Okay, listen. Regardless of how sick or sociopathic or evil or dumb or whatever Jon is supposed to be, let's all just take a deep breath and lower our heads and snort some coke and start admitting that we need this guy back in the octagon. I'm sorry to be so blunt about this, and I'm not the type to go around giving people orders. It's just that, well, we're running out of fucking time and we need to get this done.
We start this whole process by accepting that we want him back. Admitting to ourselves that we want him back, even if we find him morally repugnant. I don't have the time to guide anybody through the particulars...it takes brass balls to admit how much you need this guy back in your octagon lives. My pain costs more than your wife. Do what you want to do. If you want to do the right thing, then you start the acceptance process and you do it by taking small steps, muttering through your tears, stumbling around drunk on hope (and booze), toiling through your hot dreams, snapping at people at work, whatever. These are just examples of how you might work through this, up to the point where you admit the truth. But like I said I'm not here to coach anyone. Whatever your process is, it's fine with me...just get it done. Alright?
Now the really hard question is, how to actually get Jon back. Yes, the AC might let him off light and all that, but we can't count on it. And face it, even if they DO let him back in 2018 as Malaki Boolakalaka claims, he's GOING to fuck up again....which means that at some point in the future, we'll be in the same position we are now, wanting Jon to get back into the UFC, while he's on the sidelines crying down his sideburns charring up some cocaine steaks by his infinity bounce house. While months and years go by.
Yeah, that is a DISMAL, let's just call it what it is, unacceptable scenario. So, I've been thinking about this, and I'm pretty sure the following will work. If we can CLONE Jon Jones (this might not be the best verb; read ahead for alternatives), it seems to me that the cloned Bones could sign a contract and take Jon's place on the roster. There shouldn't be any LEGAL reason why this couldn't happen, and furthermore, neither UFC or USADA would necessarily be contradicting any of their own policies or athletic commission rules. I mean necessarily...Let me explain.
First, we have to get into identity theory. If this isn't your cup of tea, fuck off. Now SIT DOWN. And now get up! Just kidding. Listen, just bear with me. Let's talk about clones. A clone is a perfect PHYSICAL replica...so, assuming (as the scientists do) that the mind is just a manifestation of all the physical components (cells, wiring, etc) packed in the brain/body, then all psychological properties of the original being come with the clone in virtue of the physical properties. So the clone should have all the original motivations and inclinations of the original, all the genetic predispositions for certain behaviors, etc.
In Jon's case, of course, we necessarily end up with another bad apple. We literally get another Jon Jones---that is, a sneaky malignant narcissist (or however you want to characterize his faulty behavior). This Jon will be exactly as prone to the same behavior as the original Jon was, so it's safe to say he's going to fuck up again. History being the best performance indicator and all that.
Now sit the fuck down.
I'm not saying that's a great thing. Or that his shitty behavior is something we just pre-excuse because he's a badass and we deserve to see his career play out without any more lost time. Trust me, that's not what this is. HOWEVER...and this is super important to our cause...the Replicant Jon is arguably NOT GUILTY of the violations and crimes that the original was. He will have the same FEELINGS of guilt (or at least the same attitude toward his actions, whatever the Original Jones' real attitude happens to be), but these feelings/attitudes will not correspond the relevant set of facts that hold true of the first Jon. Because Replicant Jon Jones has a different physical history than Original Jon Jones. He literally was just born/replicated/fabricated. He himself didn't engage in any of the offending actions/behaviors that the first Jon did, because he literally didn't exist yet. He has the same memories as the first Jon, but in a deep sense his memories are false. He literally wasn't there at the crime scenes, so logically, he's an innocent man.
It is eminently clear that to hold a clone accountable for the crimes of the original would be potentially sick and twisted, and arguably NOT what the founding fathers had in mind when they drafted up the concept of America after 11 rounds of whiskey, dueling, and whore-frisking.
Now, I won't pretend that there aren't complications here, despite what I said in the thread title about it being a simple matter---just to quickly address that, I was lying for click purposes, but I've since learned my lesson and won't do it again. Trust me, I've changed.
