Need some advice (yes, over a girl -_-)

[TheDorkKnight]

solid points. and where is this boyfriend if they're hanging out everyday for several hours

Reading your post it sounds as if you had a dysfunctional or 'not normal' background or childhood. If that is the case I would caution against that immediate feeling of comfort and "I feel as if I've known him/her forever." You probably recognize her personality type as familiar because she acts like someone in your dysfunctional past. If that's not the case, fuck it.

The other issue of her having a boyfriend that she slipped up and told you about and the fact that they do things and document it by sharing pics with everyone, things and places she never tells you about. How close can you be and how much are you guys really sharing when there is a big part of her current life that she's not sharing with you? You can try to excuse it because you're infatuated or falling in love with her but the fact remains she's being secretive. That's concerning.

You're assigning charitable motives to her shady behavior because you care for her. Cheating is more than just the physical act of sex, she's cheating her boyfriend and cheating you already by not being open about her life. Does he know about you? Does she talk about you via the same platform that she posts pics of quality time with her and her man? Have you met her friends and family that she's close to? These are all things that should happen organically if you're both being open and honest during all those days and hours spent together.

That being said, I'd bang her out if I was you.

Military brat meant lots of moving around, overprotective parents meant where I went and who I saw was limited. Few connections I made were with the wrong people, person I see inside of her is myself and that's probably why I'm struggling w this, because I didnt really think there was anyone like me out there. She has the same kind of upbringing, never met someone with as crazy parents as mine.

Youre right. I've thought about all of this, but I need to hear all this shit from outside sources. I'm think I'm doin an alright job of avoiding the "falling in love" pitfall

As much as I hate to say it, I kind of agree with you, I doubt he knows about me. As far as her posting about the two of them, itll be when shes with him. If they're hanging out itll be a single snap(chat) on her story or a single picture of fb/instagram. Nothing for weeks until the next one. I havent done any "boyfriend" stuff w her, no meeting of friends, no parents, etc. At the same time tho, I havent done the same with her, I dont think any of my friends knows she exists and I think my little brother might be the only person out of my family who knows about it

 

[Left Hook Larry]

This is the type of threads TMMAC needs in the off topic area.

 

[Wild]

Again. Tell her you've got a date with someone. Then a couple of days later, tell her how much fun you had. You'll find out what's up with this chic real quick.

 

[ECC170]

The only thing that would make me weary is grin my experience s you might develop a complex because if she dies this got him she could do it you...go with your heart bro...no pain no gain

 

[TheDorkKnight]

If you say so. 2 female friends and 4 male friends, one of which is not her bf but she spends every day with.

I'm just answering your question man. It doesn't dismiss your argument, I'm just trying to say she didnt trip all the crazy bitch alarms.

 

[Chief]

If she cheats on her bf and doesn't give a fuck, she'll do the same to me. If she turns out to actually be worth anything I don't want to start out like that. Won't be able to trust her

Not true. My useless father cheated on my crackhead mother with a nice girl. They have been happily married for almost 40 years.

My advice is, it's not worth it. She is not oblivious to your feelings. By stringing you along like this, she is revealing her character. It may work out in the long run, but every relationship has growing pangs that can be overcome if both participants are willing to face their problems openly and head-on. You already know she has a problem doing that.

 

[TheDorkKnight]

This. You are actually dating her without the fucking.

Maybe. We dont go on official dates and I dont buy anything of hers tho

 

[Zeph]

Preheat your oven to 220°C/425°F/gas 7.

Place your meat on a clean work surface, skin-side up. Get yourself a small sharp knife and make scores about a centimetre apart through the skin into the fat, but not so deep that you cut into the meat. If the joint is tied, try not to cut through the string. Rub salt right into all the scores you’ve just made, pulling the skin apart a little if you need to.

