General I'm fuming right now

Discussion in 'The Off-topic Lounge' started by Toelocku, Aug 12, 2019 at 5:22 PM.

  1. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    I've already pointed out that she shouldn't lie. But in the context he set her up for that and now it's blaming her. Her portion is there and he's not accepting his portion... That's my point. he literally told her he wouldn't speak to her if she continue the Suboxone. he talks about giving her tough love and that's the only thing that she listens to. Okay she should have just stepped up herself and told him to go fuck off.... Does that sound realistic in this dynamic? My point is that you don't get to set somebody up with such pressure in such a tactic and then act the victim that they lied. Yeah they aren't right but you're pretty wrong too and you created a lot of this.
     
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  2. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled First 10,000

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    Do you really think doctors are getting "rich" Rx'ing suboxone? You have no understanding how a medical office works. Nobody is getting rich writing RX's. Procedures are what makes medical offices money. Stop making this about anyone other than you and your wife.
     
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  3. Nemo?

    Nemo? Too weird to live, too rare to die.

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    Listen bro, a lot of good advice in this thread even @yuki2054@yuki2054 is coming with some solid shit but IMO.

    She lied to you so that's fair that you're pissed, but you have to play it cool for the week and just ask her tomorrow to sit down with you on the weekend and you two can sort thing's out with cooler head's and (hopefully) the kid's not in shouting distance. She already knows how you feel on the subject but let her get her full picture out and from there will you know what to do(make a plan I dunno), will you guys find a bridge to cross or go separate way's who knows.....but at least you can say you tried.

    Also don't cut this shit short too quick 25 year's and 3 kids gives her some rope to hang herself with.....sounds like you both had demon's and you saying you lost a few friends to this shit, you know were all broken puzzle pieces anyway.

    good luck my dude.
     
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  4. Filthy

    Filthy ZBM2.

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    i get that you've made your diagnosis...just not sure why you're issuing ultimatums. First, because an ultimatum is basically looking for an excuse to break up. And second, because I don't know how this ultimatum is going to help her get better.

    From what I know about addiction, not being an addict myself, is that overcoming addiction is a lot of getting used to the new normal. It's basically coping with it for a very long time in order to get past that period in your life. I know one guy who was getting his undergrad when I was, and he was on methadone or some other such medication. Still had is shit together, even if he was a little dopey and forgetful from time to time.

    I just need more info to get to "fuming". Please don't toe-lock me.
     
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  5. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled First 10,000

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    Sometimes we want to be right rather than actually solving problems. OP if you love your wife still and you want to fix this @Splinty@Splinty gave you some real advice. I know you're mad but you also need to understand your wife isn't using logic. She has an addiction.

    Your best attempt at fixing this is being a loving partner and going with her to wherever she needs to go to resolve this and be there for her. If you want to stay mad and be right let me know what state your in and I will find you a good divorce lawyer.
     
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  6. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I'll think about it...thanks man
     
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  7. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    My doc runs a suboxone clinic and theres a 2 year waiting list dude...he makes a killin
     
  8. Wild

    Wild TMMAC's Most Handsome Admin
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    First thing, take a deep breath and sleep on things before confronting her any more about it. You're pissed and any discussion today probably won't be productive. Tomorrow, sit her down and find out why she's been doing this. If she's an addict, support her in helping her get clean. But let her know, if she chooses to refuse treatment, and uses behind your back, you'll be left with no choice but to make difficult decisions.

    Wishing you two the best my man. Chin up.
     
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  9. Splinty

    Splinty Shake 'em off
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    It's all good man.
    You know what we do as men??? We try to problem solved. We problem solve ourselves and try to do it for everyone else. when your boy is complaining about something you know it's because he wants to hear solutions from you.

    You know what we are really bad at as men? Not having control. You can't problem solve if you don't have control. You can't be the rock or a provider or any of that in our usual thinking. giving up control feels like the antithesis to everything about being masculine. Masculinity in its own right is a state of stability in most ways. It's shelter and safety.

    So not saying to blame yourself here. I'm saying to understand why you're feelings are natural and why they're the first ways that you tried to solve this. Your internal rage/anger/fortitude at your own addiction drove your willpower to wanting to go onto Suboxone and eventually to quit that too.
    You spent 24 hours a day working through your thoughts and getting ready for that battle. For how long??? Years??? And then you stepped out into the open. You did it. You accomplished your goal. You regained control. I can't begin to wonder what it's like to have no control for so long and suddenly have your control back. In some ways it must feel like being reborn and becoming a man again. At a minimum it is a return to the man that you want to be. Bravo. It's an amazing thing you did.

    but you and I both know that you could not have done that one year before or six months or one week or maybe even one day. You had to think about it every minute of the day for probably years. You had to feel like shit and And watch people die and still not make that step. You had to rationalize all kinds of things. you had to psych yourself up and then fail and do it again. And in one day you were finally ready. You've now seen the other side and out of some place of love You're simply trying to exert your control on your own surroundings. Recognize that there's some fear in there that you haven't really regained all the control you thought. But also I realize you're just trying to get her to have all of this control and power and freedom that you've learned that you can have again.

