General Superman is a gay

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Speaker to Animals

encephalopathetic
May 16, 2021
8,161
7,428
Anyone ever read that short essay by Larry Niven called Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex?

It's about what Clark and Lois's actual physical relationship would be like. He points out that Supe's microscopic sperm would tunnel holes right through her girly bits on the way out the other side of her and sepsis yadda yadda.
 

Hauler

Been fallin so long it's like gravitys gone
Feb 3, 2016
45,412
57,814
Superman was flying around the city and spotted Wonder Woman sunbathing on top of a building, completely nude. He gets the idea that he can use his supersonic speed to fly down there, fuck her super fast and she wouldn't even know it.

So he does. He got in a couple pumps, flew off and she didn't even budge. So he decided to press his luck and go for 10 pumps. Same thing. She didn't budge. Screw it, he thinks, I''m going in for 100 pumps.

So he flies down, fucks the shit out of her and flies off in supersonic speed and Wonder Woman says "What the fuck was that?!?"

The Invisible Man says "No idea, but my asshole is killing me."
 

John Lee Pettimore

Further south than you
May 18, 2021
6,302
6,762
Anyone ever read that short essay by Larry Niven called Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex?

It's about what Clark and Lois's actual physical relationship would be like. He points out that Supe's microscopic sperm would tunnel holes right through her girly bits on the way out the other side of her and sepsis yadda yadda.
Superman should never have had a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, for that matter.

"You will look like them..... but you are NOT one of them...."

??
 

Speaker to Animals

encephalopathetic
May 16, 2021
8,161
7,428
Superman should never have had a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, for that matter.

"You will look like them..... but you are NOT one of them...."

??
Superman is a lousy superhero.

If you can't hurt him, it's uninteresting to me. There's no drama because there's no threat.

There, I said it
 

FINGERS

TMMAC Addict
Nov 14, 2019
16,507
19,574
Superman is a lousy superhero.

If you can't hurt him, it's uninteresting to me. There's no drama because there's no threat.

There, I said it

Yup.

Thats the problem with all DC heroes. They are basically omnipotent, Batman aside. The lack of peril renders it useless.
 

John Lee Pettimore

Further south than you
May 18, 2021
6,302
6,762
Superman is a lousy superhero.

If you can't hurt him, it's uninteresting to me. There's no drama because there's no threat.

There, I said it
Superman might be my favorite superhero. He stands alone. I like that he is essentially totally invincible and can pretty much atomise anyone or anything instantly, but that immediately resorting to overwhelming violence to fix problems is not his way. I like the whole "you will give them an ideal to aspire to" shtick. Superman is way more interesting than Batman to me. Superman I have a lot of empathy for, Batman is just an overgrown emo kid who needs to cheer up. :smile:

??
 

Speaker to Animals

encephalopathetic
May 16, 2021
8,161
7,428
Yup.

Thats the problem with all DC heroes. They are basically omnipotent, Batman aside. The lack of peril renders it useless.
I grew up reading Marvel comics but Batman is awesome. No super powers, just a martial arts killer detective. He's like 007.
Suspiciously, in Skyfall, we hear about 007's childhood as an orphan
 

FINGERS

TMMAC Addict
Nov 14, 2019
16,507
19,574
Superman might be my favorite superhero. He stands alone. I like that he is essentially totally invincible and can pretty much atomise anyone or anything instantly, but that immediately resorting to overwhelming violence to fix problems is not his way. I like the whole "you will give them an ideal to aspire to" shtick. Superman is way more interesting than Batman to me. Superman I have a lot of empathy for, Batman is just an overgrown emo kid who needs to cheer up. :smile:

??

Lol. I am literally the polar opposite to you.

Cannot stand Superman and his preachy Godness.

Batman is probably my favourite comic strip character.
 

Speaker to Animals

encephalopathetic
May 16, 2021
8,161
7,428
Superman might be my favorite superhero. He stands alone. I like that he is essentially totally invincible and can pretty much atomise anyone or anything instantly, but that immediately resorting to overwhelming violence to fix problems is not his way. I like the whole "you will give them an ideal to aspire to" shtick. Superman is way more interesting than Batman to me. Superman I have a lot of empathy for, Batman is just an overgrown emo kid who needs to cheer up. :smile:

??
Know what, Supe isn't totally invincible, forgot about stupid gay Kryptonite.

But he sucks
 

John Lee Pettimore

Further south than you
May 18, 2021
6,302
6,762
Lol. I am literally the polar opposite to you.

Cannot stand Superman and his preachy Godness.

