Parenting: the Official TMMAC Thread

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Shinkicker

For what it's worth
Jan 30, 2016
10,314
13,916
How to teach the toddler patience?

Three years old and in his eyes, the world revolves around him. We have been working on eye contact when talking, not using a winy voice and speaking clearly.

He is funny as fuck and knows it. Wild to see a toddler using manipulation skills. If this boy can tame his patience he is going to be brilliant.
No, you need the patience! Lol


Don’t make him toughen up too soon but if he is using it for manipulation, I get it. However, he may be using it for other reasons. One reason may be because it’s the quickest way to get your attention (in a good or bad way, they don’t care right now lol). All kids do it. Does he do it to your wife, also? Or mostly just you?

I probably wouldn’t call it a winey voice to him. He doesn’t exactly know what that means but understands it’s negative. And what you really want to convey is “ I want to hear you and what your saying is important but I want it in a normal voice without manipulation.”

At first I would tell mine something like ‘oh I hear that voice again. Are you okay?’ Then I would hug him, get down to eye level and say “now tell me what you need in a normal voice. I can’t understand what you are saying in that other voice.” Later I would move to just saying, “I can’t understand what your saying. Please use your normal voice” . Do this with a calm and normal tone because if they are trying to trigger you, you don’t want to allow it to work. And lastly do not engage in the conversation until he uses a somewhat normal voice. But be sure to take him seriously and give him a proper response (basically give him what he wants a few times lol) when he does.

I can’t think of any way you could tell a 3 year old why eye contact is important. You will have to show him. Start off with something fun like staring contests. Get him used to you gently placing your hands on each side of his face during the game. Then take opportunities to say something emotional/important to him while holding his face and looking him in the eyes. Make sure you have moved to his eye level. Take his face in your hands and tell him you love him and give him a hug. You can work your way up to other types of serious things later. He will start doing it in return on his own time.

You don’t want him to look you in the eye from submission (because you told him to). And please don’t make him look you in the eye if you are bitching at him. That’s cruel. Lol

You must be the patient one right now and keep doing your job. You won’t see it right away but at around 7 or 8 years old he will start acting just like you. And that can be painful as a parent sometimes especially when it’s your bad behaviors. Lol

And yes, sounds like he is going to be a smart guy! I miss that age with my boys so bad.
 

Freeloading Rusty

Here comes Rover, sniffin’ at your ass
Jan 11, 2016
26,916
26,743
No, you need the patience! Lol


Don’t make him toughen up too soon but if he is using it for manipulation, I get it. However, he may be using it for other reasons. One reason may be because it’s the quickest way to get your attention (in a good or bad way, they don’t care right now lol). All kids do it. Does he do it to your wife, also? Or mostly just you?

I probably wouldn’t call it a winey voice to him. He doesn’t exactly know what that means but understands it’s negative. And what you really want to convey is “ I want to hear you and what your saying is important but I want it in a normal voice without manipulation.”
We dont call it a winy voice to him but I do say I want you to speak clearly and use your manors… and then when he does, he usually gets what he he asking for. It’s not about toughening him up it’s just about teaching him a communication style that is more confident and direct.

And yes, I know I need to work on my patience… as for the manipulation, he does it to all adults in his life as I am sure most kids do. Nothing negative .. it’s actually pretty funny, he will be like ‘so today we are going to eat breakfast, go potty, get dressed, go to the park (quietly insert) get ice creams/watch movie/have a big boy treat and then have lunch, right dad?’ And if your not paying full attention to it all and agree, he is set in stone he will get ice cream/treat or whatever else he snuck into his days agenda.

The other day he came to me after his mom told him no to tv… dad I have a secret, I kneel down and he whispers in my ear, ‘let’s put mom in jail, then I can watch a show, right dad?’
 
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Shinkicker

For what it's worth
Jan 30, 2016
10,314
13,916
We dont call it a winy voice to him but I do say I want you to speak clearly and use your manors… and then when he does, he usually gets what he he asking for. It’s not about toughening him up it’s just about teaching him a communication style that is more confident and direct.