    You couldn't have made that step one day too soon. You would have failed. It was a culmination of experiences that psyched you up ready for battle to fully quit.

    Get her ready. Support her. Get her resilient. Get her ready. Know that you would have failed if someone pushed you a day too soon.

    Oh and here's the last part... women don't talk to hear your solutions. Not usually anyway. They don't talk just to be heard. That's superficial bullshit for men that don't understand women. Women talk out problems because it helps them arrange their internal ideas. So when your wife doesn't want to hear you tell her how to solve her addiction problem, That's not a rejection of your support or your value or your knowledge on how to quit. She knows you know how to quit. She just wants to work through it in her own head. That's how she will one day be where you got, regaining her freedom.
     
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  10. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled First 10,000

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    He couldn't afford me.
     
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  11. lueVelvet

    lueVelvet WHERT DA FERCK?

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    Maybe your reaction to this is the reason why she didn’t tell you she was struggling with it?

    Also, to some opiates are something like an anti-depressant. It gives different things to different people. It’s not all about a “high” per se. It very well may mean something entirely different to her than it ever did to you. Knowing how this affects people differently can maybe help you understand where she’s at with all of this.

    Maybe she can try switching it up to something like Kratom. It was a life saver for me when I needed to get off the pills.
     
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  12. Kneeblock

    Kneeblock Jumbo shrimp

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    I hear this man. I grew up with addicts in my family too. For some, it's very easy to get off and they just seem to not want to. But what I've found over the years is that not everyone is the same when managing their addictions. Being without is much harder for some than others and a poor substitute can be better than a total relapse. As a former addict yourself, you have to accept that your perspective may be compromised because you see getting yourself past it as a sign of your own personal strength. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same strength.

    If she's putting you or your kids at risk, then it's within reason to leave her. If you just can't handle being with someone who isn't as resourceful as you, or who reminds you of struggles you've already overcome, that's also your right, but just think it through. It's possible that the two of you just might not be able to get well together, but it's also possible that she just doesn't have what it takes and you could help be the difference maker. It's up to you to do what's best for you, but being at the mercy of some of these drugs is a lot harder for some than others. They were engineered to never let you go and deliberately pumped into all of our communities.
     
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  13. Sex Chicken

    Sex Chicken Nate Diaz is a Juggalo

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    Sorry to hear, that’s a shitty situation.

    I would suggest making sure you put your anger aside. A lot of that anger could be you feeling hurt and disrespected, thinking she has “chosen” drugs over you and your kids. She’s fucking up and she knows she’s fucking up. I bet she hates herself for her perceived weakness. Putting anger and resentment aside it will be easy for you to discuss the issue clearly.
     
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  14. MMAPlaywright

    MMAPlaywright First 100
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    I’m sorry that you are going through this. I have nothing. I do know that it’s difficult in the immediacy of the moment, the anger, the frustration, the headache of it all, to make the best set of decisions. At least, that’s how it is for me.
     
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  15. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled First 10,000

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    Ex anything people also tend to be ragers about what they ex'ed themselves from. Try to think about that OP. Have you ever seen an ex smoker rage against a smoker? Not a pretty sight. You probably have a natural overreaction given your history. She isn't doing this to you (even though it seems that way) she can't help herself. She needs your help to see this through. Channel your anger and rage into positive problem solving. I know it's hard but it's the only way to see a positive outcome. I really wish you all the best in this situation.
     
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  16. Toelocku

    Toelocku Nationalist Populist

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    I'm calming down now and yeah that's good advice
     
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  17. Thuglife13

    Thuglife13 TMMAC Grand Poobah

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    Oh I should also advise having a fap before taking any crazy actions. Truly great advice...
     
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  18. RaginCajun

    RaginCajun I Like Gifs

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    I have been though something similar where an ex hide her prescription usage from me and I felt gutted when I found out. If you ever need to talk in private, send me a message.
    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Never_Rolled

    Never_Rolled First 10,000

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    Today’s a new day. Armed with some new tools and a different perspective, be proactive in getting her some help.

    I’m going through stuff with my parents. Very different but I get annoyed they won’t push through like I would or at least think I would. I have to step back and realize they aren’t me. My dad misses chemo appts when he isn’t feeling well and my mother enables this. Drives me nuts but they aren’t me. Scolding or imposing my will is only going to backfire. He eventually goes so I just let them do it their way. It’s tough to watch OP. I get it I really do.
     
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