed your thinking you would be less angry and less frustrated and less hurt... And ironically if you were to simply calm down let her go back on Suboxone and ask her what her horizon is and And if she ever plan to get off. If you ask questions and got buyin from her she might decide she wants to get off of it.either way your current tactic has failed so I'm much more likely to succeed than your current direction.

    She's not.
    By using loaded words like poison you are framing your control as saving her. But you're not.
    By saying no good reason you're discounting her reasons as being no good.

    These are not healthy ways to approach your partner. And for my pragmatic standpoint it's not a good way to get your goal in any situation that involves convincing others.
     
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  24. JonJonesBeard

    JonJonesBeard The Face That Runs the Place

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    You have a thread full of empathetic, caring people telling you that your approach, which clearly isn't working, will continue to not work. You're refusing to accept that and I really hope you realize the error of your ways before it's too late.
     
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  25. sparkuri

    sparkuri Pulse On The Finger Of The Community
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    I've got you beat, but I feel for ya.
    Been there.
    :)
     
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