General I Fired A Guy This Morning

[Le Chat Noir]

He almost cried and I told him it wasn’t personal.
He said he did his best and I wanted to say that’s the problem, stupid…but I was nice and said I know.
He was one of the slowest, laziest, and dumbest people I’ve ever come across.
He reached out to shake my hand, but I couldn’t stand up because of my massive erection….this was one of my favorite firings ever.

Please to share your favorite times firing someone here….or even having them fired.

Le Chat Noir

 

[Wild]

He almost cried and I told him it wasn’t personal.
He said he did his best and I wanted to say that’s the problem, stupid…but I was nice and said I know.
He was one of the slowest, laziest, and dumbest people I’ve ever come across.
He reached out to shake my hand, but I couldn’t stand up because of my massive erection….this was one of my favorite firings ever.

Please to share your favorite times firing someone here….or even having them fired.

Le Chat Noir

Have you filed unemployment yet @Papi Chingon?

 

[CuddleBug]

I have only had to fire someone once. I thought it would be a lot harder to do, but it was for poor performance, incompetence, lack of intelligence, etc. So not only did he deserve it, I was at the point that I detested him because of his laziness and stupidity. I still occasionally think about how glad I am not to have that useless piece of garbage around. His son was fired a month or so before that in a completely different department so I guess I actually detest the whole bloodline and their existence.

 

[CuddleBug]

Something I've noticed about people that are poor performers and are oblivious to it. I'll see that they are getting close to being let go and almost every time right before it happens they will come in and tell people about some very expensive, poorly thought out purchase they just made. It's almost like a sign that the universe is about to kick them in the nuts for being an idiot.

 

[IschKabibble]

It's not fun. The first time I was given the order I spent all day thinking how to go about it. Tried to be all polite and professional, and the chick started crying and making excuses. Fuck my life. The last one I was borderline hyperventilating and on the verge of screaming cause this stupid bitch was sabotaging our marketing effort during a very pressing time.

I don't ever want to manage people again.

 

[Uncle Tom Doug]

I've only had to fire someone, once, too. He had been in the position for almost 2 years, when one day he decided some of the duties he'd been performing for years were beneath him. This was a lower level IT gig that required some hands on work with physical gear. His fat, lazy, entitled ass decided he didn't want to get out of his chair anymore. He was warned multiple times, verbal and written. So I fired him. He cried and couldn't believe it was happening.

I almost fired another guy, but he literally handed me his 2 weeks notice when I went in to get him. That guy was an absolute retard. He was one of those people that mouthed his internal monologue. It was bizarre. I didn't want to hire him, but my boss at the time overrode my decision. I never let him live that one down.

 

[kvr28]

As long as you are clear on expectations you never fire someone, people fire themselves, they are the ones who made the decision.

I always ask myself a two prong question.

1st, did they know what they did was wrong. If the answer is no then that is my failure for not setting proper expectations. If yes we move on to the second prong.

2nd, does their explanation for what or why they made that decision make sense, if no, well, they just fired themselves.

 

[MountainMedic]

did they know what they did was wrong. If the answer is no then that is my failure

I dunno, I've walked into some doosies.
On one discharge paperwork I wrote "_____ is either unable or unwilling, I'm still not sure which, to follow even basic norms of behavior"

When I fired him he said "you can't fire me, I've been here longer. I didn't know you could fire me." Like he would have acted differently if he understood that.

Some people are just fucking lazy idiots that extremely overvalue their contributions.

 

[NiteProwleR]

As long as you are clear on expectations you never fire someone, people fire themselves, they are the ones who made the decision.

I always ask myself a two prong question.

1st, did they know what they did was wrong. If the answer is no then that is my failure for not setting proper expectations. If yes we move on to the second prong.

2nd, does their explanation for what or why they made that decision make sense, if no, well, they just fired themselves.

Juan. The fuck is a prong?
2. I just blew my shot as your next dishwasher, didn't I?

 

[kvr28]

I dunno, I've walked into some doosies.
On one discharge paperwork I wrote "_____ is either unable or unwilling, I'm still not sure which, to follow even basic norms of behavior"

When I fired him he said "you can't fire me, I've been here longer. I didn't know you could fire me." Like he would have acted differently if he understood that.

Some people are just fucking lazy idiots that extremely overvalue their contributions.

True but if you tell them if they are lazy and don't pull their weight then we are cutting bait. Obviously different verbiage.

 

[kvr28]

Juan. The fuck is a prong?
2. I just blew my shot as your next dishwasher, didn't I?

