Raising kids when parents have differing religious beliefs

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Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
16,651
5,935
FRAT Warning (scroll to bottom for non FRAT version)

I want to get a broader perspective on an issue that has once again reared its ugly head in my family life.

Background; My wife is a Korean Protestant, she is in my estimation batshit insane about it, thinks she has a special audience with God and that her pastor is the earthly conduit. Bitch thought Catholics killed Jesus until I pointed out the "Catholics" in the Passion of the Christ are in fact Jews and that Catholics werent an itch in God's nut sack at the time his son walked the earth on water.

Im a follower of my own hybridized version of Hinduism/Buddhism, I eat beef like no one else, dont observe any religious festivities, dont pray I just basically believe in karma and that shit will bite me in the ass if I dont do the right thing on this earth.

When Mrs Sweat Tea was preggas with our first we agreed that the kids would not be indoctrinated in either faith and that when they are old enough to learn and decide for themselves (CIRCA 16ish) which the cunt has now conveniently forgotten (again)

Every few months at she goes nuts claiming we cant be a family unless the kids attend church with her a couple of times a week and threatens divorce (lol bitch please). She has told the kids she cant live with us unless they are Christian and told them they are going to hell. She has told me me and my family (who carry her financially) are going to hell too.

Then she calms down and stops talking about it for a few months. Ive even offered to compromise and attend a multicultural church once a week for an hour like normal church goers do but apparently the Koreans are the only ones who believe in the right brand of Christianity and that we need to go to a Korean language service where she is a "cell group leader" hahaha cant work FT job but is a "leader"

This has reared its head again today, Im now considering taking her to the family law courts and getting a ruling on it which will be in my favor 99%.

Divorce and Competing Religious Beliefs - Zande Law


Anyone had any experience with this directly or indirectly? any advice? not nec legal but any ideas are warmly welcomed

*********************************************NON FRAT***********************************************************

Wife is using emotional blackmail and ultimatums to try and convert the kids and I into Christians, kids aged 6 & 8 and I are not interested.
 

Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
16,651
5,935
Tell her to prove it

Ive tried brother Ive tried, Im met with "I can feel, I can feel, god isnt material he is spirit" its like banging my head against the wall, Im so fucking over it today I thought about just giving in but I wouldnt be a decent dad if I did.
 

Leigh

Engineer
Pro Fighter
Jan 26, 2015
10,912
21,059
Ive tried brother Ive tried, Im met with "I can feel, I can feel, god isnt material he is spirit" its like banging my head against the wall, Im so fucking over it today I thought about just giving in but I wouldnt be a decent dad if I did.
I kinda think you've brought this on yourself. Personally, I'd be super aggressive in eliminating religion from my household but I don't want to necessarily give that advice to someone else.

Suffice to say, man up and stand up for your kids and what you believe in.
 

Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
16,651
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I kinda think you've brought this on yourself. Personally, I'd be super aggressive in eliminating religion from my household but I don't want to necessarily give that advice to someone else.

Suffice to say, man up and stand up for your kids and what you believe in.
Yeah shes VERY quick to pull the bullshit domestic abuse line to gain sympathy, never gone as far as saying Ive struck her but I think the first words she learnt in English were verbal abuse and feminism
Curious to hear why you think ive brought it on myself. not saying youre wrong we actually might agree on that too
 

Disciplined Galt

Disciplina et Frugalis
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Jan 15, 2015
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You have let her get away with stuff you shouldn't have?

I'll leave this talk to you mature folk...
 

Leigh

Engineer
Pro Fighter
Jan 26, 2015
10,912
21,059
Yeah shes VERY quick to pull the bullshit domestic abuse line to gain sympathy, never gone as far as saying Ive struck her but I think the first words she learnt in English were verbal abuse and feminism
Curious to hear why you think ive brought it on myself. not saying youre wrong we actually might agree on that too
Well, marrying a nutcase was a mistake (one I made too). But you allow this nonsense. It's nausuating.

In Leigh's world:
Her: the kids need to go to church
Me: no. And stop telling them that nonsense is real
Her: I'll divorce you
Me: Please do. And if you mention divorce again, I WILL divorce you. I've already got one under my belt, I'm a veteran at this game.

But I'd honestly give her the boot over domestic abuse accusations. That is not something to fuck around with.
 

Disciplined Galt

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That's pretty much my MO when dealing with women. Having a bit of a hard time justifying it with the new one since all she does is want me to stop drinking so much, and that's for my own good. Hard to be a hard-ass when it's like that. Please ignore this post!
 

Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
16,651
5,935
Well, marrying a nutcase was a mistake (one I made too). But you allow this nonsense. It's nausuating.

In Leigh's world:
Her: the kids need to go to church
Me: no. And stop telling them that nonsense is real
Her: I'll divorce you
Me: Please do. And if you mention divorce again, I WILL divorce you. I've already got one under my belt, I'm a veteran at this game.
I have the exact same conversation with my nutter all the time, Ive gone as far as saying "Why did your mum waste all that time in chemotherapy and not just pray when she had breast cancer, why did she wait to talk to the oncologist before telling us she was okay, shouldnt her pastor have known?" ironically I get told im an idiot.

Ive burned two kids bibles in front of her, launched english language christian CDs out of her car while driving when I found them (only reason she would have them is to play to the kids, she dont English bruv) challenged her and congregation to a religious debate at a Korean festival (I was tipsy) they backed down, rang her sister in Korea and demanded they revert back to Buddhism like the rest of her family etc etc Ive tried the hardline approach and it only makes her conviction stronger.

