FRAT
I've been considering making this thread for at least a week or two now, but havent because I've been hoping that with enough time my dilemma would work itself out. Its becoming clear, however, that I'm probably going to have to take a more proactive approach if I want the outcome I desire. I usually know how to handle most situations when it comes to women and relationships, but this is somewhat of a unique situation for me and I'm not sure where to go from here. Thus, I'm turning to TMMAC for advice. This might seem more like a thread for the OG, but I'm looking for more than the typical "pump her and dump her" or "you're bein a cuckhold" responses (which maybe I am, but I'm not gonna let a bunch of bitter divorcees tell me that. Set me straight TMMAC).
ANYWAY, lets get this ball rollin.
I met someone I've become incredibly close friends with in the last three months, and its scary how much this girl and I are alike. We'll share exact thoughts that we'll say at the same time, we have probably 90% of the same interests, fuck, i think we even have the same nervous ticks and anxieties (for example, i tend to laugh out loud or yell random bullshit if I'm nervous or somethings on my mind, she does too. I don't know if that's "normal" but I've never run into anyone else who does that-or at least admits to doing that). We had very similar upbringings and its difficult for either of us to connect with other people, so the fact that we're so comfortable with each other makes the connection that much perplexing and valuable. We spend a fuck ton of our free time with each other, I think I've seen her close to every day for at least a few hours each time since we started hanging out, and the few times I've been out of town, all the messages are about missing the other and not being able to wait to hang out again. The reason why I'm outlining how much I click with this girl, is to convey how important this connection might be to me, and why I'm unwilling to say "fuck it" and kick her to curb, as i probably would do if this were anyone else. The only person who has been so similar to me like this is my younger brother, and I feel that's mostly because we spent so much time with each other growing up and picking up each other's habits and tendencies; this is someone I hadn't known my entire life, yet connect with more deeply than anyone else that's been in and out of my life. Past that, I've felt a lot like a loner in the world, and had already resigned to the fact I may not ever settle down with someone because I never thought I'd meet someone I was really compatible with. I'm fairly certain she feels the same way
So whats the problem? She has a boyfriend, and neither of us have said these things to each other as a result-not outright anyway.
Two things that need to be known before we continue: I came into the picture very shortly after things started with the new boyfriend. I'd like to think that if she had met me a week or two earlier, this probably wouldn't be an issue. The second thing is, I've been doin my absolute best not to pursue a physical relationship with her in the event that we if do get together later on down the line, as anything she does to this guy, she could absolutely do to me. The obvious answer then, would probably be to share my feelings and see what happens. If the connection is how I described, and it turns out to be mutual, then one would think that shed drop the bf for me no problem.
I'm very hesitant to do that, and there are multiple reasons why. One- I've been the "other guy" before, and those relationships NEVER work out. One of a few things usually happens; one (or both) parties continue on their cheating ways and the relationships is fucked, OR, one cant fully trust the other due to the fear that one will find another "other" and the relationships fucked, OR, the relationship was based on secrets and wrong desires, and once those go away, the relationship is fucked. I'm most terrified of number 2, and want to see the relationship end in a natural way. The catch 22 here is, I don't know if or when the relationship will end if I don't say anything.
The second reason is whats really stopping me from saying anything.
Two-I have no idea how she feels about this other guy, and I'm afraid she might actually be into him ENOUGH to turn me down and ruin what we have now if I say anything. I have NO idea though, because I never would have known this guy existed if it weren't for the fact that maybe every 2-3 weeks, she'll post up a picture or status about the two of them, and even then it feels like she does that to keep up appearances. Never mentions what he's doing, when she's gonna see him again, how they're doing as a couple, literally not a fucking thing. The only time she confirmed she had a boyfriend was on accident, when she was recounting a story of some random guy hitting on her and asking her if she had a boyfriend, to which she said yes. But the way she told the story...it seemed like she realized where the story was going and gave a slight "oh fuck" look, but was too late to stop it and had no choice but to say she did. And I guess my point is, I would do the same exact things if I had a friend I was interested in, but couldn't do anything with because I was already in a relationship as well. Just because she's not bringing him up, doesn't mean she doesnt she not into him and shes just being nice. There's also the possibility that she does share the same feelings, but it doesn't have the heart to hurt this dude by breaking up with him to be with me.
So I guess my question is...should I risk it? And if not, why, based on the stuff I presented?Because I've been running around in my head for a while now and I need some outside perspective at this point. I'm really at a loss to do.
FRAT VERSION: Developed a connection with a girl I've never experienced before, and I think its mutual. I want to share my feelings, but she has a boyfriend and I'm afraid she'll reject me on that even though most signs indicate shed prefer to be with me. I'm uncertain of that though because neither of us have talked about it. Smart answer might be to cut my losses, but Im unwilling to cut her out just yet because again, Ive never had this with someone before.