Batman is probably my favourite comic strip character.
It's out of character, for sure. I pretty much always cheer for the bad guy. Even as a little kid, the Emperor was by far my favourite character in Star Wars. I used to switch ROTJ off when Vader picked him up to chuck him down the reactor shaft, and I just pretended that never happened and the Emporer crushed the rebellion, killed all the stupid Ewoks and goody-two-shoes rebels, and ruled the galaxy happily ever after. :smile:

??
 
Last edited:

kaladin stormblessed

Nala fanboy
Apr 24, 2017
17,627
20,132
It's out of character, for sure. I pretty much always cheer for the bad guy. Even as a little kid, the Emperor was my favourite character in Star Wars. I used to switch ROTJ off when Vader picked him up to chuck him down the reactor shaft, and I just pretended that never happened and the Emporer defeated the rebellion and ruled the galaxy happily ever after. :smile:

??
 

John Lee Pettimore

Further south than you
May 18, 2021
6,302
6,762
Lol. I am literally the polar opposite to you.

Cannot stand Superman and his preachy Godness.

Batman is probably my favourite comic strip character.
Are you an immigrant, or do you come from an immigrant family? Wonder if that plays into it at all.

I'm first gen Aussie, but my cultural homeland is on the other side of the planet. I look like an Anglo Aussie, but I'm not. I've never been to the Netherlands, only heard older relatives talk about it. Now it's repeated in New Zealand. I have always had one foot in either camp, but not fully invested in either.

I'm an Aussie born and bred, but a lot of white-Australian cultural touchstones and traditions mean nothing to me, as I never participated. Culturally I am very familiar with Dutch language, food, social graces etc, but I've never been there. Superman is neither fully human, nor properly Kryptonian. I wonder if that instinctively speaks to some part of the immigrant psyche in a way that it doesn't speak to someone who is third or fourth or fifth gen. ?

??
 

FINGERS

TMMAC Addict
Nov 14, 2019
16,507
19,574
Are you an immigrant, or do you come from an immigrant family? Wonder if that plays into it at all.

I'm first gen Aussie, but my cultural homeland is on the other side of the planet. I look like an Anglo Aussie, but I'm not. I've never been to the Netherlands, only heard older relatives talk about it. Now it's repeated in New Zealand. I have always had one foot in either camp, but not fully invested in either.

I'm an Aussie born and bred, but a lot of white-Australian cultural touchstones and traditions mean nothing to me, as I never participated. Culturally I am very familiar with Dutch language, food, social graces etc, but I've never been there. Superman is neither fully human, nor properly Kryptonian. I wonder if that instinctively speaks to some part of the immigrant psyche in a way that it doesn't speak to someone who is third or fourth or fifth gen. ?

??

Yeah I'm 4th of 5th gen. My great, great grandfather came from Lithuania I'm told. Mothers side goes back to being raped by the vikings.

Apparently family folklore tells me I'm actually a prince of said land. But I can't be bothered to go over there and claim my birthright.
 

John Lee Pettimore

Further south than you
May 18, 2021
6,302
6,762
Look: It's Spider-Man, not one word.

I actually have respect for Batman, he's vulnerable. Psychologically brittle.
The Dark Knight Returns really helped me get into his story.
Batman is a sook, and an asshole.

First, yeah that sucks to see your parents murdered in front of you. But 30 years later, you STILL can't crack a smile about anything?

You have a net worth that is eleven figures, you're community minded, your whole thing is reducing crime in Gotham, you're willing to spend tens of billions, and....... you've decided the best way to spend the money is to dress up in a costume, use one of a kind military tech that your company has developed just for you in secret, and go out on the streets at night by yourself to punch random street hoodlums in the face?

Uhhhhhh....... how about putting money into Gotham's schools, or building community centres, or developing the infrastructure, or investing in urban renewal projects?

??
 

Speaker to Animals

encephalopathetic
May 16, 2021
8,161
7,428
Batman is a sook, and an asshole.

First, yeah that sucks to see your parents murdered in front of you. But 30 years later, you STILL can't crack a smile about anything?

You have a net worth that is eleven figures, you're community minded, your whole thing is reducing crime in Gotham, you're willing to spend tens of billions, and....... you've decided the best way to spend the money is to dress up in a costume, use one of a kind military tech that your company has developed just for you in secret, and go out on the streets at night by yourself to punch random street hoodlums in the face?

Uhhhhhh....... how about putting money into Gotham's schools, or building community centres, or developing the infrastructure, or investing in urban renewal projects?

??
If you're gonna pull threads on super hero back stories, every tapestry unravels.

Even mine. I'm a backwards Batman born with fifty parents who keep getting in the way of my crime fighting dreams to tell me I need to go to community College and pursue a real career.