Brush any excess salt off the surface then turn it over. Season the underside of the meat with a few pinches of salt and pepper. Place your meat, skin-side up, in a roasting tray and pop in the preheated oven. Roast for 30 minutes, until the skin of the meat has started to puff up and you can see it turning into crackling. At this point, turn the heat down to 170°C/325°F/gas 3, cover the meat snugly with a double layer of tinfoil, pop back in the oven and roast for a further 4 and a half hours.

Take out of the oven, take the foil off, and baste the meat with the fat in the bottom of the tray. Carefully lift the meat up and transfer to a chopping board. Spoon all but a couple of tablespoons of fat out (save it for roast potatoes!).

Add all the veg, garlic and bay leaves to the tray and stir them into the fat. Place the meat back on top of everything and return to the stove without the foil to roast for another hour. By this time the meat should be meltingly soft and tender.

Carefully move the meat to a serving dish, cover again with tinfoil and leave to rest while you make your gravy. Spoon away any fat in the tray, then add the water or stock and place the tray on the hob. Bring to the boil and simmer for a few minutes, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon to scrape up all those lovely sticky tasty bits on the bottom of the tray. When you’ve got a nice, dark gravy, pour it through a sieve into a bowl or gravy boat, using your spoon to really push all the goodness of the veg through the sieve. Add a little more salt and pepper if it needs it.

Serve the meat and crackling with your jug of gravy and some lovely roast potatoes (As a treat, you can try roasting them in the fat you spooned out of your roasting tray. Some stewed red cabbage and a dollop of apple sauce will finish this off perfectly.)

 

[OhWhopDaChamp]

Few connections I made were with the wrong people, person I see inside of her is myself and that's probably why I'm struggling w this, because I didnt really think there was anyone like me out there.

I havent done any "boyfriend" stuff w her, no meeting of friends, no parents, etc. At the same time tho, I havent done the same with her, I dont think any of my friends knows she exists and I think my little brother might be the only person out of my family who knows about it

It is fascinating and heady when you find someone of a similar personality but it's like jerking off in a mirror no?
Do you normally not share this type of information with your friends and family?

 

[TheDorkKnight]

Personally, I would hold back and maintain the friendship for now. Statistics show relationships are more likely to fail, than be successful, so I would play the odds...then be there to swoop her up when her & this other guy end things. Also, if you're as close as you say, then I'm sure she recognizes this as well. Hell, she's probably having the same discussions about you, with her friends.

I just don't see what you approaching her will accomplish? Because if she shares the same feelings as you, she will eventually let you know...boyfriend or not. Believe that.

But if you want to expedite the process...start going out with someone and let her know about it. Women are competitive when it comes to men, so you'll find out where she stands with a quickness.

This route makes a lot of sense.

I don't know what it would accomplish to be honest. I think I'm afraid if I say nothing, then Ill get nothing. As others have stated, I think I need to figure out what the deal is with the boyfriend before I proceed with anything

 

[OhWhopDaChamp]

Preheat your oven to 220°C/425°F/gas 7.

Place your meat on a clean work surface, skin-side up. Get yourself a small sharp knife and make scores about a centimetre apart through the skin into the fat, but not so deep that you cut into the meat. If the joint is tied, try not to cut through the string. Rub salt right into all the scores you’ve just made, pulling the skin apart a little if you need to.

Brush any excess salt off the surface then turn it over. Season the underside of the meat with a few pinches of salt and pepper. Place your meat, skin-side up, in a roasting tray and pop in the preheated oven. Roast for 30 minutes, until the skin of the meat has started to puff up and you can see it turning into crackling. At this point, turn the heat down to 170°C/325°F/gas 3, cover the meat snugly with a double layer of tinfoil, pop back in the oven and roast for a further 4 and a half hours.

Take out of the oven, take the foil off, and baste the meat with the fat in the bottom of the tray. Carefully lift the meat up and transfer to a chopping board. Spoon all but a couple of tablespoons of fat out (save it for roast potatoes!).

