I was supposed to have surgery again tomorrow to remove a wire wrapped around my rib from a previous surgery. Just got back from Cleveland Clinic and the surgeon looked at everything and decided that I didn’t need surgery at all. I'm back home again. Even though it would have been a very small surgery it would have been my 5th of the year and even a small one(under an hour) is too much.
If you're one of the lucky ones who's never have had major surgery before. It's not pain or even the inconvenience of it all that's the issue. It's being put under anesthesia. The physical toll is one thing and not a huge deal if you only have one or even two. Five is a whole other story. This isn't even touch on the damage(depending the surgery) you get from the surgery itself. Three really should be the limit unless it's fucking serious(Of course mine were). The REAL problem is the mental damage. The anesthesia fucking up your brain something awful depending on how much you're given and how long your under, is the trouble. The more you get the longer it takes to recover and it stacks. I'm still fucked up from anesthesia I got back in April. Part of it was the seizure but at this point I should be 100% recovered(per the mental/physical health professionals). However the anesthesia adds that extra layer of "fuck you" to the whole situation. While it would have been a surgery none of us would complain about by itself, it's everything that came before that added to the stress. Not to mention, you always run the risk of not waking back up anesthesia. When you awake(at least with me) you have such blank spot it can be crippling. When I awoke last, even though I was 20 minutes away from home, I couldn't not have found my way back home if I had too. I know the area well. You know people and remember things(objects) however things like directions is another story. Emotions are fucked with. Getting angry is VERY easy to do despite how unreasonable the situation is. Personal long/short term memory is hit the hardest. There are ex employee's I've had who hit me up and I didn't know who they were. Events that happened that I had no recall of. Even more so, I'm happy I didn't have to put others through everything again. It's tough on people around me. Granted they're not going to complain about it, it's tough to put others through everything because you feel so helpless. You wish like hell to be independent but you know you can't be.
Hopefully, this is the end of a terrible year and I can start working on putting it behind me and a light at the end of the tunnel can be seen once again.
If you're one of the lucky ones who's never have had major surgery before. It's not pain or even the inconvenience of it all that's the issue. It's being put under anesthesia. The physical toll is one thing and not a huge deal if you only have one or even two. Five is a whole other story. This isn't even touch on the damage(depending the surgery) you get from the surgery itself. Three really should be the limit unless it's fucking serious(Of course mine were). The REAL problem is the mental damage. The anesthesia fucking up your brain something awful depending on how much you're given and how long your under, is the trouble. The more you get the longer it takes to recover and it stacks. I'm still fucked up from anesthesia I got back in April. Part of it was the seizure but at this point I should be 100% recovered(per the mental/physical health professionals). However the anesthesia adds that extra layer of "fuck you" to the whole situation. While it would have been a surgery none of us would complain about by itself, it's everything that came before that added to the stress. Not to mention, you always run the risk of not waking back up anesthesia. When you awake(at least with me) you have such blank spot it can be crippling. When I awoke last, even though I was 20 minutes away from home, I couldn't not have found my way back home if I had too. I know the area well. You know people and remember things(objects) however things like directions is another story. Emotions are fucked with. Getting angry is VERY easy to do despite how unreasonable the situation is. Personal long/short term memory is hit the hardest. There are ex employee's I've had who hit me up and I didn't know who they were. Events that happened that I had no recall of. Even more so, I'm happy I didn't have to put others through everything again. It's tough on people around me. Granted they're not going to complain about it, it's tough to put others through everything because you feel so helpless. You wish like hell to be independent but you know you can't be.
Hopefully, this is the end of a terrible year and I can start working on putting it behind me and a light at the end of the tunnel can be seen once again.