Anyway, as for the complications, one has to do with a theory of personal identity which says that identity holds through physical continuity, no matter how profoundly a person may change physically or psychologically over time. So on this theory, if you transform from a 20 year old male into an alligator over a course of 10 years, as long each point of change preserves something physical of the previous state, you are still the same person in the last state (in which you are a pure alligator) even though, as an alligator, you don't have any of the same "parts" as you began with (in which you were a 20 year old male). This criterion also commits to the idea that even if you are as severely different as an alligator, and can no longer speak or act as a human being, you are still the same person.
So, back at the ranch: if physical continuity is the criterion for identity, then I think Jon is still on the hook in most scenarios. It would depend how the cloning process worked though. If we're literally taking a sample of his tissue and then making the clone from that sample, then physical continuity is established and identity holds---and the Cloned Jones is essentially the same Jon, and therefore can NOT be reinstated to the UFC because he is guilty of the same crimes physically committed by the being he is physically continuous with.
On the other hand, if Jon is cloned from entirely new material --- say, by inputting some parameters into a fantastically advanced 3D printer ("Tea, Earl Grey, Hot" level) --- then physical continuity will have been broken. Cloned Bones Jones in this case was made from material that was never a part of the original Jones. We therefore have a physically identical, but --- because physically discontinuous with the original Jones --- distinct, new, morally innocent Jones.
So that would be one way around the Physical Criterion. More problematic is a theory proposing psychological continuity as the basis for identity. On this view, the Psychological Criterion, Cloned Jones is the same person, regardless of physical features and their continuity (or lack thereof), so long as his psychological properties overlap over time. The idea is pretty much the same as in the Physical Criterion, except we're talking about mental features.
Of the two theories, the Psychological Criterion one is the more intuitive and widely accepted. It explains why, for instance, we are --- at least for most intents and purposes --- considered the same person we were ten years ago, even if at that time we held radically different views or had a very different disposition. We might have changed, but we are still the same person who has undergone that change. You were once a child; and yet are, though unfathomably different now as an adult, the same person. You are that person who has undergone the transformation from child to adult.
Anyway. There's more the be said, I suppose, but you guys can figure out the rest. The science is there, you just need to break down the doors, confront the Keith Kizers at their personal homes, take over the Area 51 Labs with guts and a few good, hard, fire-breathing men. Smoke your cigars, cry in your wives' arms about how crazy it is that you can't help feeling how you feel about Jones, etc. I can't babysit you, and you can't me (unless we come to an agreement on that, but frankly, that would be very weird). I'd hate to be you if I were me, which brings me to one final point.
We all signed up for this back in 1993, at the latest 1998 or thereabouts, and it's possible a date of 2002 can suffice. You know who you are. You got Harold Howarded after you got Royced, then you got Colemaned, then you got Tito'd, you got Hughesed, possibly GSP'd (although you don't remember). And on and on, until you got Bonesed. Look, he's shady, but he's legitimately shady. And that's a...nevermind. The point is, he's the greatest killer we've ever seen. At worst among the top dream-drainers, death-dealers, soul-killers. We need him back. I love you goofy bastards, but I've done all I can do.
It's not a pretty plan, but it's a way to proceed. Put yourself in your clone's shoes. You were JUST born yesterday, and you've got Charles Manson's memories. I mean, that SUCKS and everything, but you didn't do SHIT. All you did was get born into some WEIRD ass circumstances. Arresting you would be wrong.
Now, here's the twist, if you didn't see it coming. Is it REALLY necessary to go through all the rigamarole of cloning to get him back in the cage? Since the Original Jones is identical in every way to the Cloned Bones, why should his personal history really matter? Suppose we stripped them naked and threw them into a dark cell, then let them out in an hour. Would we even be able to tell clone from original? Nope, I didn't think so. If that's the case, we might as well admit that we can let Jon resume his career. The past is the past---quit holding on to it like some obsessed mutt with a bone. What are you, Trey Gowdy? Stand up, dude. Stand up for what's right. Jon is innocent by transitive osmosis. I rest my case. Do what you got to do. You know, just as much as BONES KNOWS, what needs to happen. So just LET it happen. Lay your head down on the table, catch a couple of winks, then get back to it. The MMA world is counting on you.