Add all the veg, garlic and bay leaves to the tray and stir them into the fat. Place the meat back on top of everything and return to the stove without the foil to roast for another hour. By this time the meat should be meltingly soft and tender.

Carefully move the meat to a serving dish, cover again with tinfoil and leave to rest while you make your gravy. Spoon away any fat in the tray, then add the water or stock and place the tray on the hob. Bring to the boil and simmer for a few minutes, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon to scrape up all those lovely sticky tasty bits on the bottom of the tray. When you’ve got a nice, dark gravy, pour it through a sieve into a bowl or gravy boat, using your spoon to really push all the goodness of the veg through the sieve. Add a little more salt and pepper if it needs it.

Serve the meat and crackling with your jug of gravy and some lovely roast potatoes (As a treat, you can try roasting them in the fat you spooned out of your roasting tray. Some stewed red cabbage and a dollop of apple sauce will finish this off perfectly.)

 

[Leigh]

I'm just answering your question man. It doesn't dismiss your argument, I'm just trying to say she didnt trip all the crazy bitch alarms.

Yes she does, including the one I predicted (not many female friends, lots of guy friends).

Look mate, believe what you want. If I had twice as many female friends as male friends and spent everyday with a girl, my wife would justifiably be pissed off. This girl is scandalous.

There are plenty of nice birds out there, go find one without a boyfriend.

 

[TheDorkKnight]

It is fascinating and heady when you find someone of a similar personality but it's like jerking off in a mirror no?
Do you normally not share this type of information with your friends and family?

You would think, but Ive dated the opposite end of the spectrum and I was absolutely miserable, maybe I'm just a crazy narcissist or something. As for my family, my younger brother is the only person I could talk to about this, Ive never had an open relationship with my parents or, to an extent, my older brother. Younger brother is in ranger school until december so I cant get in touch with him about this

 

[Wild]

Not everyone can be as well versed and accomplished as all of us when it comes to relationships

Good luck OP. I'm sure this will work itself out for the best, one way or the other. And if it doesn't, you're 25 and have plenty of time ahead of you. Do what you think is best and what will leave you feeling no regrets.

 

[La Paix]

Yes she does, including the one I predicted (not many female friends, lots of guy friends).

Look mate, believe what you want. If I had twice as many female friends as male friends and spent everyday with a girl, my wife would justifiably be pissed off. This girl is scandalous.

There are plenty of nice birds out there, go find one without a boyfriend.

This is true. That or @Priziesthorse is the only one you want to be dealing with. You probably know the "right" thing to do but are hoping to get support to just go and fuck her.

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

 

[Psychotropic Wanderlust]

Personally, I would hold back and maintain the friendship for now. Statistics show relationships are more likely to fail, than be successful, so I would play the odds...then be there to swoop her up when her & this other guy end things. Also, if you're as close as you say, then I'm sure she recognizes this as well. Hell, she's probably having the same discussions about you, with her friends.

I just don't see what you approaching her will accomplish? Because if she shares the same feelings as you, she will eventually let you know...boyfriend or not. Believe that.

But if you want to expedite the process...start going out with someone and let her know about it. Women are competitive when it comes to men, so you'll find out where she stands with a quickness.

so you are cool with the girl of your dreams getting dug out by randoms until she miraculously comes to you and asks to fuck?

fuck that noise. go for it man. and go for it hard!

 

[Psychotropic Wanderlust]

I agree with you on the first part, and she's probably able to get away w it because I think that they may be in a long distance relationship.

I like where your heads at on the second point. In a perfect world it would work exactly like that

you can make your perfect world. the only way you know if you can attain it is if you try to get it! your perfect world isnt going to just fall in your lap, you have to go out and get it brotha!

 

[TheDorkKnight]

Not true. My useless father cheated on my crackhead mother with a nice girl. They have been happily married for almost 40 years.