And yes, I know I need to work on my patience… as for the manipulation, he does it to all adults in his life as I am sure most kids do. Nothing negative .. it’s actually pretty funny, he will be like ‘so today we are going to eat breakfast, go potty, get dressed, go to the park (quietly insert) get ice creams/watch movie/have a big boy treat and then have lunch, right dad?’ And if your not paying full attention to it all and agree, he is set in stone he will get ice cream/treat or whatever else he snuck into his days agenda.

The other day he came to me after his mom told him no to tv… dad I have a secret, I kneel down and he whispers in my ear, ‘let’s put mom in jail, then I can watch a show, right dad?’
He sounds awesome. Lol
 

nuraknu

savage
Jul 20, 2016
6,247
10,770
We dont call it a winy voice to him but I do say I want you to speak clearly and use your manors… and then when he does, he usually gets what he he asking for. It’s not about toughening him up it’s just about teaching him a communication style that is more confident and direct.

And yes, I know I need to work on my patience… as for the manipulation, he does it to all adults in his life as I am sure most kids do. Nothing negative .. it’s actually pretty funny, he will be like ‘so today we are going to eat breakfast, go potty, get dressed, go to the park (quietly insert) get ice creams/watch movie/have a big boy treat and then have lunch, right dad?’ And if your not paying full attention to it all and agree, he is set in stone he will get ice cream/treat or whatever else he snuck into his days agenda.

The other day he came to me after his mom told him no to tv… dad I have a secret, I kneel down and he whispers in my ear, ‘let’s put mom in jail, then I can watch a show, right dad?’
It doesn't really end, just changes. My son is 8 now and getting exposed to all different concepts, so whenever he has a fight with his dad, he tells me I betrayed him before he was born by choosing that man to be his father and I should get a divorce.
 

gangsterkathryn

저승사자
Oct 20, 2015
17,319
20,573
It doesn't really end, just changes. My son is 8 now and getting exposed to all different concepts, so whenever he has a fight with his dad, he tells me I betrayed him before he was born by choosing that man to be his father and I should get a divorce.
Lmao! That’s gold!

Mine knows I’m a sucker and if he pesters me enough, chances are I’ll cave. I have no patience and little energy to argue.
 

Freeloading Rusty

Here comes Rover, sniffin’ at your ass
Jan 11, 2016
26,916
26,743
It doesn't really end, just changes. My son is 8 now and getting exposed to all different concepts, so whenever he has a fight with his dad, he tells me I betrayed him before he was born by choosing that man to be his father and I should get a divorce.
Lil man needs to understand the birds and the bees to appreciate his father from the sounds of it lol :)
 

Filthy

Iowa Wrestling Champion
Jun 28, 2016
27,507
29,834
How to teach the toddler patience?

Three years old and in his eyes, the world revolves around him. We have been working on eye contact when talking, not using a winy voice and speaking clearly.

He is funny as fuck and knows it. Wild to see a toddler using manipulation skills. If this boy can tame his patience he is going to be brilliant.
Patience is a beggar's virtue.


;)
 

sparkuri

Pulse On The Finger Of The Community
First 100
Jan 16, 2015
34,597
46,691
I gotta vent, this is fucking nuts.

My youngest moved back in 2.5 years ago.
STRICT rules.
9pm doors lock.
No dope in the house.
No dope SMELL in the house.
You puff, hit a wash station before you come in.
Clean up after yourself & put in property work.
Maintain cleanliness of the household.

My oldest moved out at the same time citing I'm unreasonable.

She shows up after no contact for a year, booted out citing "I've changed my mind about living here", 4 months ago.
She's vax injured & surgery malpractice injured. She'll never work again.

I raised these kids entirely alone since 2 & 3 years old.

Since 4 months ago, curfew changed to 11:30pm, house closed.
Several broken occurrences.

4th of July is my only holiday.
Father's day clearly means jack shit as the grocery flyer has to remind them after the fact.

I work extremely hard doing a show out of pocket for an entire town.
Idealism & duty, my cross to bear.
These stinkin kids leave at midnight then throw rocks at my window @ 2am & wake me permanently.
I'm DYING on that field wiring a $10,000 show on no sleep.
I come home after cleanup, crash at 4am, only for house alarm goung off at 8am.
Up from there, again.
I just walked into my house to be greeted by the outdoor cat inside, which I never wanted, & 2 full grown German Shepards, & they want to debate validity of acquisition.