Pretty much

 

[RussfromNH]

I’ve helped certain people find a new job after firing them, depending upon the person

I’ve also thrown a few smart ass remarks too as we are walking out like I said depends

some people hang themselves, just come in on time, no more no less
Just show up when you’re supposed to
Wtf having an excuse for being 10 or 15 minutes late every day esp your first year when you’re hourly isn’t too much to ask

 

[MountainMedic]

At my last airbase I convinced 3 different wannabes that there was no shame in walking out.
"Its not that you aren't good enough, you just aren't good enough yet."

 

[NiteProwleR]

What's the next gen of paramedics look like?

 

[Uncle Tom Doug]

What's the next gen of paramedics look like?

If it's anything like the next gen of phlebotomists, DO NOT get hurt, under any circumstances. Sharkeshia, with her giant, caterpillar-like fake eyelashes, fucked up the needle insertion the last time I donated blood. Some ginger honky had to come over and fix it. The dumb negress stuck the needle in at a damn near 90 angle. I wasn't paying attention when she was doing it, or I would have stopped her.

 

[MountainMedic]

What's the next gen of paramedics look like?

Weak and soft, never had to make a decision that matters, wait to be told what to do.

 

[TheAwkwardTitan]

Favorite time: ghetto peak season hire who would make several bathroom trips a day to try and sleep, constantly try to hit on girls, and completely shit talk any management person to other new hires to try and seem cool. Meanwhile he'd try and absolutely kiss ass to management every time he talked to them... in the most pathetic way. Like very clearly this young man did not grow up with a father, father figure, uncle, grandfather, step-dad, etc. In the house. Maybe now that he's older he learned acting like dickhead and then kissing ass cheekily only works for his mom/inner city school teachers. Anyways he was seasonal hire with no chance of rehire. I let him go early because he no called to go to court for an absolutely retarded charge. He tried explaining the charge and protesting as I fired him and it was hilarious.

 

[ArodJohns]

It's not fun. The first time I was given the order I spent all day thinking how to go about it. Tried to be all polite and professional, and the chick started crying and making excuses. Fuck my life. The last one I was borderline hyperventilating and on the verge of screaming cause this stupid bitch was sabotaging our marketing effort during a very pressing time.

I don't ever want to manage people again.

I don’t get it either. I hated that part of the job I had. I did everything I could to get out of/avoid firing people.

 

[Uncle Tom Doug]

Favorite time: ghetto peak season hire who would make several bathroom trips a day to try and sleep, constantly try to hit on girls, and completely shit talk any management person to other new hires to try and seem cool. Meanwhile he'd try and absolutely kiss ass to management every time he talked to them... in the most pathetic way. Like very clearly this young man did not grow up with a father, father figure, uncle, grandfather, step-dad, etc. In the house. Maybe now that he's older he learned acting like dickhead and then kissing ass cheekily only works for his mom/inner city school teachers. Anyways he was seasonal hire with no chance of rehire. I let him go early because he no called to go to court for an absolutely retarded charge. He tried explaining the charge and protesting as I fired him and it was hilarious.

I have encountered that type of person, many times, at various jobs.

 

[NiteProwleR]

Weak and soft, never had to make a decision that matters, wait to be told what to do.

 

[YourDaddyDevilAndLord]

Juan. The fuck is a prong?
2. I just blew my shot as your next dishwasher, didn't I?

It's a band. Their hit song was called Snap Your Fingers Snap your neck. Saw them open for Pantera and Sepultura in 94.

 

[CasketCaseZombie]

I’ve canned two, albeit at least 25 years ago. Same deal both times: people who worked unsupervised on odd shifts who thought it was OK to just leave work whenever. One night I was in town with the ex-wife and saw the guy who was supposed to be working 4-12 out riding around. But he didn’t see me. Next day I checked his time card and he had been on the clock the entire time. I mentioned it kind of casually and he said he went to grab some eats and forgot to punch out, wouldn’t happen again. Couple of weeks later I get called at home by security. They tell me that a customer keeps trying to call but phone keeps failing over to them. Been going on about two hours. I went out and sat in a dark office. I had checked his card and knew he was on the clock. He shows up and punches out, then about 20 minutes later punches back in, 20 minutes being minimum time you could punch out for a break. As soon as he was back in IT I grabbed the time card and followed him in. Already had his dismissal typed and ready to sign.
Other guy was almost exact same scenario but on a weekend shift.

 

[Papi Chingon]

Have you filed unemployment yet @Papi Chingon?

That's not cool. Reported!

 

[gregbrady]

Got an underling fired for sexually harassing me last yr. Don’t fuck with how I feed my kids little ho

 

[Bungee up]

That's not cool. Reported!

I was going to say something similar.
" sounds like op got fired "