My advice is, it's not worth it. She is not oblivious to your feelings. By stringing you along like this, she is revealing her character. It may work out in the long run, but every relationship has growing pangs that can be overcome if both participants are willing to face their problems openly and head-on. You already know she has a problem doing that.

I try to look at it from her perspective: shes supposed to break up with her boyfriend for someone who hasnt *really* vocally expressed any feelings for her one way or the other, on the chance that the second person (me) *might* have feelings for her? and I guess I'm holding out that she hasnt brought it up either because she has the same worries I do, hence why I'm debating on if I should tell her or not.

Have any of you never settled while wanting to be with someone else? I have. So I guess I'm willing to be somewhat understanding shes still with him if shes unsure how I feel.

But again, I dont think thats the move to make now

 

[Psychotropic Wanderlust]

let me tell you my story. Veronica was dating my weed dealer. we would chat when everyone was around etc but nothing really developed. she was an amazing chick, we liked most of the same things, act the same etc. simply awesome. my sister is handicapped...and one day as I was taking her to special olympics, I seen veronica there. so I went up and chatted with her, turns out her sister is 'tarded too. we talked for hours as our sisters did their thing. I was completely infatuated with her. to the point that I would go pick up some weed from her when he wasnt home just so I could talk to her. then, one day as I was jumping into bed I get a phone call... its veronica, at the pub, with a bunch of mutual friends. she asks me to come out for a drink, its like midnight...but really, how many girls are calling me at midnight to come for a drink? so I go. the whole night she is eyeing me up etc. at the end of the night I drive her and another friend home. I dropped friend off, then dropped off veronica. I watched her walk across the courtyard and to her building door, then I thought to myself "I cant let this end like this. I have to do something. I think this could be THE girl." so before i knew what I was doing I jumped out of the car and jogged over to her saying "hey you forgot this" I got over to her and kissed her. didnt eve break stride. walked right up like the terminator and kissed her GOOD. then I said bye and left....

we have been together for 9 years and married for 3.

 

[TheDorkKnight]

Yes she does, including the one I predicted (not many female friends, lots of guy friends).

Look mate, believe what you want. If I had twice as many female friends as male friends and spent everyday with a girl, my wife would justifiably be pissed off. This girl is scandalous.

There are plenty of nice birds out there, go find one without a boyfriend.

I appreciate the feedback, I really do. If I were in her boyfriends position theres no way any of this would be happening. If i were actually dating her and she spent as much time with another dude as she does me, itd be over in a heartbeat.

 

[check it]

yep. that's man stuff. do that.

eta: i mean do what rjjh did.

 

[Psychotropic Wanderlust]

It is fascinating and heady when you find someone of a similar personality but it's like jerking off in a mirror no?
Do you normally not share this type of information with your friends and family?

sometimes the anonymity of strangers is better than the interaction of a loved one with judgements.

 

[Wild]

so you are cool with the girl of your dreams getting dug out by randoms until she miraculously comes to you and asks to fuck?

fuck that noise. go for it man. and go for it hard!

Well if this were my wife, I would obviously have a problem with it. But this girl isn't committed to the OP in any way. By all accounts, she may actually be committed to someone else. So no, I wouldn't be looking at this girl as some kind of possession of mine...and it certainly wouldn't be something that I would be getting worked up about.

I was just always sorta "meh" when it came to chics when I dated. If they were down, great. If they weren't, someone else would be or I would spend more time with friends or in the gym lol.

 

[ThatOneDude]

You're 25 and she's 22......do what ever you want, in the long run it most likely won't matter.

 

[TheDorkKnight]

This is true. That or @Priziesthorse is the only one you want to be dealing with. You probably know the "right" thing to do but are hoping to get support to just go and fuck her.

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

I dont want permission to fuck her, I want permission to steal her from her boyfriend and given immunity from having same thing happening to me. Karma tho

joking aside, this isnt just a physical thing for me. I wouldnt call it emotinal either, but its something