I know a guy that once paid his wife $300 to shut the fuck up.
Seriously he wrote a check out right there and then put shut the fuck up in the memo and told her to leave.
Did not have a very productive relationship and got a divorce. Who would have guessed.
I had a girlfriend once, and moved into a house with her but I did not put her name on the lease.
Day one in that house we decided to celebrate and I had a fifth of Jack Daniels and a fifth of Southern Comfort.
We went out to somebody's house and she started chatting with people and talking bad about me. She just had a loose lips and was something was wrong with her brain obviously.
When we got home I was angry at her and told her to shut her freaking mouth and that things that happened behind closed doors should stay there until it's figured out.
Then I told her to get the f*** out of the house and take her kids with her, and she begged and pleaded to stay, on her knees grasping at my feet. I told her to get off my legs and get the hell out.
She said "oh sparkuri I'll do anything!!
Tell me what to do to make it better!"
I said "go down to Pacific Fabrics and buy a needle and thread and sew your f****** mouth shut"
She says "I think Pacific Fabrics is closed".
I looked at her like many others would, speechless.
She disappeared for a while and I heard something break down stairs.
I didn't care and started slamming my bottle. She comes up 10 minutes later with 5 puncture holes in her face. 3 in her top lip and two in the bottom, blood on her mouth. She had taken a shard of glass from a broken lightbulb, and the thread from the bottom of her shoe and begin to literally so her mouth shut.
She looks at me and says "Do you know where I can get any more thread?"
I grabbed my bottle of Southern Comfort and threw my head back.
This relationship ended well, she was a teacher.
@john2054
