Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...
I know I'm going to lay on the bar and shove this salami where the sun don't shine and then I'm going to sleep with every man in here except you because you didn't offer me a drink.......how do you like them apples?