Human GP Semi Final 1: Fedor Emelianenko vs Sterling Archer

[Leigh]

Semi Final 1:

Fedor Emelianenko - @sparkuri vs Sterling Archer - @Sleazy_Martinez

Arena: The Shield Helicarrier

Combatants are unarmed but may arm themselves from their surroundings.

Win is by KO/death. Fleeing the battle is a DQ.

Voting ends Wednesday

 

[sparkuri]

I believe once Sterling sees Fedor he jumps off the helicarrier.

 

[Greek777]

Although I am not entirely aware of what I am voting on, Fedor > all

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

Archer opens up a nasty cut on Fedor's head using Captain America's shield (which was just lying around, possibly a spare) forcing a SHIELD official to end the bout and declare victory for Archer. Something something déjà vu.

 

[Ministry of Silly Walks]

"I know what I'm doing. I've read 10 of the Babysitter's Club books... I'm totally a Christie with maybe like a dash of Claudia." -Archer

"Wow, what a pussy. He was spilling the beans so fast, i could barely keep up" -Archer

Cherlene: "Goddamn it! Who the hell drilled my box?!"
Archer: "So we're just done with phrasing right? That's not a thing anymore?"

Slater: "Why do you keep your first-aid kit in the bar?"
Archer: "Because that's where over eighty percent of all home accidents happen."

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

Archer eats Russians for breakfast.


View: http://youtu.be/4jsZxekYvRw

 

[ThatOneDude]

Pffft Sterling Mallory Archer beats Russians on a daily basis before he even takes his morning shit.

 

[Stickgrappler]

Didn't vote yet, awaiting sparkuri's full presentation. But leaning towards one fighter already unless the other fighter has a very convincing argument otherwise.

 

[RedDragonUK]

Who is Archer but a poor cartoon version of James Bond, Fedor smashes and then draws pictures of woodland creatures and eats ice cream in a striped sweater.

 

[ThatOneDude]

Who is Archer but a poor cartoon version of James Bond, Fedor smashes and then draws pictures of woodland creatures and eats ice cream in a striped sweater.

A) Archer isn't a poor cartoon version of James Bond. He's everything James Bond wishes he could have been but was too much of a pussy to be.
B) Fedor is Russian. Sterling Mallory Archer regularly destroys the head of the KGB who is a fucking cyborg..... But ya Fedors got a "punchers" chance.

 

[Stickgrappler]

it is a 11-11 tie, my vote is up for grabs... @sparkuri / @Sleazy_Martinez - who wants a bj? i'll vote for your guy after.

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

Being able to arm yourself from your surroundings is a HUGE advantage for Archer, given that he's way more tech savvy than Fedor and he's STERLING GODDAMN ARCHER.

 

[Stickgrappler]

ah now it's 12-11, when's deadline? I still didn't vote, my vote still up for grabs

which one of you do i give a bj to so i can vote your guy?

EDIT: i inadvertently voted - LOL at me

 

[maurice]

Bond or Archer would kill Fedor.

Weapons: how do they work?

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

ah now it's 12-11 Archer, when's deadline? I still didn't vote, my vote still up for grabs

which one of you do i give a bj to so i can vote your guy?

DIBS!

Deadline is Wednesday.

 

[Stickgrappler]

DIBS!

Deadline is Wednesday.

OK, meet you in stall #3 at 1pm, the handicapped one, more space, will give you the best bj you ever got. voted for Archer

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

OK, meet you in stall #3 at 1pm, the handicapped one, more space, will give you the best bj you ever got. voted for Archer

 

[sparkuri]

ah now it's 12-11, when's deadline? I still didn't vote, my vote still up for grabs

which one of you do i give a bj to so i can vote your guy?

EDIT: i inadvertently voted - LOL at me

I vill give you vun more chonce to chanche you mind......

 

[Stickgrappler]

sorry bro, we are men of action, lies don't become us.

Sleazy replied first. I gave him his bj as well as my vote.

 

[sparkuri]

Who the FUCK us Sterling Archer?

Is Fedor fighting a fucking cartoon?


This is worse than Chucky being competetive with Hulkbuster armor.

I cant wait until we have an Insect Grand Prix, and I pick an M1 ABRAMS

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

 

[ThatOneDude]

Who the FUCK us Sterling Archer?

Is Fedor fighting a fucking cartoon?


This is worse than Chucky being competetive with Hulkbuster armor.

I cant wait until we have an Insect Grand Prix, and I pick an M1 ABRAMS

Go watch archer... You'd probably come back and pull Fedor.

 

[ThatOneDude]

Plus as much as we love Fedor he's skilled at fighting, not killing. There is a very large difference.

 

[sparkuri]

Go watch archer... You'd probably come back and pull Fedor.

I get that, BUT HE'S A CARTOON!

HE'S NOT EVEN A REAL FAKE HUMAN

 

[Sleazy_Martinez]

Plus as much as we love Fedor he's skilled at fighting, not killing. There is a very large difference.

This. Plus a SHIELD helicarrier is practically a home field advantage for Archer. Imagine if he finished off Fedor using Hawkeye's bow 'n' arrow, too poetic.