I'm done.
They're old enough to give me grandkids a few years ago.
DONE.
 

John Lee Pettimore

Further south than you
May 18, 2021
6,302
6,762
I gotta vent, this is fucking nuts.

My youngest moved back in 2.5 years ago.
STRICT rules.
9pm doors lock.
No dope in the house.
No dope SMELL in the house.
You puff, hit a wash station before you come in.
Clean up after yourself & put in property work.
Maintain cleanliness of the household.

My oldest moved out at the same time citing I'm unreasonable.

She shows up after no contact for a year, booted out citing "I've changed my mind about living here", 4 months ago.
She's vax injured & surgery malpractice injured. She'll never work again.

I raised these kids entirely alone since 2 & 3 years old.

Since 4 months ago, curfew changed to 11:30pm, house closed.
Several broken occurrences.

4th of July is my only holiday.
Father's day clearly means jack shit as the grocery flyer has to remind them after the fact.

I work extremely hard doing a show out of pocket for an entire town.
Idealism & duty, my cross to bear.
These stinkin kids leave at midnight then throw rocks at my window @ 2am & wake me permanently.
I'm DYING on that field wiring a $10,000 show on no sleep.
I come home after cleanup, crash at 4am, only for house alarm goung off at 8am.
Up from there, again.
I just walked into my house to be greeted by the outdoor cat inside, which I never wanted, & 2 full grown German Shepards, & they want to debate validity of acquisition.

I'm done.
They're old enough to give me grandkids a few years ago.
DONE.
All bullshit aside, that sucks, man. Sorry to hear that.

??
 

nuraknu

savage
Jul 20, 2016
6,247
10,770
Your kids are adults and live with you, but can't get in and out of the house themselves?

sparkuri @sparkuri sorry forgot to quote

Is there something you can do to help them be more independent and manage their own schedules?

Honestly, I have known people who were basically self-centered teenagers until they were in their 30's. People who never passed the threshold from "my parents need to take care of me and give me what I want" to "I need to take care of my parents and start taking some of the burden off their shoulders".

I think some people just take longer than others. I have a psychiatrically disabled relative who might never reach that point.
 
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sparkuri

Pulse On The Finger Of The Community
First 100
Jan 16, 2015
34,597
46,691
Your kids are adults and live with you, but can't get in and out of the house themselves?

sparkuri @sparkuri sorry forgot to quote

Is there something you can do to help them be more independent and manage their own schedules?

Honestly, I have known people who were basically self-centered teenagers until they were in their 30's. People who never passed the threshold from "my parents need to take care of me and give me what I want" to "I need to take care of my parents and start taking some of the burden off their shoulders".

I think some people just take longer than others. I have a psychiatrically disabled relative who might never reach that point.
Because I'm a security nut, the idea is the house shuts down at a certain time so sleep occurs by midnight.
But I had it and kicked out my kid last night(this morning) after giving me lip.
I love her but God loves her more than I do and I gave her plenty of tools, we'll see how this goes, no "regerts".

"Manage their own schedules".

Yes, today I had an excellent discussion about just that and a successful life or lack thereof regarding what I called the 3 biggies.
1. Sleep
2. Managing your life's schedule
3. Permission to say "no" to people

This with my oldest who got word the other got the boot and knew I wasn't playing.
I didn't know what in the hell possessed them to acquire German Shepherds when I don't even want their dishware in my cupboards, but after the talk discovered it was just that: no sleep, peer pressure, and the aforementioned physical and psychological challenges combined.
I was able to track down the dog owners before taking them to the pound, which was significantly cheaper as they're full and require special deposits for lack of space.
 

Shinkicker

For what it's worth
Jan 30, 2016
10,314
13,916
Well I am now an empty nester. :(

My oldest is in college, has a job, and trains for MMA. He has 2 amateur fights so far and one upcoming in November. He is 2 - 0.

My youngest just finished the Crucible in marine boot camp. He will officially graduate Friday.

I’m a proud mom!


But I miss them terribly.