But yeah... thanks to all you guys. I really mean that too. This site is really the MMA Community. Like I said, it's been a tough few weeks and everything is a little overwhelming so I apologize if I'm being weird or something. But wow, just reading the support and cool attitude from you guys changed my entire day around.
Right now I'm in the waiting game. I guess that's why I let my emotions get the best of me and posted about this shit.. because sometimes it's tough just sitting here every fucking day by myself, man. I have maybe 2 more, possibly 3 more rounds of injections (thankfully it's once a week), before I can finally go back and start physical therapy again. Once I start, if everything goes well - which it seems like it will, the shots DO relieve the pain which is amazing) - it should take me around 3 months to be feeling and living normally again.
Then I can start slowly but surely building back up and if all goes well, start training again. I swear to god, the idea of stepping onto a mat for the first time after recovering 100% is a dream to me, and if I can accomplish that goal, I will be thankful, humble and happy until the day I die.
It took a long time to even get these appointments set up so truly I'm grateful it's all finally happening and underway. Sometimes it looks hopeless but then I read posts like this and realize I am actually in the process of moving in the right direction. When I get really down, I just think about how I want my life back. I want to play guitar, to train, to go running, to workout, without being in pain. Or to just go to the movies, eat at a restaurant with friends, see a band play.. Shit I used to take for granted, that I never thought would be impossible to do. At this point, it has gotten to where I can't walk to the fucking store 5 minutes down the street without so much pain that ruins my entire night, nevermind actually play in my band or play a concert, or even a 30 minute practice. It's gotten a lot worse because I have been sitting prone for so long as time goes on.. It's been almost 8 months of having to sit at home every single day.
BUT, there are millions of people who have it 10000x worse than I do and I feel like a selfish, spoiled fuck for complaining. I just needed to talk about it a little, I guess. In the last year I lost my granddad, my job, my savings, my girl, my friends, and my band. But, even so, I really think about how lucky I am to live where I do, have a roof over my head, etc... and it makes me feel guilty as fuck for whining about this shit. For like 3 years I just ignored the pain every day and lived life normally, but yea. I can't believe how fucking lame this all must sound to people.. but please know, it's not in my control and I'm trying really hard to fix it. I've never complained on a forum before or wanted attention or sympathy. Just reading people say good things on here really hit home like I said before, and yeah.
Sorry guys. I don't even expect anyone to read this. I'm almost writing it for my own self, I don't know. I just can't wait until this hurries up and I finally get into the PT and start living again. My own "friends" don't even give a shit about me as much as you guys do, which is part of the reason this thread really hit home.
Thanks for helping the fire under my ass stay lit