Here is what I am up against



Okay not quite to that level but youd have to understand stubborn Korean christians in particular can be, the fucking mongols invaded the place and didnt touch any buddhist shrines, the Japanese invaded and occupied leaving the temples alone, the Americans bombed the shit out of it during the Korea war and left temples untouched then Protestantism arrived and they are destroying churches left and right
 

Disciplined Galt

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Send her to live with me for a week and she'll be so happy to be back with you she'll start following Daquwarqa.
 

ThatOneDude

Commander in @Chief, Dick Army
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Jan 14, 2015
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Well, marrying a nutcase was a mistake (one I made too). But you allow this nonsense. It's nausuating.

In Leigh's world:
Her: the kids need to go to church
Me: no. And stop telling them that nonsense is real
Her: I'll divorce you
Me: Please do. And if you mention divorce again, I WILL divorce you. I've already got one under my belt, I'm a veteran at this game.

But I'd honestly give her the boot over domestic abuse accusations. That is not something to fuck around with.
Gotta agree. When the bitch starts using the threat of divorce as a power play get her the fuck out. My ex used to pull that shit, she's no longer living in my house.....
 

Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
16,651
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Gotta agree. When the bitch starts using the threat of divorce as a power play get her the fuck out. My ex used to pull that shit, she's no longer living in my house.....
Trying to keep my family together man or that would have happened a long time ago.

My dad is a recent law graduate, I have two uncles who are barristers and we are worth a lot (collectively), she has nothing so we would slaughter her in court but im willing to endure so the kids have both parents under one roof.

Beta AF I know but I dont want them to suffer.
 

HEATH VON DOOM

Remember the 5th of November
Oct 21, 2015
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You shouldn't be trying to push your beliefs on her so much. Not very tolerant of you at all.



nick diaz is my nut hugger
 

ThatOneDude

Commander in @Chief, Dick Army
First 100
Jan 14, 2015
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Trying to keep my family together man or that would have happened a long time ago.

My dad is a recent law graduate, I have two uncles who are barristers and we are worth a lot (collectively), she has nothing so we would slaughter her in court but im willing to endure so the kids have both parents under one roof.

Beta AF I know but I dont want them to suffer.
It's not beta, I have friends in similar situations. Fortunately for me, I didn't have kids with her. The way I look at it, from an outsider looking in, is do you want your family all under one roof and to see their parents fighting and arguing and thinking that's how a normal relationship is. Or split and give the kids a healthier environment..obviously much easier said than done.
 

Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
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It's not beta, I have friends in similar situations. Fortunately for me, I didn't have kids with her. The way I look at it, from an outsider looking in, is do you want your family all under one roof and to see their parents fighting and arguing and thinking that's how a normal relationship is. Or split and give the kids a healthier environment..obviously much easier said than done.
Most things worth achieving come with their trials and tribulations but I hear you bro.
 

Disciplined Galt

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Point to take away from what I reckon is that relationships are fucking tricky. The things that make you love a person might get turned on its head with time.

I was taking overly harsh abuse until my mom up and left. My dad did a great job, not at all his fault that I fucked it up. I don't think I'd turned out better if they'd stayed together. Then again I don't get the feeling that @Sweat Tea wife is that bad. Keep it together but under your own principles.

Perhaps she needs to be shown the alternative for a bit? That sort of experiment is hard to pull off with kids in the mix though.
 

ThatOneDude

Commander in @Chief, Dick Army
First 100
Jan 14, 2015
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Most things worth achieving come with their trials and tribulations but I hear you bro.
I agree, things achieved through hard work are often well worth the effort. I just have a hard time accepting the use of the threat "I'll divorce you" and it's repeated use over and over again. You don't use that to get your way with people you love.
 

Darqnezz

Merkin' fools since pre-school
Apr 25, 2015
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Letting the kids go to church won't hurt them. Maybe you should even go a couple times to show your woman that you support her (even though she's batshit crazy). Most religions are pretty harmless, but if she starts talking about sacrificing someone, get the hell out.
 

Disciplined Galt

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I agree, things achieved through hard work are often well worth the effort. I just have a hard time accepting the use of the threat "I'll divorce you" and it's repeated use over and over again. You don't use that to get your way with people you love.
I agree with you, but otherwise sensible people get into threatening shit they don't want when they feel insecure. I got snitched on by a cousin over stealing a knife when I was 10 years old. Got grounded for 6 months, only allowed to play basketball, Greco and hang out with ONE friend who was a colleague of my fathers. About a year later some security guard accuses me of stealing several 100$ worth of Warhammer stuff. My father grounded me for a year, that's when I got into reading. After that I was a mental fucking mess until I went into service. My father repeated the threat that he'd send me to my Mother. I got into my mind that a bad existance with my Father would be worse than a God existence with my mother.

Make Sure kids are fucking solid, other than that you can't really affect people that much. Ta Tvam Asi.
 

Disciplined Galt

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Letting the kids go to church won't hurt them. Maybe you should even go a couple times to show your woman that you support her (even though she's batshit crazy). Most religions are pretty harmless, but if she starts talking about sacrificing someone, get the hell out.
Shit, I was just about to go off on you. Sorry about that!
 

Lord Vutulaki

Banned
Jan 16, 2015
16,651
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Letting the kids go to church won't hurt them. Maybe you should even go a couple times to show your woman that you support her (even though she's batshit crazy). Most religions are pretty harmless, but if she starts talking about sacrificing someone, get the hell out.
Theres no point to that shit.
 

Disciplined Galt

Disciplina et Frugalis
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Assuming you are giving them direction and discipline there is no need for ceremony. If not then ceremony comes in handy. It is pointless though.