We start this whole process by accepting that we want him back. Admitting to ourselves that we want him back, even if we find him morally repugnant. I don't have the time to guide anybody through the particulars...it takes brass balls to admit how much you need this guy back in your octagon lives. My pain costs more than your wife. Do what you want to do. If you want to do the right thing, then you start the acceptance process and you do it by taking small steps, muttering through your tears, stumbling around drunk on hope (and booze), toiling through your hot dreams, snapping at people at work, whatever. These are just examples of how you might work through this, up to the point where you admit the truth. But like I said I'm not here to coach anyone. Whatever your process is, it's fine with me...just get it done. Alright?
Now the really hard question is, how to actually get Jon back. Yes, the AC might let him off light and all that, but we can't count on it. And face it, even if they DO let him back in 2018 as Malaki Boolakalaka claims, he's GOING to fuck up again....which means that at some point in the future, we'll be in the same position we are now, wanting Jon to get back into the UFC, while he's on the sidelines crying down his sideburns charring up some cocaine steaks by his infinity bounce house. While months and years go by.
Yeah, that is a DISMAL, let's just call it what it is, unacceptable scenario. So, I've been thinking about this, and I'm pretty sure the following will work. If we can CLONE Jon Jones (this might not be the best verb; read ahead for alternatives), it seems to me that the cloned Bones could sign a contract and take Jon's place on the roster. There shouldn't be any LEGAL reason why this couldn't happen, and furthermore, neither UFC or USADA would necessarily be contradicting any of their own policies or athletic commission rules. I mean necessarily...Let me explain.
First, we have to get into identity theory. If this isn't your cup of tea, fuck off. Now SIT DOWN. And now get up! Just kidding. Listen, just bear with me. Let's talk about clones. A clone is a perfect PHYSICAL replica...so, assuming (as the scientists do) that the mind is just a manifestation of all the physical components (cells, wiring, etc) packed in the brain/body, then all psychological properties of the original being come with the clone in virtue of the physical properties. So the clone should have all the original motivations and inclinations of the original, all the genetic predispositions for certain behaviors, etc.
In Jon's case, of course, we necessarily end up with another bad apple. We literally get another Jon Jones---that is, a sneaky malignant narcissist (or however you want to characterize his faulty behavior). This Jon will be exactly as prone to the same behavior as the original Jon was, so it's safe to say he's going to fuck up again. History being the best performance indicator and all that.
Now sit the fuck down.
I'm not saying that's a great thing. Or that his shitty behavior is something we just pre-excuse because he's a badass and we deserve to see his career play out without any more lost time. Trust me, that's not what this is. HOWEVER...and this is super important to our cause...the Replicant Jon is arguably NOT GUILTY of the violations and crimes that the original was. He will have the same FEELINGS of guilt (or at least the same attitude toward his actions, whatever the Original Jones' real attitude happens to be), but these feelings/attitudes will not correspond the relevant set of facts that hold true of the first Jon. Because Replicant Jon Jones has a different physical history than Original Jon Jones. He literally was just born/replicated/fabricated. He himself didn't engage in any of the offending actions/behaviors that the first Jon did, because he literally didn't exist yet. He has the same memories as the first Jon, but in a deep sense his memories are false. He literally wasn't there at the crime scenes, so logically, he's an innocent man.
It is eminently clear that to hold a clone accountable for the crimes of the original would be potentially sick and twisted, and arguably NOT what the founding fathers had in mind when they drafted up the concept of America after 11 rounds of whiskey, dueling, and whore-frisking.
Now, I won't pretend that there aren't complications here, despite what I said in the thread title about it being a simple matter---just to quickly address that, I was lying for click purposes, but I've since learned my lesson and won't do it again. Trust me, I've changed.