Sorry if this seems scatterbrained at certain points, and thanks for reading. Fuck I hate that I feel the need to do this
I've been considering making this thread for at least a week or two now, but havent because I've been hoping that with enough time my dilemma would work itself out. Its becoming clear, however, that I'm probably going to have to take a more proactive approach if I want the outcome I desire. I usually know how to handle most situations when it comes to women and relationships, but this is somewhat of a unique situation for me and I'm not sure where to go from here. Thus, I'm turning to TMMAC for advice. This might seem more like a thread for the OG, but I'm looking for more than the typical "pump her and dump her" or "you're bein a cuckhold" responses (which maybe I am, but I'm not gonna let a bunch of bitter divorcees tell me that. Set me straight TMMAC).
ANYWAY, lets get this ball rollin.
I met someone I've become incredibly close friends with in the last three months, and its scary how much this girl and I are alike. We'll share exact thoughts that we'll say at the same time, we have probably 90% of the same interests, fuck, i think we even have the same nervous ticks and anxieties (for example, i tend to laugh out loud or yell random bullshit if I'm nervous or somethings on my mind, she does too. I don't know if that's "normal" but I've never run into anyone else who does that-or at least admits to doing that). We had very similar upbringings and its difficult for either of us to connect with other people, so the fact that we're so comfortable with each other makes the connection that much perplexing and valuable. We spend a fuck ton of our free time with each other, I think I've seen her close to every day for at least a few hours each time since we started hanging out, and the few times I've been out of town, all the messages are about missing the other and not being able to wait to hang out again. The reason why I'm outlining how much I click with this girl, is to convey how important this connection might be to me, and why I'm unwilling to say "fuck it" and kick her to curb, as i probably would do if this were anyone else. The only person who has been so similar to me like this is my younger brother, and I feel that's mostly because we spent so much time with each other growing up and picking up each other's habits and tendencies; this is someone I hadn't known my entire life, yet connect with more deeply than anyone else that's been in and out of my life. Past that, I've felt a lot like a loner in the world, and had already resigned to the fact I may not ever settle down with someone because I never thought I'd meet someone I was really compatible with. I'm fairly certain she feels the same way
So whats the problem? She has a boyfriend, and neither of us have said these things to each other as a result-not outright anyway.
Two things that need to be known before we continue: I came into the picture very shortly after things started with the new boyfriend. I'd like to think that if she had met me a week or two earlier, this probably wouldn't be an issue. The second thing is, I've been doin my absolute best not to pursue a physical relationship with her in the event that we if do get together later on down the line, as anything she does to this guy, she could absolutely do to me. The obvious answer then, would probably be to share my feelings and see what happens. If the connection is how I described, and it turns out to be mutual, then one would think that shed drop the bf for me no problem.
I'm very hesitant to do that, and there are multiple reasons why. One- I've been the "other guy" before, and those relationships NEVER work out. One of a few things usually happens; one (or both) parties continue on their cheating ways and the relationships is fucked, OR, one cant fully trust the other due to the fear that one will find another "other" and the relationships fucked, OR, the relationship was based on secrets and wrong desires, and once those go away, the relationship is fucked. I'm most terrified of number 2, and want to see the relationship end in a natural way. The catch 22 here is, I don't know if or when the relationship will end if I don't say anything.
The second reason is whats really stopping me from saying anything.
Two-I have no idea how she feels about this other guy, and I'm afraid she might actually be into him ENOUGH to turn me down and ruin what we have now if I say anything. I have NO idea though, because I never would have known this guy existed if it weren't for the fact that maybe every 2-3 weeks, she'll post up a picture or status about the two of them, and even then it feels like she does that to keep up appearances. Never mentions what he's doing, when she's gonna see him again, how they're doing as a couple, literally not a fucking thing. The only time she confirmed she had a boyfriend was on accident, when she was recounting a story of some random guy hitting on her and asking her if she had a boyfriend, to which she said yes. But the way she told the story...it seemed like she realized where the story was going and gave a slight "oh fuck" look, but was too late to stop it and had no choice but to say she did. And I guess my point is, I would do the same exact things if I had a friend I was interested in, but couldn't do anything with because I was already in a relationship as well. Just because she's not bringing him up, doesn't mean she doesnt she not into him and shes just being nice. There's also the possibility that she does share the same feelings, but it doesn't have the heart to hurt this dude by breaking up with him to be with me.
So I guess my question is...should I risk it? And if not, why, based on the stuff I presented?Because I've been running around in my head for a while now and I need some outside perspective at this point. I'm really at a loss to do.
FRAT VERSION: Developed a connection with a girl I've never experienced before, and I think its mutual. I want to share my feelings, but she has a boyfriend and I'm afraid she'll reject me on that even though most signs indicate shed prefer to be with me. I'm uncertain of that though because neither of us have talked about it. Smart answer might be to cut my losses, but Im unwilling to cut her out just yet because again, Ive never had this with someone before.
Sorry if this seems scatterbrained at certain points, and thanks for reading. Fuck I hate that I feel the need to do this
