Last night was one of the most heart wrenching of my life. I almost came on to post about this in the early morning hours, but I was too overcome.
When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. It changed my life forever. I couldn't get a driver's license or box or kickbox or do full MMA sparring, all for fear that I could put myself at risk. I couldn't pull all nighters or drink too heavily without knowing there could be severe consequences. Sometimes I did it anyway, and usually I paid a price. This coming November will be 21 years since my first seizure and fortunately, it's largely been controlled by medication so usually if I have a seizure it's because I didn't take my medicine or screwed up in some other way.
But last night was the biggest screw up. My 5 year old daughter woke up suddenly in the middle of the night and began jerking uncontrollably, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. I recognized what was happening immediately and held her in my arms. She woke up some more and her leg was thrusting involuntarily and she began to cry. I told her it would be okay even though I knew it wouldn't. 3 minutes that seemed like 3 years passed and ended with her losing control of her bladder all over the bed. I carried her to the tub and cleaned her up, trying not to fall apart myself.
This is my worst nightmare, literally everything I always feared about having children and now I know I passed this curse on to one of them. I wish I'd been sterilized a long time ago.
When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. It changed my life forever. I couldn't get a driver's license or box or kickbox or do full MMA sparring, all for fear that I could put myself at risk. I couldn't pull all nighters or drink too heavily without knowing there could be severe consequences. Sometimes I did it anyway, and usually I paid a price. This coming November will be 21 years since my first seizure and fortunately, it's largely been controlled by medication so usually if I have a seizure it's because I didn't take my medicine or screwed up in some other way.
But last night was the biggest screw up. My 5 year old daughter woke up suddenly in the middle of the night and began jerking uncontrollably, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. I recognized what was happening immediately and held her in my arms. She woke up some more and her leg was thrusting involuntarily and she began to cry. I told her it would be okay even though I knew it wouldn't. 3 minutes that seemed like 3 years passed and ended with her losing control of her bladder all over the bed. I carried her to the tub and cleaned her up, trying not to fall apart myself.
This is my worst nightmare, literally everything I always feared about having children and now I know I passed this curse on to one of them. I wish I'd been sterilized a long time ago.