Anyway, as for the complications, one has to do with a theory of personal identity which says that identity holds through physical continuity, no matter how profoundly a person may change physically or psychologically over time. So on this theory, if you transform from a 20 year old male into an alligator over a course of 10 years, as long each point of change preserves something physical of the previous state, you are still the same person in the last state (in which you are a pure alligator) even though, as an alligator, you don't have any of the same "parts" as you began with (in which you were a 20 year old male). This criterion also commits to the idea that even if you are as severely different as an alligator, and can no longer speak or act as a human being, you are still the same person.
So, back at the ranch: if physical continuity is the criterion for identity, then I think Jon is still on the hook in most scenarios. It would depend how the cloning process worked though. If we're literally taking a sample of his tissue and then making the clone from that sample, then physical continuity is established and identity holds---and the Cloned Jones is essentially the same Jon, and therefore can NOT be reinstated to the UFC because he is guilty of the same crimes physically committed by the being he is physically continuous with.
On the other hand, if Jon is cloned from entirely new material --- say, by inputting some parameters into a fantastically advanced 3D printer ("Tea, Earl Grey, Hot" level) --- then physical continuity will have been broken. Cloned Bones Jones in this case was made from material that was never a part of the original Jones. We therefore have a physically identical, but --- because physically discontinuous with the original Jones --- distinct, new, morally innocent Jones.
So that would be one way around the Physical Criterion. More problematic is a theory proposing psychological continuity as the basis for identity. On this view, the Psychological Criterion, Cloned Jones is the same person, regardless of physical features and their continuity (or lack thereof), so long as his psychological properties overlap over time. The idea is pretty much the same as in the Physical Criterion, except we're talking about mental features.
Of the two theories, the Psychological Criterion one is the more intuitive and widely accepted. It explains why, for instance, we are --- at least for most intents and purposes --- considered the same person we were ten years ago, even if at that time we held radically different views or had a very different disposition. We might have changed, but we are still the same person who has undergone that change. You were once a child; and yet are, though unfathomably different now as an adult, the same person. You are that person who has undergone the transformation from child to adult.
Anyway. There's more the be said, I suppose, but you guys can figure out the rest. The science is there, you just need to break down the doors, confront the Keith Kizers at their personal homes, take over the Area 51 Labs with guts and a few good, hard, fire-breathing men. Smoke your cigars, cry in your wives' arms about how crazy it is that you can't help feeling how you feel about Jones, etc. I can't babysit you, and you can't me (unless we come to an agreement on that, but frankly, that would be very weird). I'd hate to be you if I were me, which brings me to one final point.
We all signed up for this back in 1993, at the latest 1998 or thereabouts, and it's possible a date of 2002 can suffice. You know who you are. You got Harold Howarded after you got Royced, then you got Colemaned, then you got Tito'd, you got Hughesed, possibly GSP'd (although you don't remember). And on and on, until you got Bonesed. Look, he's shady, but he's legitimately shady. And that's a...nevermind. The point is, he's the greatest killer we've ever seen. At worst among the top dream-drainers, death-dealers, soul-killers. We need him back. I love you goofy bastards, but I've done all I can do.
It's not a pretty plan, but it's a way to proceed. Put yourself in your clone's shoes. You were JUST born yesterday, and you've got Charles Manson's memories. I mean, that SUCKS and everything, but you didn't do SHIT. All you did was get born into some WEIRD ass circumstances. Arresting you would be wrong.
Now, here's the twist, if you didn't see it coming. Is it REALLY necessary to go through all the rigamarole of cloning to get him back in the cage? Since the Original Jones is identical in every way to the Cloned Bones, why should his personal history really matter? Suppose we stripped them naked and threw them into a dark cell, then let them out in an hour. Would we even be able to tell clone from original? Nope, I didn't think so. If that's the case, we might as well admit that we can let Jon resume his career. The past is the past---quit holding on to it like some obsessed mutt with a bone. What are you, Trey Gowdy? Stand up, dude. Stand up for what's right. Jon is innocent by transitive osmosis. I rest my case. Do what you got to do. You know, just as much as BONES KNOWS, what needs to happen. So just LET it happen. Lay your head down on the table, catch a couple of winks, then get back to it. The MMA world is counting on you.
